Their friends could tell something was up between the couple.  The tension was palpable but since the reticent Bette was now their daily partner at The Planet they knew less than ever about the interior lives of their friends Bette and Tina and plenty about Angelica.


******


About a month or so after Bette’s return from the Buddhist monastery Bette woke up one night to see Tina standing in her doorway.

Bette:   Is everything all right with Angelica?

Tina:    She’s fine.

Bette:   I don’t understand.  Why are you standing here?

Tina:    I miss you.  

Bette looked at Tina, really saw her for the first time in a while and truth be told she didn’t look her best.  She obviously hadn’t been sleeping well and looked it.  Once again Tina and Bette had changed roles.  Bette was distant and Tina longed for a connection.

Bette:   I know Tina but its not that simple.

Tina:    Bette we got past Candace and Helena can’t you get over this?

Bette:   It’s different, I know logically there shouldn’t be a difference but for me there is.

Tina:    I was with a man with I met you it didn’t seem to bother you then.

Bette:   Can’t you appreciate that maybe I’ve had a deep rooted fear that you would go back to men one day and that I can’t help thinking I was an aberration for you.

Tina:    But Bette when we were apart I was with another woman.  After the baby I felt things I couldn’t control, but I managed to control my actions before it went too far because I couldn’t hurt you that way and I didn’t want to destroy my family.  When are you going to stop punishing me Bette?

Bette:   How long did you punish me for fucking up?

Tina sighed and blew the hair out of her eyes.

Tina:    About a year I guess.  Well let me know when you’ve had enough, it’s tiring; trust me I know from personal experience.

Tina turned around and went back to her bed where Angelica was sleeping and wondered again if she had made the right decision and how long she would be able to last and if there was anything left of their relationship to save.


*****

About a week later Bette stood in Tina’s doorway watching her and Angelica sleep.  Tina had on her dark blue pajamas with the white stripe always a favorite of Bette’s.  Bette couldn’t watch her daughter sleep without wanting to touch her.  Bette carefully got into the bed and kissed Angelica’s forehead and lightly rubbed her cheek.  Even asleep Tina had 6th sense about Bette’s presence and opened her eyes to find Bette looking down on her and Angel.

Tina:    Hey.

Bette:   Hey

Bette started to leave the bed.

Tina:    Don’t go.

Tina’s eyes were pleading with Bette to stay.  After a long pause Bette spoke.

Bette:   T do you ever remember when our lives were less complicated and we just seemed to get along?

Tina:    You mean back in the stone ages?  Yeah, I do.

Bette:   Do you ever retrace the steps and wonder what we could have done differently?

Tina:    I wish I could stop.

Bette:   What happened?

Tina:    Life happened.  We made mistakes, didn’t communicate, failed each other but we always loved each other

Bette:   Do you think we’ll ever be able to be those people again?  I mean the ones who got along not the ones who made all those mistakes.

Tina:    I don’t know Bette.  But I do know we won’t get there if you continue to sleep in the guest room and we continue to walk on eggshells around each othe and if the only communications we have are about Angelica and we never discuss how we ended up living separate lives in the same house.  The only time we spend together is with Angelica.  We need to talk to each other instead of at each other.  We need to spend some time alone together.

Bette:   You’re right.

Tina:    I’ll start by sharing something.  Take the pajama’s I’m wearing.  I’ve always liked these.

Bette:   Me too.  (Bette couldn’t help smiling a little)

Tina:    I left them here that night I went to Alice’s.  The night The Planet reopened I came to the house to get more of my stuff and I when I saw these pajamas on the bed, that you had been wearing them it moved me.  I couldn’t help myself, I started make the bed, I put the laptop on the nightstand, pulled up the comforter and then I sat down and hugged your pillow to my face so I could smell your scent and then I hugged it to my body and cried.  

I don’t know what made me do it but I took your computer off the nightstand.  I didn’t hack into your account or anything but your e-mails were all right there and when I saw that e-mail from Candace after you had said you weren’t going to talk, see or think about her ever again it felt like someone had stabbed me in the gut.  I can’t describe how much it hurt but I also want to say I’m sorry because I had no right to open and read your mail.

Bette had tears in her eyes and one slipped out despite her best efforts.

Bette:   T the god’s honest truth is that I had not seen or returned one of Candace’s calls since that day I told you I wouldn’t at The Planet.  She took that photo while I was asleep and obviously sent it to me as a little inducement but it wouldn’t have worked even if you hadn’t of seen it.  I had to leave The Planet early because Kit was singing Some Kind of Wonderful with Betty and I couldn’t handle being reminded of what I’d lost.

