There were only three things that Dana and Howie had in common but they just happened to be three fairly important things. The first was the fear of somehow disappointing their parents enough they would no longer love them. Second was their habit of hiding behind a mask, Howie’s was one of sardonic humor and Dana’s was a fierce dedication to tennis. Third was their unwillingness to let someone truly know and love them because of how incredibly vulnerable that would leave them to being hurt by that person. All three things of these things were why Howie was waiting outside of Alice’s apartment with Gino at two in the morning.

They had been standing there for thirty five minutes and forty one seconds when Gino finally voiced his opinion on their late night stake out. Lifting a gentle hand to tangle it into Howie’s curly hair, rubbing the back of his head as he did, Gino pressed a kiss to Howie’s cheek. When the other boy looked his way, he smiled softly and said, “I think you’re the best brother in the world for doing this.”

“But?” said Howie dryly, lifting an eyebrow.

“I wish I had a brother or sister like you growing up,” Gino continued, undeterred by Howie’s attitude which he was more than used to.

“No you don’t,” said Howie, moving closer to capture his lips for a kiss. When they separated, he smirked and said, “If I was related to you that would make us perpetrators of incest. Which is considered nasty, even by homos.” Gino laughed at this and scrunched up his nose to make an ‘eww gross’ face, causing Howie to smile fondly. Tilting his head to one side, brushing the back of his hand against his boyfriend’s cheek as he said again, “But?”

His laughter quietly dying, Gino met Howie’s gaze and murmured, “But maybe you should let your sister fix this on her own.”

“But she can’t!” cried Howie, looking at Gino with disbelieving eyes before turning his attention down the hall and folded his arms across his chest. “You don’t know Dana like I do. She’s not good with telling people how she feels.” He paused for a moment then focused back on Gino, pleading for some understanding as he said with certain affectionate exasperation for his sister, “Dane’s known she was ***** since she was fifteen and didn’t come out until she was twenty eight! And she’s been in love with Alice for years now and she’s only just told her.”

“I don’t see why that means you have to get involved with her relationship issues,” Gino explained kindly, trying his best to really understand why they were here. While he did think that Howie had to be the best brother he ever met, that didn’t change the fact that he felt they were intruding by getting involved with Dana and Alice’s problems. Reaching out to clasp the other boy’s hand and squeezing it, he said, “She’s your big sister, not the other way around.”

“What does that mean?” asked Howie incredulously, yanking his hand away and looking at Gino as if he were some strange foreign creature. “Because she’s older I can’t help her? I can’t worry about her?” Shaking his head and raising his arms up into the air, clenching his hands into fists, he turned to Gino and looked at him with dark eyes and said with a disconcerting intensity, “You don’t know my sister like I do. She’s the type of person who is so ***** afraid of being hurt and rejected that she’s willing to live her whole ***** life only halfway happy just to make sure that hurt and rejection never happens to her. Alice is her chance to be whole, to be happy all the way, and I’m not going to let her lose that without doing something to stop it.” Having said that, Howie faced forward, his jaw set stubbornly as he thumped loudly back into Alice’s apartment door, leaning against it. “Even if that makes me an interfering queen.”

Silence and then Howie felt Gino’s hands, callused from his playing on the golf team, cup his chin, lifting his head up to meet their eyes. “You’re not an interfering queen,” murmured Gino, stroking Howie’s cheek to move in for a slow kiss that soon escalated and had them moaning into one another.

“Why is ***** Boys Gone Wild at my door?” asked Alice in sardonic but alcohol bleary tones.

Separating quickly, Howie and Gino moved back to watch as Alice fumbled around with her keys before Howie snatched them from her hands after she failed to unlock her door by putting the key to her gym locker in the hole upside down. “Let me do that,” said Howie peevishly, easily unlocking the door and leaning back against it to let them in.

“He’s cranky,” observed Alice somberly, leaning into Gino and grinning up at him. “Hey kid,” she drawled. “You’re still hanging out with this bitchy guy?”

“I like bitchy guys,” said Gino humorously, wrapping an arm around Alice’s waist to lead her inside. “They’re feisty.”

