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She Said…She Said (2 of 2)
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But the most confusing thing of all are all these feelings about men that I don’t know what to do with. They’re just so fucked up, I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know when they started or how they started. Was it something that just happened, or just a gradual feeling, a progression or a regression?
I remember Alice once talking about wanting a little nice, uncomplicated, boring, boy-girl sex masquerading as love. I know she was being facetious but it made me think – was my life too complicated? Was I just yearning for that simple life I grew up with? I don’t know, but those nagging feelings are there and growing.
Bette thinks it’s hormonal, but I only dated men before I met her. Is it just an itch that needs to be scratched? The more I try to ignore it, the worse it gets. Daddyof2 was just a test, but Josh was a real temptation. Bette told me to explore the situation and frankly I just wanted some gratuitous sex. Maybe that would have been it and I would have realized I am gay once and for all. Or that I am bisexual but my heart belongs 100% to Bette. But I couldn’t even make that work out. What do I want?
This morning I woke up and Bette’s arm was over me. It was so familiar. She drew back and apologized for touching me. I told her I didn’t mind being touched by her. I hoped she would take that as a clue and move closer, pressing her body up next to mine and wrapping her arms around me and holding me tight, making me feel safe and protected. I wanted to feel like she was fighting for me, for us. I wanted that assurance that no matter what challenges we faced, no matter how hard or confusing things got, we were still a team, a family and that somehow our love would see us through all of this mess.
But she didn’t. She got defensive and kicked me out of “her” bedroom. She said I didn’t love her, that I was breaking up the family and that I no longer had the privileges of being her life partner. I was trying to be open and honest with my feelings and she just basically slammed the door on me.
I love her. I really do. But I don’t know if this can be fixed. I know my attraction to men doesn’t mean my love for Bette wasn’t real. I am afraid it might just mean that I’m not in love with her anymore.
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That was great. Fresh voice. Well written. I look forward to much more. It is by chance that I was watching exactly the episodes you were referencing in these two chapters over the last two days. I noticed there were already two chapters posted and was so pleased that you went with both points of view. Tina was given short shrift in season three and I think they both had actions to answer for. Thank you for writing and please do continue to write much, much more! I don’t take time to read much – but I’m pleased to say this story was a unique take on the time frame in question. Okay. I’ll stop now. Peace to you…
Great job. Very introspective for both characters. Keep up the good work!
*JD*… I totally agree with Swimmie on this one. This chapter was a great read. You don’t have to change it from first person. I love how you’re writing it. I can’t wait to read more.
This is like pealing a lime and then eating it. The whole thing 😖 I need something sweet. Thanks for the awesome post.
As I commented before, excellent interpretations of the main characters. Clearly written and their feelings are well expressed. A very good read. Please continue.
I love your writing,great update.PPS
This is very good. I hope there is more to come.
I’m enjoying this story. Interesting and well written. Keep going!
These two need a little role playing. If tinas attracted to men, bette can be her man. Bette needs to turn around, come home, dress in her old levis, a mens shirt, and some old leather boots, then strap it on for tina. She could sneak in the house at night and give tina the uncomplicated, gratuitous ride shes looking for, no emotional attachments, drama, or angst….sometimes someones just gotta back down from the situation. Wish they wouldve went that angle in the show but ultimately tina just wasnt ready to forgive and be thrown back into the tumultuous relationship they had built
thought this masterpiece was surprisingly inspirational. there were a lot of disputes i found myself conflicting with on the show because you could see both points of views. needless to say thats why the show was so popular you read and saw between the lines what you wanted to. Great job and hope you write some more soon.
very interesting…. I love it! More please! :]
Read both your updates on this story. Wonderful. Thank you
I’m glad you’ve given us a look into both characters’ feelings. You’re doing well, please continue. Thanks for posting. :)
Welcome and please post again soon.
Again…….very well written. Season 3 B&T was hard to watch, but easier to read from their perspectives. Please continue.
It’s great that you are writing this story, have read both chapters and enjoyed that you have shown how both were feeling when that was going on. Of course, we never got that on the show and I always wanted to know just how they felt and what they were thinking. Thanks for showing us.
I’d have to agree with swimmy as well. Your writing is well planned out and great to read on these two characters thoughts. Too bad that they didn’t share them with each other.
Well I guess I said everything on Bette’s POV