Chapter 22

“Hey Bette! It’s Alice. I’m just calling to make sure you got home alright and everything is…alright and…you know, just being a good friend…but I guess you’re still asleep. Or maybe you’re not asleep, if you know what I mean, and…eh, well, that’d be cool. And I want you to know that wouldn’t think any less of Tina because it was a first date, I’d just totally have a higher opinion of you…Oh well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. You might actually just be asleep. It’s still dark after all. Hmm, I wonder what time it is… Let me just check very quickly…Oh shit! Okay, I guess it’s maybe kind of a tiny little bit early so you’re probably just asleep. So yeah, call me when you get this.”

“Hi, it’s Alice again. Yay, you’re dear friend Alice! So eh…sorry ‘bout that really early call. Yeah, I’m calling again, but now it’s just early, you know, and not like really early, so it’s alright to call. So hit me back when you finally wake up, alright sleepyhead? I mean, the sun is almost starting to get up, so…well, you know, call me!”

“Porter-lady! Spill it! Everything about your date last night, ‘cause we’re curious. You know, me and Dana and Shane…well, maybe not so much Shane, ‘cause she’s out doing something. Or someone. Probably the latter. But Dana and I are very curious. I mean, I think she is too…she’s always up sickeningly early. Like when you ask her “Dana, what time do you get up?” and she answers, you’re like “Fuuuuck, that’s early!” You know, that early. So I’m sure she’d like to know about your da-…oh wait, she doesn’t get up for like another hour. Well, never mind then. I’ll try you later. Toodles!”

“For God’s sake, woman, check your messages! It’s alm-”

Bette shut off her answering machine.

“I think we’ve heard enough…wouldn’t you agree, dear friend Alice?”

Alice was looking very uncomfortable. Shane and Dana were also looking uncomfortable, but more in a ‘I’m biting my tongue so hard to refrain from laughing out loud that I’m tasting blood’ sort of way.