*Probably a girl/guy thing*

Thinking that I thought of Eric’s words earlier in the car: “I mean she’s a lesbian baby”

*Well?? What does that have to do with it?*

I thought a little bit annoyed…. Sometimes my head just thinks thoughts I can’t see reason of thinking…

*Yet…. You never saw a Lesbian in your live Tina… Untill this moment*

Now… I  started trying to get into a more comfortable position without waking Eric up…

Maybe moving to LA from a safe countrytown wasn’t such a good idea after all… I had been working my *ss of at this lawfirm where I was currently a secretary but soon hoping to get a promotion, and Eric opened this gallery he had always dreamt about… But we didn’t have any friends… and everyone I ever talked to was Eric, clients, bosses and the occasional drycleaner and bakery… Maybe thats why I left that earring in the gallery for Bette to find… She still couldn’t get over doing that…

*But what if Bette doesn’t find it???*

A sudden feeling of panick washed over me… What if I never saw Bette again… what if…

I sat up straight and heard Eric moan when I escaped from his grip…

Can I call her to ask whether she found it?

*Right, Tina… Of course… at 4 in the morning… She will be thrilled to hear you*

Sighing I made me way to the kitchen to get some water I caught myself moments later sad at the kitchen table… Thinking my What if’s… What if… I don’t get that promotion… What if… I keep missing my family this much… What if… Eric finds someone else…  Yeah I was really good at my what-if-thinking… But my that one question kept creeping back in…

What If I would never see Bette Porter again…

Downing my drink I felt some drops of water run down my chin… and before I knew it…. and especially before I knew why I felt a tear coming from the corner of my eye and running down my cheek… I was so surprised I didn’t even bother drying it… And softly then and there, with all my what if’s on the kitchentable, I started to cry for the first time since I had gotten to LA…