“Is feisty the code word for super bitchy?” Alice drunkenly pondered, flopping down on the couch to squint at Howie who sat across from her on the coffee table. “That’s not lady like, you know, sitting on people’s coffee tables instead of their traditional sitting furniture.”

“I’m not a lady, I’m a bitchy ***** boy gone wild,” retorted Howie. He stared at Alice, an angry glint in his hazel eyes, then demanded, “What the ***** is going on? Dana is being all super loser recluse weird, coming home only to lock herself up in her old room listening to goddamn Morrissey. And you’re blasted and I have no idea what the ***** is going on except you’re both ***** up probably the best thing in your stupid ***** drama filled lives.”

“Dana’s listening to Morrissey?” asked Alice dimly, squinting at Howie and trying her best to figure out why the athlete would do that. She had never listened to Morrissey or The Smiths before. To Alice’s knowledge, at least.

“She always listens to the king of depressing ***** ***** men when she’s in a funk,” Howie declared, waving his hands in a dismissive gesture. Shaking his head, he stared at her in an unrelenting gaze and said, “What’s going on? Dana’s hurting and it looks like you are too.”

Alice stared right back at Howie, meeting his gaze unflinching and honest, making him want to wince at the sheer honest pain he saw reflected there. But he didn’t, he held the gaze until she averted it to look at The Chart and the elaborate line Dana had drawn linking them. “I know,” she said in a broken whisper. “I didn’t want this to happen. I love Dana so much.”

“Then why aren’t you with her?” asked Howie, instantly sympathetic as he saw Alice was hurting just as much as his sister was but still feeling somewhat angry because she wasn’t doing anything to fix it. The blonde didn’t answer and continued to stare at The Chart. This made Howie move to sit next to her on the couch and reach out to hold her hands as he ducked his head, looking at her as he said, “Alice?”

“I’ve been chasing her for years,” Alice began, her voice a devastating void of emotion. “Chasing after her to believe in herself, chasing after her to date and have a social life, chasing after her to come out, chasing after her to love me back. But I can’t do it anymore.” She looked at Howie and smiled wanly then said in a morose joke, “I’m old and I’m too tired to keep it up. I can’t be with Dana and have this ***** disease of a thought taking over the back of my head that if anytime we have a problem she could run away and leave me again like this.” Brown eyes immediately started to well up with tears and Alice released a distraught sob and rubbed at her eyes. “This hurts too much, Howie. I can’t go through it again and again. I don’t have that strength in me, no matter what Dana thinks.”

“Dana doesn’t think anything except how she misses you!” Howie exclaimed, fierce in his defense of his sister. “She’s afraid of losing you, Alice. I’ve never seen her this scared and believe me, I’ve seen Dana scared plenty of times over the years. But this is different,” he pleaded, trying desperately to make her understand. “It’s like she’s scared of trying to live her life without you. Just the idea she might lose you over this has ***** frozen things for her. Please, Alice,” Howie was practically begging now, lightly tugging on her hands in an unconscious movement. “Come with me… come see her.”

“I can’t,” said Alice. She pulled her hands back then hugged herself tight, keeping her eyes fixed on The Chart and the line Dana had drawn. Looking at it as if it held all the answers to the many secrets of the heart. That whatever Dana was feeling when she drawing the line would somehow reach her and let her know what to do to fix this. To make the pain stop and to help her save their love that Alice quickly felt slipping out of her grasp and beyond her reach. “This has to be her decision now. If she wants me I’ll be waiting.” Closing her eyes painfully shut, Alice’s voice was strangled as she continued, “Tell her that for me, Howie.”

There was more silence and she heard the sound of footsteps then Howie’s soft and angry mutter, “Sure, I’ll tell her you said that and not I love you.”

Opening her eyes and wondering why exactly she was bothering since the one thing she wanted to see was nowhere close to her apartment, Alice gave a small pathetic smile and turned to gaze out the window. Looking into the far reaching landscape of the city as if searching for what she wanted to see most.

“I was hoping she already knew that,” Alice whispered sadly.

—

Shane prided herself on being a good friend, trying to treat them in such a way that she would want to be treated herself, with earnest and loving patience. When she saw her friends hurting and in trouble, and if it didn’t involve immediate physical danger, her policy was to sit back and try to figure out the problem before approaching them. She never waited too long though, just long enough to have some idea of what was wrong as to be able to start the conversation that broached the problem in the right way.

