“Shane”.
An unexpected voice shakes the silence of the shed.
A feminine, velvety, concerned, extremely tired, feeble voice.
A voice that I know so well.
It’s just.
I can’t believe it’s really her.
She can’t be here.
I turn towards the entrance sure to see nothing.
I forget about the gun just for a second.
Because Carmen is really there. A big, white patch on the left side of her head, a long black coat, her right arm around Bette’s shoulder to sustain herself, her face so pale but yet so beautiful.
Bette looks serious and extremely uptight, but she knows pretty well how to hide it.
She’s so Alpha.
She’s holding Carmen up, one arm around her waist, the other hand placed on her stomach.
“Shane”, Carmen repeats.
And then slowly shakes her head.
“Please honey… Don’t do that. Don’t do that”.
She’s begging and she’s scared and she’s worried and she’s weak and my heart breaks.
Oh honey I didn’t want you to see me like this.
Are you really here, seeing me in the worst of my conditions?
I blink repeatedly.
“Carmen?”, I ask with an interrogative tone.
“I’m here darling. Just… let go”, she says.
“I don’t know what’s right anymore”, I confess.
“Not this”, she answers, and smiles.
Feebly.
“Just let go”.
I don’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore.
I don’t know if I’m hallucinating. I mean, I hear her voice and now I even see her.
Is it really her?
“I don’t know, Carmen, I don’t really know…”, I mutter, shaking my head.
“This is not what we want for us. I need you by my side”.
A single tear rolls down her cheek and I would like to yell.
Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry.
It’s not your fault what’s happened.
“Let the guys call an ambulance. Everything’s gonna be fine”, she adds.
“Shane, listen to her” Bette says firmly, looking at me like she’s my mother.
“Come here, Shane” Carmen sobs, “Come to me”.
And she tries to open her arms.

You know what.
Who cares.
Who cares about this gun.
All I need is just a few steps away from me.
And I feel like I can’t breathe if I don’t touch her.
I let go of the gun.
Dante grabs it immediately.
I start walking across the rubbish and, a second later, I am into Carmen’s open arms.
And I feel alive.
I feel like I’m waking up from a nightmare.
I start sobbing, I can’t help it.
Carmen rocks me slowly and tells me that she loves me.

TBC

**

Soundtrack:

* “Luna” (Tura Satana)
** “Down With The Sickness” (Disturbed)