(They say paranoia is a side effect of any addiction. I dont know who THEY are, but when I finally track them down there will definitely be some serious ***** kicking taking place. And when THEY cry uncle as I have heard they do, then and only then will I tell them how much I hate them for being right.)

K just called me an addict and for one brief panic-filled moment I thought I was sssooo busted. The there is NO WAY, absolutely NO WAY she knows about you guys. Ive been careful, very careful in word and deed. I dont print out any stories so there is no paper trail. And that girl cant even turn ON the computer let alone navigate her way through cyberspace just to end up at one of my favorite sites. NO WAY she knows, nope, no way.

My proverbial deer-in-the-headlight look was brief and unnoticed by K as she playfully called me an addict. She stood up from the table and began clearing away the dishes. I let out a huge sigh of relief kiddingly wiping my forehead as if to say WWHHEEWW. Again the actions go unnoticed. Come on, she begs. help me with these and tell me about the book. You know I love the way you tell a story. Its just more fun for me than reading the whole thing myself. Come on.

Ok I grab a few more dishes and some empty glasses and take them to the sink where K is drawing water to wash them. I have a dishwasher but we dont use it; its more fun to wash and dry and chat.

Ok, I say again as I turn and lean my backside into the counter. K begins to wash and I begin to talk. This is a good one, I say with a touch of giddiness. You know, perhaps you should give some serious thought to getting your own library card and checking out some books on tape. No reading involved.

Perhaps you should just shut up and tell the story, she chides as she splashes a handful of bubbles my way.

ok, ok ok, I say feigning exasperation. This ones a mystery, and youll like this part, the main character is a WOMAN police officer. Well actually an EX undercover woman police officer. I havent gotten to the part yet where we find out if shes a ***** but she did just cut off all her long hair in a desperate act of self-loathing. You see shes this assertive, type A personality loose cannon kinda girl involved in the death of a fellow officer during a drug bust gone bad . . . .

As I continue to tell the story of the ex undercover woman police officer, my mind begins to multi-task. Sometimes I amaze myself as I talk about one thing and think about something entirely different and unrelated. I love the book I am reading because I am so drawn to flawed female characters. This woman had committed an unspeakable, unforgivable act — at least thats what she thinks in her mind. Shes been scarred physically as well as emotionally and doubts her ability to experience life again. She has fallen pretty far down the pit of despair” and only at the urging of a total stranger does she begin the journey back. I love the story because it has all the ingredients I need to be hooked — a story of betrayal, self-loathing, self destruction, denial, admission, redemption, salvation — the comparisons to Bette are inevitable, at least in my mind. I so desperately want K to make the connection to Bette but she doesnt get it. She just listens intently, genuinely interested in the ex-officers attempt to pull her life back together.

I want her to say, God, hon, that sounds a little like Bettes situation. Even though shes not a police officer and everything. I want her to see that Bette has committed an unspeakable, unforgivable act of betrayal; I want to say Oh my god, you are so right.

I want us to, for just a few frenzied minutes of free flowing thought, compare ideas of possible scenarios for next seasons show. I want to hear her excitedly say . . Ya know what I think? I think Bette is so fu*ked that she gets fired cause that guy who saw her at the bed and breakfast was a board member and then that carpenter woman is gonna sue for sexual harassment and the case is gonna go so public that Tina will feel she can never forgive and forget even though everyone in the entire universe knows shes the only one who can save Bette as soon as Bette realizes, acknowledges, accepts, changes and gets her head out of her ***** long enough to start getting her sh*t together.

Oh my god, that is so NOT going to happen! No, this is what I think. . . I think that Ivan has a ***** and really CAN give Kit whats shes looking for. And then K will laugh until she cries saying You are so twisted — that is not gonna happen. No, I think that Ivan IS A *****, you know, like a detective and Alice is gonna hire her to follow Tonya around and theyre gonna find out who this Deb chick is that Tonya was talking to when she was in Danaa bed right before she killed that cat. Then it will be my turn to laugh . . .

“no, no, no, . . ok ,ok ok, ok, how about this one . . . Shane ends up in the hospital with a couple of broken hands cause that Steve guy thinks she’ sniffin around his wife again and she ends working a the Planet cause Marina get deported cause Francesca gets pissed and . . . . “

And on and on and on it would go. But it wont go between us because K doesnt get it.I dont think she cares what will happen next season. Im not sure she even remembers who Tonya is. K doesnt get it. She doesnt feel the need to check the site to see if that one author will EVER post another chapter again. K doesnt feel the disappointment upon not finding the next installment even though it has been nearly a week. She so doesnt need to feed her addiction. I envy her.

K is only interested in the ex undercover woman police officer who has been hired by a 12-year old girl to find her missing older sister, a groom at the local riding stable nestled in the heart of the rich and famous pastures of Palm Beach County. Oh my god, she excitedly cries. You are so right, this IS a good one. . . .


TBC