My mom had put her whole life into ensuring I had a happy childhood and I knew how lucky I was to have her, and I was happy most of the time excluding of course those teenage years where it seemed we did nothing but fight.

I could smile now at the memory of the all night sulks and the temper tantrums and that was just her never mind my constant door slamming and exclamations of her ruining my life.

I had my mom and I know she loved me more than life itself but as far as my family was concerned…. well it just never felt complete and that was the only secret I never shared with her even though I suspected she knew, hence her indulgence in our lazy weekends.

I allow the quiet tears to fall as I recall her words during her last days,

“Be happy Tina and when your big day comes just know I will be there right by your side, and I will be the one with the biggest smile on my face”

I was well on my way to the first, exceeding even my own expectations and I know mom would be proud off my accomplishments in the movie business, now I just need to put more of an effort into achieving the second.

During my prepubescent years I never suspected it would be this difficult to meet “The One” I had dreamed of eyes meeting across a crowded room, an instant connection, butterflies in the pit of my tummy, there was never any sexual connotation of course to these dreams in the early years, no they wouldn’t come until much later.

Even now in my advanced years I hadn’t completely surrendered the notion that “The One” did in fact exist and I would get my happy ever after.

I sigh its a deep sigh, I know I wouldn’t be meeting them tonight in a room full of women but who knows maybe tomorrow.

Several hours later

“Hurry up Tina or I’ll go without you”

“See ya” I shout back at her from my bedroom. I wish she would go without me but a friend in need and all that and Dana was indeed a friend in dire need.