(Its said that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. I think I spend 90% of my 90% just trying figure out what to do before actually doing it. If it is meant to be, then learning to let go without going astray is critical. Just because you have a hidden desire for some type of crazy serendipitous ending to your madwoman-style existence doesnt mean it wont happen- doesnt mean you should give up the chase for a happy ending. Trust yourself – you know more that you think – its always easier to make a buck than it is to make a difference. I believe in happy endings, sometimes its just not a straight and narrow path to that goal.
Sometimes after the fall I wonder what I have done, wonder whether or not restoration is possible. Its amazing what time can do to help you find that beautiful romance. The authors here have helped me pass the time as I weave my way through life in search of my own happy ending. But some of them have disappeared. Perhaps they will heed the pleas of some of their colleagues, perhaps a little introspection will help them find their way back. I saw one come back today – she had been gone so long I didnt realize how much I missed her
I dont know whats worth fighting for or why I have to scream. I dont know why I instigate and say what I dont mean. I dont know how I got this way. I know its not alright. So Im breaking the habit. Im breaking the habit tonight.

Please dont read this story if you dont want to – if you have not been following along you will not get whats going on – – NO BnT HOT STUFF HERE )








Today was the last Tuesday Show at the Hospice for Shorts before we leave on our trip tomorrow and I wanted to make sure I was up and ready to go. I set my alarm for 1:15 – thats P.M. but as usual some nitwit felt the need to call me early. It was 12:30 and I was not quite ready to chat with anyone. From what I remember, my evening with the nave young tourist I left with from Sneaky Petes went pretty well and I just wanted to savor those moments a little longer before rejoining the real world.

Since I have no answering machine, I picked up the phone on the 12th ring, hoping the caller would give up and hang up. Not a chance. Before I answered I noticed the sand in my bed, felt it in my hair, my mouth, under my nails and somehow wedged in every bodily ***** I possessed. (~~WHAT THE *****?~~)

You are kidding, right? I answered without knowing or caring who it was, still lying in bed brushing sand away. Its not even 1:00, Ive got sand up my butt and sweaters on my teeth and tongue , and you in my ear so this better be ***** good.

Good god, girlfriend, the mouth on you belongs on a drunken sailor – oh wait – you are a drunken sailor.

It was Shorts – that midget rat *****.

Why do you insist on doing this to me? I begged. You know Ill be there, especially today since its your swan song of sorts.

Oh honey I know youll be there. I just cant believe that you didnt come to the party last night and I just wanted to be the first one to confront you about your little tryst with the Kentucky Fried Chicklet, Shorts sounded absolutely giddy with that the cat-that-swallowed-the-canary voice.

I sat up, threw my legs over the side of the bed and bent my head between my knees. I needed to wake up and focus because I wasnt quite sure I was ready for the revelations about to be dumped on me.

You knew I wasnt coming – that was your thing with your tv friends, and how do you know about me and the girl, I asked not really wanting to hear his explanation. He wasnt at Petes last night, and unless that big-mouthed barkeep Katey or her knucklehead girlfriend Jade popped off, there is no way my little friend could know anything.

Sweetie, the question you should be asking is who doesnt know about you and the girl he giggled. The beach is a small place where everyone knows everyone elses business and when you take your conquest to the lifeguard stand at the main pier, your love life suddenly becomes an open book – or in your case an open ***** novel ! Girl have you no shame !!! You couldnt go down a few more blocks to the north end where its deserted and dark?

All of a sudden I was getting a queasy feeling in my stomach and I wasnt sure if it was from all the alcohol (another 10 rounder with Jose Cuervo before leaving with the not-so-bright blonde – is that a redundant statement?) or the fact that people knew what I did last night.

Ok Shortcake, I said hesitantly. Explain – and do it in language I can understand.

Girl, theres nothing to explain. You took the chicken wing to the beach and the first report of ***** like noises came in around midnight and the last report came in around 5:30. And believe me every report was DE-tailed and explicit – kinda like what was goin with you two.

OK, enough – I dont believe you – Im sure that one of those WHO-ME birdbrains told you what I was up to and thats pretty much the end of it. Ive got a couple of errands to run before the show so Ill meet you there. No need to pick me up and no need to chat any more.

I hung up the phone before Shorts could say another word. I dont know how much of what he said was true – all I do remember is that we did go to the beach, we did have ***** at the lifeguard stand, we did have ***** all night long and she was pretty loud. Other than that I dont remember much, but the sand all over my body was bringing back a memory or two.

