(In case I forgot to tell you all along the way THIS IS JUST A STORY !!! If I made you laugh, cry, think it was real, or want more chapters then maybe it wasnt such a bad story after all despite the fact it lacks BnT action. Im thinking of documenting my sessions with the shrink in some type of journal, but if I do itll be under an assumed name, a pseudonym so she doesnt catch me talking about FAN FIC stuff like HER or THE OTHER ONE)




I found my way to the wardrobe department of the studio with the help of several staffers along the way. Everyone here is so pleasant and genuinely happy to be working for this company. Just a tinge of jealousy over the thought of those folks lucky enough to hang with L everyday.

I walked into the fitting area and met with a someone who looked me over and laughed ! She said I was fine just the way I was, no need to create an image of any kind. I wasnt sure if I should take that as a compliment or not, but I just said Cool, what next?

The woman gave me directions to the set on which we would be filming – actually two sets – one was the Planet and the other the interior of some bar. Both sets were side by side so there was no need to travel. On the set a huge buffet of fruits and bagels and muffins and juices was set up and each new person arriving was told to help themselves as filming would commence in about an hour.

Not having breakfast with the two nitwits this morning, I found myself craving nourishment. So I grabbed an apple and a blueberry muffin and headed outside to call the doc and let her know that we would be filming some stuff today.

Once back inside the set was filling up with the extras cast for the two scene locations. Several production people arrived and started moving people from one set to another. It was explained to us that filming would more than likely be done simultaneously since these shots were just fillers. The chances of any of the series stars actually showing up was slim to none. But we were told not to despair because this evening there would be a small reception for all the extras used today and promises of several cast members being there were made. No names were mentioned but everyone starting buzzing about the possibility of meeting one of their favorites.

I was chosen for the bar scene (~~like there would be any doubt of that~~) and an assistant somebody blocked my action – in other words she showed me where to stand, where to face and what to do. I was simply to stand at the bar, drink the drink in front of me and look like I was making small talk with woman next to me.

It was explained to us that many of the filler scenes were pretty much ad libbed – not much sticking to any type script — things just went with the flow unless something blaringly obvious didnt jive. . . . like some wanna be actress making all kinds of attention-getting noise when she shoulda been keeping her trap shut.

Their idea of shooting in about an hour was more like two and . But everyone who needed instructions of some type was ready to go. The director walked onto the set and more buzzing began, although I had no idea who she was. She stopped to chat with several production people, pointed here and there, grabbed a set of earphones and sat down in her high-backed chair. Everything was in place and she barked out a few final instructions.

If you are supposed to be drinking, drink, dancing, dance, talking, talk. Never look directly into any camera that is circling the set and you will see several of them. Act like you are in a bar because you are. If something happens that you dont expect, just keep on doing what you are supposed to be doing and dont look or act stupid. Well run several times until I get what I want, so relax and have fun.

Just like in the movies, a person with a clap board stood in front of the camera and said L word series, episode fillers take one. and the director yelled action everyone.

My heart was racing – -this was it – -(~~Im ready for my close up Mr. DeMille~~) – I thought about Shorts and where he was–I thought about the doc and what she was doing–I thought about all the hospice boys and how I was going to get all those autographs for them. And then I though I was going to have a frickin heart attack.

I was chatting with the extra next to me standing at the bar . . The excitable young thing who won the radio contest. She was rambling non-stop when SHE touched my arm unexpectedly. Not expecting anything like that to happen I tried to remember not to act too stupid when I turned to see who it was . . . And it was . . .

SHANE !!!!! (~~~OH MY GAWD THIS ISNT IN THE SCRIPT~~~)

She stood beside me at the bar and leaned close to my ear and said

Just act as natural as you can – -like Im just some barfly hitting on you. she smiled all the while knowing I was completely stunned.

I leaned slightly back and away from her as if to get a better look and act surprised by the supposed proposal she just whispered in my ear. I smiled back and nodded.

She gave me an extremely sultry look as she traced my scar with her finger, nodded at me, grabbed my hand and led me out of the bar. There was no actual dialogue going on so not too many people noticed Katherine Moennig was even on the set, let alone doing the Shane thing and picking up a woman.

As we exited the set, she stopped me and winked saying how my friend Trey had asked her to do that !!! OH MY GAWD !!

I asked her about Trey and she went on and on about how cute, how sweet and adorable he was. She just loved him. In fact, he was invited to a private little cast party after the extra party after the shooting was completed. She asked me if I wanted go along and I thanked her but said I wanted to talk with him first. She understood, said goodbye and I was left standing just outside the set, waiting for the rest of the filming to be completed, waiting to see if they needed to shoot more, waiting for my heart to start beating a bit more regularly.

About an hour and later everything was wrapping up and I sat at one of the bistro style bar tables waiting for Shorts. He was working on the other set but I could see him from where I was sitting. He was wearing headphones and carried a clipboard and acting like he had been part of the production team for years! I smiled to myself as I watched him interact with other production personnel as most of the extras had left the set on their way to the reception with the stars.

I was so deep in thought that I never noticed HER come and sit beside me at the bar table.

Hes quite a character, that little guy, she said, startling me but knowing who I was watching.

Yea, he is. I said before turning to see who I was talking to.

And when I turned and saw who it was, I nearly fell off the bar stool – well actually jumped up quickly and apologized for hanging around the set. I explained that I was waiting for the little guy and didnt mean to be trespassing or anything.

