The L Edition: Emotion Cause Commotion Part 2

As the film finished, Bette glanced over at the very sleepy Helena. She was straining her eyes to keep herself awake. Bette found it endearing and checked her cell phone for the first time, as she was not in view of the dining area clock. She was astonished to realise the time was now 12.15 am.

Tonight has been one of the best nights of my life; I just want to hold her. I want to be able to breathe the air she breathes. How can one person take over all of your emotions? Why don’t you just tell her, that you want to be with her officially and not be exclusive? Is that so hard Porter come on suck it up and tell her.

I’m sorry; it’s been a long day. Do you know what the time is?

Yes its pretty late, gone 12. I’m gonna go but I will talk to you tomorrow you need a goodnights sleep sweetheart.

Don’t go, its way to late to be going home now. I would never forgive myself if something was to happen to you. Why don’t you stay the night, I do have a guest room but forgive me it’s in a bit of a state. But you could share my bed, that’s only if you want to I…I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable though Bette that’s the last thing I want.

Are you sure, I mean it’s not too late for me to get a cab back to mine.

Of course I’m sure Bette.

If you sure then, I’ll stay.

As Helena puttered around hazily she was stunned at the change of events. Tonight things were going to change and she wasn’t entirely sure if she was ready for this step in her life. She liked Bette a lot but her career was important and she didn’t want to get tangled up in a long term commitment. She knew that she couldn’t commit herself completely to Bette in her life at the point she was at. But Bette had her under some kind of spell that whenever she was close enough to be touched by her she would get ravelled up deep into her web.

As she sauntered through her closet to find Bette something appropriate to wear for bed, suddenly a naughty thought come to mind. She laid out what she had chosen where Bette would sleep, she rejoined Bette in the living area.

There’s something for you to get changed into on the bed, I’m sorry about the choice but it’s the only thing I’ve got clean. I really have to catch up with my washing.

No im sure whatever’s there will be fine. Right I’ll just get changed you ready for bed sweetheart?

Yeah I’m tired I’ll be alright though, as Helena poured her self a glass of water and took her prescribed pills. The air was filled with nothing but silence, as she glanced towards the bedroom door which was slightly ajar. She saw the shadows of Bette’s movement she smiled and waited for the signal but her mind told her to just return to the bedroom.

As she pushed the door open Bette was in mid-way of getting undressed and preparing herself for bed. Helena’s eyes were glued to the perfectly toned figure which glowed in the subtle light. Her body shone as beautiful as the sunrise. The tranquillity of colours. The most beautiful thing to see no matter where in the world you lived. And Bette was an extremely exquisite woman and the sunrise was the only metaphor Helena could think of that held such beauty, and warmth to her life.

Oh my gawd…I’m so sorry Bette I though you were finished getting ready.

Helena told a little white lie to Bette, but it was worth it. It was weird for her to see a beautiful woman in her personal space. But Bette looked like she belonged there and she had been the one thing missing in her life. As emotions run high, Helena did her best to keep them unwraps. It was hard for her to hide them from Bette because she always felt like Bette could read her like an open book.

Oh fuck…It’s err its okay; you just scared me that’s all.

That really suits you Bette. Better than me actually.

Why thank you, you have quite a selective range of taste don’t you Miss Peabody?

I guess I do.

Make you self comfortable, thank you for tonight. I’ve had a lovely time having you here. And its even better that you are staying over.

No thank you, if this feels too weird for you let me know okay. I’m fine with sleeping in your guest bedroom Helena.

A night dress, I haven’t worn one of these since I was a child. But my god its expensive it Versace. Who knew Versace had crossed over to designing bed wear? I felt like a princess wearing this red lacy ensemble, normally I would have never picked this colour out for myself. Hell I wouldn’t even have gone into the shop and be able to afford to buy it. I learnt something that night, Helena had expensive taste and I did think to myself how could I afford to buy her all the things she wants. But I stopped myself there, I didn’t want exactly the same kind of relationship I had with Laura-Li. Instead I wanted to be able to offer more of myself than just what money could buy. Helena did have nice things, and had a good upbringing like I think I had but obviously with a slight twist. I didn’t envy her at all for it, I just embraced the fact that this was the girl I could fall in love with and this was apart of her. I couldn’t change or envy that or I wouldn’t really fall for the real Helena.