When I got home and entered the bedroom, I immediately noticed something was different.  I had been a hung over mess that day and had to work on the Peabody grant from home and I knew I hadn’t made the bed.  So first I saw that you’d made the bed and then I saw the photo and knew that you had seen it so I opened your wardrobe only to find it empty.  I was so distraught I tried to drown my sorrows in the pool.  I walked in fully clothed and ruined a lovely silk top and pants and a rather expensive pair of shoes and didn’t care a whit.  I thought I was going to die of misery that night.  I’m so sorry you saw that photo and I’m sorry I put you in that position it never should have happened.

Tina:    So it is my fault you didn’t get the Peabody grant. [Tina joked lightening the mood a little.]  One of the reasons I didn’t go to The Planet was because I was working on my grant application and from what Alice told me she was afraid you were smoking and drinking your self to death while I was eating my pain.

Bette:   I see you didn’t just use the weight gain excuse on me.

Tina:    Bette, while we are apologizing, you know that I’m truly sorry you found out I was pregnant from Helena.  That’s not how I intended you to find out.  I shouldn’t have been so confrontation avoidant.  I should have told you sooner.

Bette:   I know but it’s nice to hear.  T, you know hurt I was, I thought you hated me and that’s why you kept it a secret from me.  I’m just so glad she’s here and that I get to help raise our daughter.  Sometimes, I forget what a kind and generous person you can be.  I guess we should try to get some sleep tonight.

Tina:    I guess so.

With Angelica between them Bette was able to share a bed with Tina that night.


*****

As the weeks went on Tina and Bette made little improvements, they took baby steps so to speak towards rebuilding their relationship and tried not to get discouraged that for every two steps forward they took one step back.  They made an effort to have dinner conversation that wasn’t about Angelica or directed towards Angelica who loved the undivided attention of her two mommies.  Tina told Bette about a pitch Mark had made.

Tina:    Bette you won’t believe who came in and pitched to me today.  Remember that guy Mark who was Shane and Jenny’s housemate for a while?

Bette:   Sure I do, I still don’t get why he asked to film Daddy’s memorial service.

Tina:    Well it turns out he wants to put his illustrious past as a stupid girls gone stupid enough to show their boobs for free while drunk on spring break filmmaker behind him and make legitimate documentaries starting with a Compendium on Lesbianism.

Bette:   You’re joking.

Tina:    No.

Bette:   Is it any good?

Tina:    Well if you like terrible editing, imbecilic third-rate narration and finding out the intimate details of your friends’ lives that you just don’t want to know then yes.

Bette:   Who’s in it?

Tina:    Mostly its Jenny, Shane, Carmen and Shane’s Baby Dyke Collection but Alice and Dana make a guest appearance or two, as do you.

Bette:   You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.  I don’t recall being filmed or signing any release forms.  I know I showed up pretty drunk one night and then my dad was dying but I wasn’t that out of it.

Tina:    I had a feeling you would never have agreed to be in his documentary about the inner lives of lesbians.  I think he means well, he said he wants to change people’s views and give young girls who live lives of lesbian desperation in the boonies hope but the project is crap.  Get this I stepped out and called Shane and found out that while they did sign waivers and agree to be filmed and interviewed Mark put up hidden cameras throughout the house and didn’t tell them.  Jenny found one of his tapes when she was looking for some DVDs she’d lent him.

Bette:   Jesus Christ.  Now wonder he moved out.

Tina:    No get this they let him stay there even after they caught him.  Shane forgave him and Jenny after ripping him a new a-hole decided to let him stay.

Bette:   What did you say to him after you found out?

Tina:    I told him that if he didn’t cease and desist from trying to sell his film I would make his life a living hell and he would look back on his days living in Jenny’s garage as the life of luxury.  He told me living with the girls had changed him and made him a better man and he can no longer make a living by exploiting women.  He asked me to reconsider and reminded me that the girls signed waivers and though he regretted how he got the footage he doesn’t regret what he learned and he has a legal right to distribute it how he pleases.

Bette:   You aren’t making this up?

Tina:    No, I’m not.  So I said I hope he’ll still be pleased when he hears from our lawyers and informed him our meeting was over that I had producers, distributors and lawyers to call.  I got a copy of the signed waiver and sent it over to the studio’s lawyers.  Hopefully Mark doesn’t have enough money for an expensive legal battle or he’ll decide he doesn’t want me to call every movie executive I know.

Bette:   So basically you told him to step off bitch.

Tina:    Yep.

Bette:   I’m so proud of you.  

Bette was telling the truth and Tina could see it shining in Bette’s eyes.  


*****

Relations had finally improved between the once weary couple and they were standing on firmer ground.  Bette thought they could use a few days away from work, friends and Angelica.  Bette thought about making it a total surprise but decided to ask Tina if she was ready to go away for a few days and what she wanted to do.

*****


TBC…..