Because if there was one thing Shane hated it was when people were careless with their words. Growing up in the homes of virtual strangers and never being sure how long she would be staying there, Shane had learned the power words could hold. That what she said would often determine the amount of time she had a roof over her head and as such, she came to the conclusion it was best not to speak until you had a precise idea of what reaction your words would receive. To be painfully honest, Shane’s harped upon charm was nothing more than a product of her survival instincts in foster care. You make people like you then they tend to treat you better. There was an air of deception to it that Shane despised because that charm, it wasn’t really her. It was this larger than life fabricated version of who she really was. Something that she had been hiding behind for years.

Only it couldn’t hide her from Carmen because somehow, against the odds, she saw past the charming facade to the real Shane. Saw past, Shane couldn’t help but chuckle at this. More like she shoved the facade disgustedly aside and demanded to see the real Shane. But it wasn’t something that Shane was willing to go along with. All her life anytime she would try to do that, when she would take that chance and show someone who she really was, it always ended badly. Bringing her more sorrow than happiness.

And so she refused Carmen, pushing her away until the one person that Shane knew really understood her fear, as they had lived for most of their life in its hold, came to her and said it was worth the risk. That there was infinite more to gain than to lose and to not even try made her a coward that would never know real joy in her life.

While there was nothing Shane hated more than careless words, being called a coward ranked fairly high. That meant the advice and that fear inducing chance was taken and soon Shane found out that it was true. It was so ***** and spectacularly true that it was worth that risk, and she was happier than she had ever been in her life. Something she owed to Dana.

When she heard through the fast moving chain of ***** gossip that got started due to Alice’s drinking at The Palms that the athlete was faltering, that she was letting her fear rule her again, Shane couldn’t sit back and do nothing. Dana helped her overcome that fear enough to take a chance with Carmen who then personally squashed it like it was a cockroach under the heel of her retro green and blue Kangaroo sneakers.

All of this led up to this awkward moment on the doorstep to the Fairbanks family home and Shane McCutcheon meeting Irwin Fairbanks for the first time. Each of them lost as to what to make of the other.

“Can I see Dana?” Shane finally asked, clearing her throat nervously and feeling like a timid teenager again. “I’m a friend of hers. My name is Shane McCutcheon.”

Irwin blinked then he wore a face of recognition and he stepped aside, holding open the door for Shane to enter. “The hair stylist,” he said knowingly. “I liked what you did with her hair for those photo shoots with Tennis Magazine. Don’t know how but you managed to make my little girl look even prettier than she already is.”

“Thanks,” said Shane dimly, feeling a bit flummoxed by Irwin’s friendly greeting and his clear parental pride about his daughter. “I’m glad you liked the cut.”

“I’ll take you to her room, that’s where she’s been hiding herself,” said Irwin in explanation. He sighed heavily and kept his gaze fixed ahead as they climbed the grand staircase leading up to the upper level of the house. “I decided to work out of my office at home today hoping that she’d want some company but each time I go to see her she tries to act like nothing is wrong.” Looking to Shane rather sadly, Irwin murmured, “I guess girls just can’t talk to their fathers about certain things. Maybe you’ll have more luck.”

Since Dana had been closeted, and fearfully so, during almost the entire time that Shane had known her there had always been this lingering assumption that her family was at fault. That they were so harsh, so religious, so unrelenting, so Republican, that they could never accept and love Dana once they knew that she was a *****. And in less than a minute, with only a few absent words and a simple facial expression, that belief was shattered. Suddenly Shane was almost angry at Dana for giving into her fear again because when faced with the kindness of her father, Shane couldn’t understand where that fear had even come from.

They loved her, they actually loved her. Shane never had that, she never had a family until she met her friends. But maybe Dana’s family being this kind, this caring, is what caused the fear. How terrible was it to know this kind of love and then have it taken away because of something you can’t change or control about yourself? It would be an absolute rejection of you as a person by those you care for the most.

The anger vanished as fast as it first appeared and by the time they reached Dana’s room Shane knew what she had to say. “Dana?” Irwin called out, raising his voice slightly because of the muffled sound of music coming from behind the door. When there was no response, he knocked on the door and said a little louder, “Dana? You friend Shane is here.”