As they both climbed into Helena’s bed feelings of anxiety, tiredness and uncertainty washed over both of their bodies but for entirely different reasons. For Bette it was a shock to her system to be this close to a woman again, after Laura-Li left. Bette found her self to be in a bad state of mind. And her views on women she wanted to be with had changed significantly. There was so many things she wished she had done in the beginning, but it was too late she was gone. And it felt like a scary situation to be in, with Helena so close she would able to feel her heart beat and possibly her thoughts.

In Helena’s mind she felt giddy at the fact Bette would be so close, but also found in a tad frightening. And that’s why she has always left when Bette was asleep. She left so she did not have to face the awkward stares of silence in the morning, when things had actually time to be processed. It was hard to try and switch off what she was feeling for Bette deep down, but she knew she wasn’t emotionally ready or if she ever would be. The thought of homeland England came swimming through her mind. It had been hard to leave everything behind and she knew if things didn’t work out with Bette she couldn’t run away back to England, for it was not possible to up and move country every time you got your heart broke. She held back and tried to be stronger than ever before in her life it was harder than she ever imagined it to be, but her career kept her in focus of her goal.

Goodnight Bette

Sweet dreams Helena

As they both faced opposite’s sides of the bed, they could not sense or feel what the other one was doing. Suddenly Helena did not feel tired anymore because she had butterflies fluttering through her stomach that kept her wide-awake. As she tried to get comfortable her foot gently caressed Bette’s and there it was that electric spark. There was no denying it.

I’m sorry

Its fine no need to apologise, could you turn over to face me?

Helena slowly turned over to face Bette, at that moment it felt like the butterflies were slowly fluttering upwards to her throat. And about to escape from her stomach and explode causing a massive combustion.

I just wanted to ask you something and you don’t have to answer me straight away I will give you time to think about it.

(Oh no, here it comes she wants us to sleep together properly and not just sleep. How did I not see this coming, why can’t we just take this slowly for goodness sake? I’m not ready totally not ready for anybody to see my scars or share that kind of intimacy. Maybe this was a bad idea for a sleep over. Did I give her that sign that I just wanted to be fucked and have a casual open relationship? Should I tell her I don’t feel comfortable and for her to sleep in the guest room.)

Lena are you okay?

Erm yeah…Helena spoke unfocused on the situation at hand

Ok, well I wanted to know if we, I mean I wanted to know if you would consider being my girlfriend properly. Just me and you dating each other and no others, give us a proper chance for us to get to know one another. I really like you a lot and I hope you feel the same way. Bette spoke slowly and attentively, reinforcing her strengths by lightly washing over her touch on Helena’s stomach that ached. She was nervous at the outcome but remained optimistic and prayed that Helena would give her the light at the end of the tunnel she had been looking for.

I’m absolutely flabbergasted Bette im actually at a loss for words. I thought you were going to say something else but that don’t matter. I don’t know if I can commit such a true and definite relationship here in L.A Bette. My work is my hunger and I shall go where ever that takes me. I’m not in a place to make promises I can’t keep. But I truly care for you its hard to believe that night I met you, I was thinking of returning home for a while to see mommy. But you kept me from wanting to do that I don’t know what it is about you that is so intoxicating, you’re able to make me forget where my heads at at times. Don’t think of this as im giving you the brush off I don’t want you to think that ill of me. I want to try this casual thing that we have now. I’m not dating anyone else but you and I can promise you one thing is that I wont. But I can’t be official im sorry.

Bette sighed as she clumsily did it out loud but not wanting to appear rude. She thought about what Helena had just said she tried to process small pieces of information at a time.

So she wants to date me but not be my girlfriend? I don’t get it. What is it all about does she think im going to stop her from doing what she loves and does best? All I want is for her to be mine and for me to belong with her in those arms. What should I do I don’t want to press her on this, I can’t not now not like this. For crying out loud im in her bed wearing her night clothes. This should be one of the happiest moments of my life, but it has been very short lived.

I don’t know what to say I’m a little confused but we don’t have to talk now it can be another day when you’re not tired. We both need to get some sleep. I’ve got to be at work for 8.30am, what time you got to be in tomorrow?

Yes we will talk about it at another time that is more convenient for the both of us. I’m in at 9am so I’ll drop you to work on the way if you want.

Sure thanks

And with that both women turned over into the pitch black fall that covered them, Bette slightly frustrated of the nights events closed her eyes and played her emotions through a treadmill. As she tossed her weight helplessly she went into a deep slumber.

However Helena lay awake for a few hours thinking of how things would change and why was Bette so confused with her explanation. All she wanted was to be held tightly but Bette was far gone in the land of nod.