Sharpen

             Up

                The

                      Knives 5

 All bruised and broken, bleeding
She asked to take my hand
I turned, just keep on walking
But you’d do the same thing in the circumstance
I’m sure you’ll understand

Ch 8

Do I even sleep?

 Can I even dream?

 It would be the first time without the pills. The pills and injections and the tracer controlled everything about me till I stopped it. The pills helped me between assignments, the injections kept me whole when the thought of blood, of death made me twitch at night. The tracer sent me jolts of reality when I would laugh and laugh after a mark was made. Everything in place, everything to gain. Everything was all well and good.

The first few hours not connected to The Agency and I feel lost. I feel like I made a mistake that is going to follow me to the ends of my earth. It was not a bad gig being with The Agency was it? I strayed so far and away from my life that I don’t know anymore. I feel like I am not me. I feel like this is going to end all wrong.

The cabin is deathly quiet. The sounds of the winter blizzard are all I hear beside Carmen. I pretend to not hear Carmen Morales toss and turn in her warm comfy bed. I pretend to not notice how hard my breathing is, how fast my pulse beats. Almost like a dream she speaks to me. Saying what I wanted to hear but didn’t know how to ask.

“Shane…….why don’t you sleep with me. The bed is big enough…….I wont bite.”

Yes but you smell really nice and clean. And your body is to die for. And someone should be ready for when they come. Because they will. I can feel them near by…….I know they lie in wait. They have all the time in the world. And sex and death go hand and hand. Don’t they…..

“Carmen it’s a bad idea. I could fall asleep; they could get in…..”

‘Maybe……..maybe not. You need to sleep don’t you?”