Am I using Angie as an excuse? I know that she has to be a consideration of course because she is a part of our equation but I’m not sure how much I am trying to protect her and how much I am trying to protect myself. I’m going to have to keep forward with this honesty thing that Bette and I did tonight and talk to her in depth about that. She needs to know the extent of my fears.

She called me T tonight and I could have jumped her right then and there. The way it rolls off her tongue made me quiver inside wanting that same tongue to do so much to me. She is the only one who calls me that and it makes me feel so special. It turned my stomach when Shana called me it. Even if she didn’t know about Bette calling me T, her calling me it just made me feel dirty. I never once called her Baby. She wasn’t my baby. Sure I used some affectionate terms with her but it just didn’t feel right. Maybe because we were still so new into our relationship or maybe because I knew she wasn’t the one but when I started calling Bette Baby, it felt so right. Every affectionate term I used with Shana felt forced. Oh well, I don’t have to worry about that any longer.

I only hope that Shana just stays away. In her mind, I believe that she thinks that we are only taking a break until I decide that I am through with Bette. I tried to explain to her that I just didn’t feel it with her and that there was no reason to continue seeing one another but she did profess her love to me so I’m not sure. Bette didn’t ask me about Shana’s feelings and maybe I should have volunteered it but in my mind Shana is not an issue. When Bette and I talk, I will mention it. I would hate for us to see Shana out somewhere and some sort of scene be created without Bette fully knowing the extent of her feelings.

Bette and I are going to date. How bizarre. Dating someone you were married to and have a child with must be one of those new fangled things. I do think it is the best way for us to really know one another. I am going to suggest to her that if we decide to move forward dating regularly, that we alternate who plans the dates.