Previously: Well, said Alice thoughtfully. I guess if its right, the rules dont matter. She turned and looked at Dana, her eyes telling the stories her lips kept a secret. Dana reached over and took hold of Alices hand. She lifted it to her lips, and tenderly kissed the blondes fingers. A cool breeze blew through the open windows of the car. Dana leaned her head back and sighed. She didnt know where they were headed or what would happen when they got there, but for the moment, all was right with the world. _____________________________________________________________ Hey Dane? Yeah? How about we just head over to my place? Its quiet, and we dont have to worry about anyone bothering us. Sounds good, baby. Dana looked down at her lap, where her fingers were still intertwined with Alices. Dana knew that if Alice wanted to be alone, she was planning on discussing something serious. Minutes later, they arrived at Alices apartment. As Dana stepped out of the car she was overcome by a sudden wave of emotion. As Alice stepped on to the sidewalk next to her, Dana turned, grabbed Alice by the shoulders, and pressed her against the side of the car. She leaned towards Alice, brushed the hair out of her eyes, and slowly but deliberately pressed her lips to Alices. Deepening the kiss, Dana ran her hands down Alices body, committing her curves to memory. Dana let out a soft moan of delight as Alice wove her fingers into the hair at the nape of her neck. Alice ran her palm down Danas back, tucking her hand in to the pocket of Danas pants. She pulled Dana closer, their tongues intertwining as if the two women were trying to crawl inside each other with a kiss. Suddenly, Alice pulled away, gasping for breath. Inside, now, panted Alice, pulling Dana by the arm As soon as they walked in to the apartment, Alice pressed Dana against the door. Running her hands up the athletes slim torso, she murmured God, Dana, youre so unbelievably *****. I dont think I can look at you without wanting to ***** you. She ran a hand under Danas shirt, cupping her breast and running a thumb over her nipple. Dana sighed and pressed herself against Alice, burying her face in Alices soft white neck. God, Al, she said, her breath coming out in ragged gasps, No one has ever made me feel like this. I dont just mean sexually. You make me so happy, happier than I ever thought I could be, happier that I thought I deserved to be. Suddenly, Dana noticed that Alices wandering hands had stopped moving, that the journalists arms were hanging limply at her sides. Alices eyes spilled over with tears Dana, I love you so much, butI think. Suddenly, Alice turned and ran in to the living room. She sat on the couch, her body shaking with the force of her sobs. Dana stood in the doorway, confused. She had no idea what was going on, why Alice was kissing her one moment and crying the next. But she did know that Alice was her best friend, and the woman she loved more than anything in the world. If something was making Alice upset, Dana was going to do whatever was necessary to fix it. She moved slowly in to the living room, sat on the couch next to Alice, and took the quivering blonde in her arms. Dana softly began to stroke Alices hair. They sat like that for a few minutes, Alice crying softly, and Dana stroking her hair and whispering comforting words of love. Then, Alice sat up. She drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Dana, she said, sounding more shy and tentative than Dana had ever heard her sound. Yeah baby? Can you do me a huge favor? Anything, Al For the next few minutes, can you be Dana my best friend, and not Dana, the woman Im so in love with that it scares me Even though she understood the gravity of the situation, Dana couldnt help but smile to herself. Alice had a way of phrasing things that was so.uniquely Alice. Ok, Al. Anything you want. Alice took a deep breath. She knew that what she was about to say would not make Dana happy. She knew that Dana would be confused, would be hurt, would quite possibly be angry. But Alice also knew that what she was about to say would, in the long run, be for the best. She turned to Dana and opened her mouth. Like I said after the concert, Im becoming someone I cant stand. Im being one of those gross, clingy women who has no life beyond their relationship. And Ive never been that person. Well, why do you think that is, Al? Dana asked, playing the part of the supportive friend. Because Ive never needed to. Ive always kept my relationships separate from my friendshipspartly because it was easier for me and partly because the relationships never got far enough that I felt the need to have my girlfriend hang out with the group. But with you, Dana, its different. Because I was already a part of the group? Well, yeah. At least at first thats what it was. It was natural for you to be hanging out with everyone because you always HAVE. But then, as things got serious, it was that I wanted to be near you all the time, wanted to be with you. And that was fine at first. It was good- no, great. I finally understood what a relationship was supposed to be. Alice paused, trying to catch her breath and gather her thoughts. Dana took this opportunity to put her hand on Alices knee. She rubbed Alices leg supportively, her gesture letting the blonde know that whatever the outcome, she would be there. It was like that for me too, baby Alice flinched at the pet name. She stood up and moved across the room, needing to put some sort of physical distance between herself and Dana. Dana. Can you do me another favor? she asked, staring towards Dana, but being careful not to meet her eyes. Anything, Alice. You know that. Can you just.not talk? I dont think I can say this if you interrupt me. Yeah, sure. Just let me know when its okay to speak. I will. Ok, here goes. I just have to do one thing first. Alice stopped talking and walked over to where Dana was sitting. She reached down, tucked her fingers under Danas chin, and drew the brunettes face up to meet her own. Then she kissed her. Alice poured everything in to that kiss. All of her fears, her worries, everything she had ever wanted to say but didnt, everything felt. She wanted to let Dana know, in the simplest way possible, just how much she loved her. Then, without warning, she walked away. I think we need to take a break. Al, Dana began to say, completely and utterly confused. You said you wouldnt talk, said Alice, her eyes filling with tears for what seemed to be the millionth time that day. I think we need to take a break, because if we keep going like this, if I become this person, Ill drive you away. And not just you as my girlfriend. Ill lose my best friend. Im not doing this because I dont love you. Its because I dont know if you really love me. At that, Dana had had enough. She stood up and walked over to where Alice stood. How can you say that, Alice? How can you ***** say that? I broke off my engagement for you. I bought a ***** *****. I wanted you to come on the float with me. I sat next to the captain on the cruise wearing a ***** CAPTAINS OUTFIT. And I told you I loved you. How the ***** could you doubt that, Alice? Dana had started off speaking in a whisper, but by the end of her rant, she was yelling, and tears were streaming down her face. Alice looked at Dana. Dana was crying. Alice had hurt Dana, had made Dana cry. Alice, the journalist, the one who had a way with words, had manipulated the 26 letters of the alphabet in a way that made Dana, the love of her life, cry. Seeing that, knowing she was the cause of it, Alices resolve crumpled. Her legs bent, and she fell in to a pile on the floor. Sobbing, she tried to make Dana understand. Thats the point Dana. Objectively, yes. I know you love me. But for some reason, theres something inside of me that keeps me from accepting that. And its not you. Youre wonderful. Youre amazing. Youre the most wonderful woman on the ***** planet, and I dont feel like I deserve you. So I need time to figure out my *****. I need to figure out why I cant believe you when you say you love me, why I worry every day that Im going to lose you. Ive never dreamed of anything being this wonderful. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I need to make sure that Im more secure with who I am. As Dana looked at Alice sitting on the floor, makeup streaming down her face, everything made sense. Alice didnt doubt that Dana loved her, it was simply that she didnt fully comprehend why Dana felt the way she did. Despite Danas attempts to explain otherwise, Alice didnt feel that she was worthy of being loved. As Dana sat on the floor beside Alice and tried to wipe away her tears, she knew that somehow, she had to make Alice see herself the way Dana saw her. But how? TBC