No response came again but then the door slowly opened to reveal Dana, clad in a Subaru ***** Pride promotional t-shirt and fuzzy bunny print pajama bottoms, looking the portrait of what could only be called bizarrely adorable lethargic misery. She stared at them for what seemed an endless moment then said listlessly, “Shane.” Moving aside in the exact way her father had done earlier, she held the door open for the other woman. “Come in.”

“Sure,” murmured Shane, eyeing the athlete worriedly and walking into the dimly lit room that was filled with melancholy music.

“I’m getting lunch for us at noon so think about what you want, okay sweetheart?” said Irwin gently, searching Dana’s face frantically just as he had already done countless times before, hoping to find some sort of clue about how to help bring her out of this terrible emotional state she was in. “And let me know if either of you need anything, all right?”

“We will, Dad,” said Dana, giving him a weak smile of reassurance that didn’t try to do its job and even if it did try, would have failed completely in the process.

Returning the smile, weak and failing as it was, Irwin reached out to lightly squeeze Dana’s hand then turned to walk away. The tennis player watched him for several moments then she quietly shut her door and turned to see Shane standing by her small boom box, studying the case of the cd that was currently playing. Upon hearing the soft click of the door closing, Shane looked to her and formed a tiny grin.

“Morrissey?” Shane rumbled playfully, lifting up a lone eyebrow in humorous speculation. “That’s some depressing *****.”

“It fits my mood,” said Dana wearily, not looking at her friend as she sat down on her bed and leaned back into her pile of pillows.

Watching the athlete with a studious gaze, Shane set the cd case down and walked over to her, perching on the edge of the bed by her. They sat like that for a good while, comfortable in their conversational silence, allowing the music to wash over them.

“Close your eyes. And think of someone you physically admire. And let me kiss you. Let me kiss you. But then you open your eyes. And you see someone that you physically despise. But my heart is open. My heart is open to you.”

“You’re here to tell me I’m being retarded aren’t you?” asked Dana, a hint of a smile on her features as Shane turned to look at her. “Like I did to you.”

“For me,” corrected Shane, soft but somber. “What you did for me was probably the best present that I’ve ever gotten.”

“You must have had some crappy birthdays and Christmases,” remarked Dana dryly.

“Too many to remember,” Shane replied, matching the dry humor. “But that doesn’t change the fact that what you did for me was the best present I’ve ever gotten. Well,” Shane paused to smile shyly, almost hesitant in the joy it was displaying for her friend to see. “It helped me to get the best present, anyway.”

“Which is?” prompted Dana expectantly, her curiosity subdued thanks to her mood.

“Knowing what it feels like to be in love and happy,” said Shane simply, meeting Dana’s eyes for a gaze steady and kind in its honest emotion. “You gave me that by telling me to take a chance with Carmen, by saying that it’s worth the risk of being hurt to just give it a try. And you were right, Dane. You were more than right,” Shane amended, rubbing the back of her head sheepishly. “It was worth everything to feel this way. My life even.”

Reaching out to hold Shane’s hand, threading their fingers together, Dana said, softly and sincerely, “I’m glad, Shane. You deserve it, you know? You do so much for all of us, trying to make sure that we’re all happy.” Dana smiled on seeing the hair stylist redden and duck her head. Chuckling quietly, she said teasingly, “And it was nice to be able to shake up the all knowing Yoda and help her out for once.”

“You’re trying to distract me,” Shane accused, trying valiantly to fight against the blush forming on her pale features and losing the battle.

“A little,” admitted Dana fondly. She leaned back into her pillows and looked at Shane with lidded eyes. “But you’re going to say what you want to anyway, right?” Dana sighed and sunk into her mattress, closing her eyes in a gesture of acceptance. “So let me have it.”

“Dane,” rumbled Shane, releasing a quiet sigh. “I don’t want to let you have it… I just want to know why you’re doing this. You helped me see why it’s worth the risk to really love somebody and let them love you. I just want to know why you’re doing this to you and Alice. I don’t get it,” she muttered, her voice reflecting a clear frustration. “It doesn’t make sense.”