Some kind of wonderful

Chapter 44

Tina knew that Bette was still very shaky after her confession. When the day had started she had been hoping for three days of walking, drinking too much and sex but this was far more important than that. This was Bette opening up to her and showing her just how much she trusted her. Tina had been fearful that Bette’s secret meant that she didn’t trust her but now the story was out in the open Tina knew that it proved the opposite – that this was the ultimate display of trust. Tina dimmed the lights and lit some candles she found in a cupboard. Hooking her I-phone up to her mini speaker she had packed she put on a good play list and returned to Bette’s seat to squeeze in and sit with her arms wrapped around the brunette. For several minutes neither of them spoke. Tina had a lot of questions but now that she knew the truth she was happy for the rest of the details to emerge as they talked about it during the weeks and months ahead.
“You didn’t do anything wrong Bette – you have to know that “
“A lot of people said that but Jess blamed me partly I guess for being what she called a attention seeking tart “
Tina frowned “ No offence to her and I am sure she went through a hard time but she was way off the mark to say that to you –  neither of you were to blame. God I hate this lets blame the victim culture  – its like blaming women when they get raped and its fucking wrong and its insane “
“Its society “ Bette said
“Well society is going to have to change – this woman who stalked you is the guilty one”
“At least my girlfriend knows some good lawyers “ Bette said smiling at Tina’s defence of her
“Hell yes – in fact when we get back I want to know Ashley’s surname and all the details you can remember – mom has private detectives at her disposal and I am her daughter”
Tina was getting fired up
“Tina – babe “
Tina turned round uncomfortably “ What ?”
“I don’t want anyone else to know about this – I mean it  – it would upset my parents a lot and I want to spare them from that, Its sweet of you to offer me protection of Emma’s firm but I don’t want anyone to know”
Tina nodded “Sorry – I just get so mad thinking at what you went through – God I wish we had been at the same college – no one would mess with you “
“I wouldn’t have been dating Jessica or anyone else if you and I had been at the same college “
Tina went silent “Is that one of the reasons you are still so mad at Emma ? – because it wouldn’t have happened if you and I had been together ?”
“It didn’t help “ Bette admitted “I spent most of my first year just hating her so much and being more and more unhappy because I thought I had lost the chance of being really happy. There were so many odds against us – what if one of us had been in a great relationship when the 1st of August came around ?  What if one of us had been on holiday ? What if one of us had been made a great offer to do post-graduate work in another country ? There were so many reasons why we might not have got this second chance. That was all I kept thinking”
“Well all of that is true but the fact is Bette that we weren’t in relationships and we both came back to New York and there was no where I wanted to be on the 1st of August other than waiting for you to show up . The fact is that we did show up at the same time and the rest is history. Its up to us what we do with this second chance – if we screw this up its no one’s fault – its down 100% to us “
“I was scared that not telling you would drive you away “
“I was thinking all sorts of things “
“Is it better or worse than you expected ?”
Tina sighed “ I don’t know  – its not what I expected for sure “
“What was the worst ? “ Bette asked smiling now as she gradually started to relax after months of keeping her secret from the woman she was closest to
“That you had slept with guys “ Tina admitted
Bette snorted “How likely is that ?”
“I don’t know – we were apart and you said yourself – we both did stuff that we didn’t expect to. Some postgraduate told me very early on that I would do things that the me of then – the 1st year would not believe that I was capable of”
“And did you ~?”
“Only in terms of hot women and booze and how long I could go without sleep – and the time I climbed the tree in the centre of the quad “
“Lots of undergraduates climb trees  – I climbed trees”
“Naked ? “ Tina asked
Bette started to laugh “You are joking ?”
“I lost a bet and I had to climb the tree in the centre of the quad in just my panties“
“That I wish I had seen “
“Not many people did actually – I was lucky “
“Crazy woman “
“That’s me “ Tina turned and kissed Bette on her lips. Unhappy that she was having to get into such uncomfortable positions to kiss her lover she manoeuvred out of her current position and taking Bette by the hand they relocated themselves to the sofa.