I headed to the bathroom to shower and get ready to go when I stood in front of the mirror to look at my reflection. (~~~*****~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~) I thought to myself as I leaned in for a closer look. Those young things are a mess to mess with — my Louisville lover had left teenage-type marks all over my neck and chest — passion marks, sucker bite, hickeys whatever you want to call them– she left them !!! Dumbass – me not her! Yea, explain this one away you moron. I shook my head disgusted with myself and headed to the shower. Once inside I couldnt help myself – I burst out laughing at the thought of all the noise in the lifeguard stand and the proof positive on my neck that it happened!

I decided to ride my bike to the show – everything on the beach is within a few miles of everything else. The exercise would do me good – wind in my hair and sun on my face and plenty of room to barf if I needed to.

I had to make a stop at the tv station – unbeknownst to Shorts I had his friends there put together a tape of him to be played at the end of the revue to Bette Midlers Friends. We are going to surprise him with this one instead of the usual one featuring the patients.

I also had to see Shorts dad and give him our itinerary. I couldnt risk talking to him at the hospice – Trey still didnt know of my lying and betrayal.

I was anxious to get the place because I wanted to have time to talk with the boys about last Sundays final episode of L. The surprises in that finale were endless and so would be the conversation about it as soon as I could get my sorry ***** to the cafeteria.

When I arrived at the hospice eatery I was glad to see the boys had saved me a seat and even bought me an orange juice and cinnamon toast. No sooner had I walked in the door when they all stood up and applauded, bowed, whistled and totally embarrassed me to no end. I had worn a pair of docker shorts along with a sleeveless mock turtleneck cotton top in an effort to hide my last nights escapades. Ah to no avail – caught like the perverted rat I was.

I acted like I didnt know what the hoopla was all about as I sat down and downed the juice in one effort – just like a shot of JC– my face still red from the greeting. I quickly initiated a conversation to avoid their questioning.

Hey guys wheres the doc? I asked. Burying my face in the cinnamon toast.

We hear shes going away for about six weeks – some kid of detail or special assignment. All very mysterious – shes not letting on whats goin on.. Leaving tomorrow I think. Said she hated to miss Treys bon voyage show but she had things to do. Definitely gonna miss her. (~~ME TOO – MISS A WOMAN I DONT EVEN KNOW~~~).

Girl, now dont try changing the subject – we wanna hear all about your little Southern Comfort last night – well actually we all HEARD about it — we just want to hear what you have to say !!

They were all high-fiving and giggling thinking themselves so very cute. But they were rotten , like the eggs this cafeteria was trying to serve.

Ok, Ill say this once and then thats the end of it. From what I can remember, and its not a lot, she tasted like chicken and squealed like bacon. There, thats all of it — all five and hours of it. So can we talk about L now? Im still freaking out about the ending.

You would have thought those guys hit the lottery or something the way the were carrying on about my description of last nights sexcapade. Good gawd, I need to talk about L and they were screeching like kiddies at Christmas.

Hey, hey, hey fellas, the Show?? Please? Discussion?

It took a few minutes but they finally settled down for a decent chat about what the ***** happened with Bette and Tina, about Dana and Alices kiss and of course about Ivans relentless seduction of Kit. There was not much agreement about much of anything which made for lively talk for which I was grateful. By the end of the discussion the one thing we all did agree on was it was going to be a long cruel summer.

I excused myself to do my part for the show and within minutes the lights went out, the emcee riled up the troops, cries of SHRIMP FRIED RICE reverberated throughout the small auditorium. Then darkness, silence, and Shorts voice bellowing PEOPLE — PEOPLE WHO NEED PEOPLE — ARE THE LUCKIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.
The Striesand show was ssoo hot – the crowd erupted and chants of BARBARA, BARBARA, BARBARA, filled the room. It was ***** awesome.

When the revue was all over and Bette Midlers YOUVE GOT TO HAVE FRIENDS came on and the tape rolled with shots of Shorts, our tidbit was stunned, tears streaming down his face. The crowd could not have been singing any louder, could not have been swaying any more to either side, could not have shown more love to Trey then they were at this moment. It was ***** awesome.

When the standing O finally subsided, Shorts promised everyone autographs and pictures of the L cast, thanked them for everything and took a minute to introduce the newest member of the group Bonnie (Bob Hitchcock). He was still in his firemans uniform sans shirt – just his pants with suspenders and HUGE bare chest. The cat calls were deafening and there was no doubt that the show would go on.

Trey had people to see and things to do at the hospice and I was still hung over as usual. I told him I would pick up him and that Smack creature at 8:00 am tomorrow. The mini winni was packed and fueled, the maps and ON STAR in place and the music ready.

I hugged him and let him return to his people, waved goodbye to all the others – felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. . . .We off to the see the L girls, the wonderful women of L . . and get our asses on cable TV . Leaving at 8:00am tomorrow . . . Sharp . . .

TBC