The L Word = Defined: Chapter 1 Fear of Being Alone

It was so cold lying on Alices couch in the middle of the living roomwithout Bette. Things are so messed up, Tina repeated in her mind as she had been doing the whole two months that she had been showing her pregnancy. She thought when she went to go get inseminated that she had some sort of stability. She thought her and Bette would never have to worry about anything like this. But instead, Bette slept with that carpenter, Candace.
Of course their friends hadnt realized the pregnancy either. Dana and Tonya were on the verge of getting married, Shane had just went through the hardest thing in her life (finding emotion) and Alice just chalked Tinas weight gain up to depression.
I shouldnt have gotten that lap dance tonight. Tina thought to herself, What was I thinking getting that stripper that looked like BetteI know, She stopped and thought about the last time she was with Bette. Home much hate and pain there had been. So much passion within the hate. It was right after Tina found out about what had happened between Bette and Candace. She didnt know the whole story till after Bette and Tina had sat down and had a discussion about it. How many times. The motel they got together at, the times at the gallery, and what had happened when they were in jail together.
They sat quietly for a long time after. Tina had broken the silence by saying shed leave, even if Bette said that Tina could have the house and she would leave. But Tina had made up her mind.
So, now Im lying here in the dark, by myself and I can smell hertaste her Tina began to cry as the thought of Bette ran through her mind.
Maybe it was her imagination, just giving her what she wanted at that point and time. Maybe someone was playing a cruel joke, but she could hear Bettes smile, and her laugh. This made Tina cry harder. Whimpering out sobs quiet enough so that Alice would not be disturbed.

But Alice had other things on her mind. Her frequent encounters with Dana were now becoming more of a problem since Dana would be getting married soon. Just one thought sent her into a whirlwind of lustful thoughts about Dana. Its all her fault, Alice thought, being all ***** and her veins bulging out after her practices. The way she comes into the bathroom where Im at, being all sexyIts all HER fault. Alice sat and fought with her hand from wandering. The night after Mr. P had died and walking up to Danas ringing her doorbell. Kissing herDana kissing her backnothing else could have made her feel better. She looked down at her hand, noticing her motions under the covers as she slowly rubbed her *****. Oh, for christ sake! She quickly pulled her fingers out from under the covers. No one was getting any sleep tonight.

Bette sat on her back steps with Shane getting totally *****-faced. Shane could hold her liquor, but Bette was knocking them back four beers every hour. She just left Shane, didnt even hear me out. Just came in, got her ***** and left. Bette slurred, skipping stones across the patio. And its so ***** stupidWhy did I have to yell? She turned to look at Shane, who was sitting next to her.
I dont know Bette, but Im sorry. Like I said before, loves a *****.
I justI miss her so much. Our bed if so empty, she began to sob, drawing out long gasp as she choked back the emotion in her throat, And now I dont know if shes ever coming back!
Bette laid her head against Shanes shoulder, and let the rest of her emotions go.

Dana was laying next to Tonya, remembering what had happened just a few hours before at MILK. What was I thinking when I asked you to marry me? Dana thought as she smoothed out Tonyas hair. Why do me and Alice keep doing this?
Just then there was a knock at the front door. Tonya shifted under the covers, whispering out, Baby, can you get that?
Dana slid out of the bed, rumpling the covers up over Tonya as the knocking continued. She walked out of the room, closing the door behind her, as she walked down the stairs, yelling, Coming! God, stop knocking already, she opened the door, to her surprise, there stood Lara.