Tina sat down and pulled Bette so that she was lying with her head in Tina’s lap supported by a cushion so Tina could kiss her without any discomfort. Tina took advantage of this new position and lent forward and kissed Bette slowly but passionately for several minutes. She eased away and touched Bette’s face
“I wish had been able to be there for you “ she said
“I think that was as close as I came to contacting you. I always knew that if something went off – something huge I could contact your dad and he would intercede for me”
“I wish you had but I do know why you didn’t “
Bette nodded “I figured that if I could get myself through that then there wasn’t anything else that held terrors for me”
Tina played with Bette’s hair for several minutes
“Is that why you want to be a CI ?”
“Yes and no. it was one of the careers that I had been considered mainly because of talking to someone who was back for a careers fair and he was just fascinating about what the job entailed and how it was a real intellectual challenge. So it was something that was at the back of my mind. And when it all blew up and I saw the system close up then of course I was fired up to find out more. I know its not glamorous like its shown on the television and in movies but that’s why I like it. I can make a difference but I don’t have to be in the limelight. “
“You have always hated being the centre of attraction haven’t you ?” Tina said
“Remember prize giving at school ? I used to wake up with a knot of fear in my stomach when it was that day again.”
“And did the same thing happen at Yale ?”
“Worse “ Bette admitted “  I guess all Ivy League schools are the same. The difference was that I had learnt how to deal with it – my counsellors at Yale were just fantastic”
“How often did you see them ?”
“Once a week – because of what had happened they offered me help as soon as the authorities found out. I have no idea what I would be now if it hadn’t been for the people I spoke to. I had two counsellors and I spoke to them every week “
“How did you feel about not speaking to them any more ?”
Bette sighed “I didn’t want to be one of these people who needs therapy all my life because it can just another crutch – not that I have a problem with anyone who does need years and years of therapy. I had my last session the day after I got my results and they offered me more help if I needed it “
“And you don’t think you did ?”
Bette took Tina’s hand and kissed it “ No – I wanted to get back to New York and consider what my options were”
“Out of interest – what else did you think about doing ?”
“Yale wanted me to stay on and do a Masters degree. I did the whole graduate career thing – I had offers from two big accounting companies and for a while I considered NYU for post graduate work but I wanted to get back to New York – its my home city and I love it”
“I missed every one of those graduate career bashes – well actually that’s a lie – I did go to one and I was so stoned that I don’t think I made the best impression. I was too busy to worry about a job “
“Looks like its paid off for you” Bette said
Tina smiled “I have been insanely lucky and I know it. I am aware that I could be called a spoilt little rich girl – daddies has given me an apartment and all of my parents have chipped in with stuff – even your parents gave me a wonderful microwave. And now dad wants to help me set up my own business – and on top of that I get my favourite sexy lesbian back – I am blessed beyond words – I know that “
“But in this job you will have to work very hard and you know that. “
“Its going to be tough but the more I think about it the more I think that I can do it “
“Lots of learn “
“Yes but I see how you are thriving on what you are doing and I have been frustrated at just kicking my heels in the stores at the police department”
“Well there will be no question of you being bored running your own café – it will be hard work but I know that it is one thing you are not afraid of”
“I want to do something that challenges me. I don’t think working as a lawyer or accountant would suit me. I know I am never going to be as wealthy as my parents but at the moment this means more to me”
“I am sure that you have the personality and brains to have a chain of stores in five years time”
“You never know “ Tina chuckled
“ A government salary is not brilliant but I think I am smart enough to get promoted “
“If I were a criminal  I would switch career because they have no idea how smart you are”
“I am sure some criminals are smart “
Tina kissed Bette again and stroked her face
“Bette “
“Yes sweetie “
“What was Ashley’s end game ? What was she trying to achieve – just to get rid of Jessica – would she have hurt you ?”  Tina asked
Bette squeezed Tina’s hand
“I don’t think there was any doubt that her end game was to get rid of Jess one way or another – she wouldn’t have stopped until she wasn’t one the scene anymore “
“One way or another ?”