She smiled and told me to sit back down and not to worry. She said that Trey had made the rounds and met most of the people on the show and everyone was absolutely enamored with him, found him delightful, were happy to be a part of his final mission of sorts (~~I couldnt believe he was telling everyone about being sick!~~). She said they all thought his work at the hospice was admirable and were hoping he might give them a sample of his drag show at the private party he was going to later. Since she knew all about the hospice and everything else because it was obvious Trey had a very big mouth, I asked her if she would mind terribly signing a few pictures for some of the residents. She said that Trey had already made that request and she and the others would be more than happy to accommodate.

Not to sit in an awkward silence for any length of time, I said how much I enjoyed the show and what I thought of her and even asked her about her marriage, dogs and photography. She was extremely disarming and engaging and very willing to dish about her life. We chatted like old friends for nearly 15 minutes before Trey strolled over to our table.

He was excited about staying for the party – he and SHANE had some serious issues to discuss before the night was through. I told him I didnt want to stay because I had someone waiting for me and she said that the studio would arrange to get Trey back to the campsite with no problem.

Actually, I told her we were checking into the Lord Stanley Suites for the next two days and that he could be dropped off there instead of way back at the RV park. She said she was familiar with that hotel and would be happy to get him back to us.

I extended my hand to say goodbye, but she pulled me in for a hug and I nearly passed out with pleasure. She said it was a joy talking with me, said to have a nice visit over the next few days, and have a nice trip home. She was ***** awesome.

I called the doc and told her I was on the way out to the camper with some pretty wild tales of the days activities. I told her Trey was staying and we would see him tomorrow. I told her I missed her and wanted to get some dinner.

We went back to the campsite to cleanup and give Smack one more walk around nature before heading into the big city. The hotel was a nice one and we deserved to treat ourselves after the completion of a successful mission.

The new digs was actually a suite which slept six but the doc insisted that we share a bed – and thats all we did — share a bed. Trey had his own living area and neither of us heard him come in late last night. But we both wanted to hear all about him partying with the women of L so we tried to roust him early.

When he didnt respond right away, I began to panic a little more than the doc although she was concerned. She told me to call his dad and I did. We decided to fly out later that day – first class – compliments of the old man.

Trey did manage to drag himself out of bed and insisted that he was just really tired, but both the doc and I knew better. The camper was stored and would be retrieved along with the docs car in North Carolina at another time.

Once on the plane, Trey slept all the way home – -the doc sitting between him and me — keeping an eye on him and lending me her shoulder. I slept all the way home, too, keeping close to the doc and fighting the nausea from the motion sickness and the tears that wouldnt go away as I felt something just was not right.

When we landed on Floridas west coast nearly ten hours later, an ambulance was there to greet us courtesy of Treys dad. The dad, the doc and the boy all rode together to the hospice while I gathered up some Smack from the luggage area. He had been relegated to the cargo area of the plane and was not very happy right now.

Trey never woke up from the time he left the plane until he died two days later. And I never had a chance to say goodbye, to talk about the L party, to find out what he and Shane had discussed, or to ask if he needed me to do anything for him. I was so incredibly sad that my entire body physically ached for days.

His family had a very private ceremony and burial with no one except me, the drag band and a few doctors invited. Now that was sad. Even though his dad had accepted Treys fate, the other members of that dysfunction family seemed to be embarrassed by his demise and totally unaware of his popularity and accomplishments.

Now the hospice, on the other hand, had an open memorial service or going away party as they liked to call it. The place was literally overflowing at the seams with friends and family and the tv station was NOT permitted to film any of the service. Trey had wanted a huge bash and that is exactly what was happening.

I found a seat way in the back of the small auditorium and had grabbed one of the HIV infected babies from the nursery to hang out with me. I bounced him on my knees when they played 80stunes in between speakers. No one was allowed to be morbid or sad and only funny Short stories were retold over and over and over.

I had sent the cast and crew of L a funeral notice from the local paper and their response was positively overwhelming. They sent a huge 2 X 3 framed photo of Trey in the middle of the cast – obviously taken during the party after the filming. The hospice displayed it prominently on the small stage surrounded by wreaths and hundreds of flowers. The cast also sent nearly 80 signed pictures which were distributed to the other boys and staff members. And in one of the most unselfish gestures yet, they sent a mammoth donation to the hospice in appreciation for the work that they do.

The highlight of the service was a performance by BEFF FRIED RICE and when they sang Treys signature tune I WILL SURVIVE there wasnt a dry eye in the house, including mine. As a final tribute, Bette Midlers YOUVE GOT TO HAVE FRIENDS
Was played along with an accompanying video of Treys many memorable moments.
Everyone was singing and swaying, arm in arm and I couldnt take it any more. I threw the little boy over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes and he screeched with glee. But before I could exit the hall, the doc grabbed my waist from behind and started to sway and sing in my ear (not a bad voice either). She squeezed me and the baby and made me glad I did stay. Because when the song ended the party didnt – everyone mingled around chatting happily about Trey and the time they spent with him. I loved hearing everyone talk so happily about him – -it was very gratifying.

I think about him every time I watch L and I usually watch it with the doc, Smack sleeping at the foot of the bed. She told me once before that everything would be OK and you know what – -it is – -everything is OK . . .


THE END . . . . . .

PS . . . Hey t.b.l. Im under a no contact mandate from the shrink so if you send me your e-mail address Ill sneak away and maybe you can accessorize my wardrobe with those handcuffs and discipline me for my gross misuse of the English language. . . . .