“We meditate to get to know ourselves. To become intimate with who we really are. Each of us has a longing for what we sense is important. It’s a process of getting subtler and subtler and then simply sinking.”

Bette is in a deep meditative state. Her body is relaxed and her mind is clear. Although there are several other people in the room she’s singularly focused on Julia’s voice and what is going on in her own head. She slowly sinks into a feeling of serenity, stillness; the silence she needs to find her ‘center’ – joy, harmony, peace, fulfillment, power, control – all the things that she needs to reclaim in her life.

”…. knowledge of ourselves … of recognizing on deeper and deeper levels the loving awareness. The presence that is always there no matter what else is going on in your life.”

Bette had never gone so deep inside herself before to where she actually reconnected with her sensitivity and ability to love and care for herself. She seeks to be more emotionally balanced, to be less reactive, to be less cerebral, to be vulnerable but not weak; to be strong but not controlling or judgmental. She wants to bring forth love and gentleness with herself and others. She wants to bring conscious awareness to her strengths and weaknesses. Through meditation the real Bette Porter is emerging. She strives to live her life more fully, more consciously; to be more joyful; to be grateful for whatever each new day brings.

Bette has sort of an epiphany that evening; a sudden realization or enlightenment; whatever you want to call it. The revelation has given her deep insight, meaning, understanding and purpose. She felt that for once she had full comprehension of her situation. She was on the cusp of a full recovery. She was taking her life back into her own hands. She would be Bette’r; better person, better partner, better mother, better friend, better lover, better sister, better communicator, better provider, better contributor.

***

Bette moved around the darkened bedroom using only the dim illumination from the night light to quietly undress and prepare for bed. She was home a bit later than usual because she’d stayed after the group session to talk to Julia. She opened the dresser drawer slowly to avoid any noise as she reached for pajamas. Gone were the days of sleeping in the nude; more’s the pity because she had an amazing body.