“I think that if Jess hadn’t backed off she would have tried to kill her”
“FUCK “ Tina said “I am not surprised this messed you up “
“I was a wreck “ Bette admitted “All I kept thinking was that it was my fault and I was being punished for my vanity “
“ You are the least vain person I know “
“But I was being punished for believing the hype – if you believe all that stuff then this is what happens to you. Its so false and its so transitory “
“But none of what happened was your fault “ Tina said “ She was a crazy person who would have fixated on someone else if she hadn’t fixated on you. God – it must have been insane “
Tina was silent for a few more minutes
“What would she have done after Jessica left the scene one way or the other ?”
Bette rubbed her face – Tina could see she was upset – she hugged her closer.
“Sorry – you don’t have to answer that “
“No  – no – you have a right to know given how long I have kept you in the dark “
“All that matters is that you are okay now – that you survived “
Bette went silent for a while
“The police read all her diaries and I was allowed to read some of the stuff.  They thought that I was the last person that she would have hurt but that could have changed if I had refused to date her “
“Would you have dated her if you hadn’t been involved with someone else ?”
“I don’t think so – she was kind of intense – well that’s an understatement  she was very intense – made me look carefree and devil may care . I know that the last thing I need in a girlfriend is someone who is as intense as me. That would be a really bad combination. You are very carefree and I love that about you – you are such a free spirit – I love that – I love you “
Tina kissed Bette “ I love you more “ she replied smiling and rubbing away the few tears that had started in Bette’s eyes. Tina just held onto Bette – making sure that she knew that whatever fears she had felt over telling her, she had nothing to fear, Tina was appalled at what had happened but she was determined that nothing would stop her loving the brunette and taking care of her. Bette moved herself so she was more comfortable and held Tina’s hand against her breasts
“I think I would have been in a lot of trouble if I had dated her because if I had tried to end the relationship she would have taken it out on me. “
“God Bette –  do you have any idea how she is now doing ?”
“No idea – she has to be checked by a police psychotherapist every six months or so because arguable her parents could keep her in the clinic to keep her out of jail. She was assessed back in July and she is still a danger to herself and to society, she spent about three weeks in custody before her parents managed to get her assessed as unfit to plead. Those three weeks really and truly made things worse. The police assessed her when she was taken into custody and they thought she was fit to stand trial. There was enough evidence to make sure she got a custodial sentence “
“Do you hope that she stays in a clinic or do you want her to stand trial ?”
“I don’t know to be honest. Jessica wants her to be punished which I understand. She was badly beaten and she is still suffering from nightmares”
“Are you still in touch with her ?” Tina asked

“We swap emails every few months. Her mother is even more alpha than yours  – she a Congresswoman – and if Ashley ever gets out of her special home there is no way that she will let the police drop the case “
“And you would have to testify ?”
“Yes “
“What do you think will happen ?”
Bette sighed “I don’t think she will come out of the clinic – well I hope she doesn’t. Jess needs to be able to move on and the court case would re-open a lot of old wounds”
“Is she dating ?”
Bette smiled at Tina’s question – she might be ultra-cool but it would be weird if she wasn’t curious about the woman that Bette had admitted she had been in love with
“Yes – she is – she has been with the same partner for about a year “ Bette was silent for a few minutes “And she knows all about you and she knows that we are together and she is pleased for me. If we ever manage a holiday and we got to the west coast we can look her up if you are curious as to what she looks like”
“I don’t know how I would deal with meeting someone who had been naked with you “
“Its not that big a deal” Bette said “ I have met some of your exes remember  – and yes its odd but there is a nice feeling that you are with me not them “
“I couldn’t be with anyone else and I am not going anywhere. You and I have a great future ahead of us and we aren’t going to let the past mess us up. It was always going to be difficult for us while we talked about what happened and we came to terns with it”
“Its going to take you some time for you to deal with what happened to me”
“it’s a shock  –  I won’t deny that – but I will handle it – compared to what you went through I know that I can cope with what happened “