While we drive towards Shane and Carmen’s house, I think about all the things I’ve discovered recently. All the bad things that are happening to two of my best friends, and I feel troubled.
The uneasiness I feel is so sticky, it’s like glue enveloping me strongly. It doesn’t let me go.
I wish I didn’t move in another apartment.
I wish I was there when Shane’s crisis started.
I wish I was there helping Carmen when she needed reassurance.
I wish that we, together with this man, could fix this.
Because if there’s something that I know well, it’s the darkness you sink in when you’re desperate, when you feel there is no way out.
That’s the moment when you can’t focus anymore, when you don’t know the difference between right or wrong anymore.
Alice and Tasha told me, and Bette, and Tina, what’s going on. But they have each other. Tasha has Alice. Bette has Tina.
I am alone. I am so absorbed in my movie and my relationship with Nikki is not so profound, yet, to share this kind of things with her.
Knowing myself, I think I would be alone anyway, in this.
Now, what we have to do is find that fucking gun.
We need to find out where Shane is hiding it and take it.
As stressed-out as she is, she surely doesn’t need weapons.

**

Day 50 after the accident – McCutcheon/Morales’ house – h. 9.31 p.m.

When Alice and Tasha introduced their two friends to Shane and Carmen, I had the impression Shane was less than enthralled. She was uncomfortable, and I could feel it.
The emotive connection between Shane and me hasn’t changed after her wedding, and despite the fact we don’t hang out like we used to we still can understand each other with a glimpse.
While Carmen was, as usual, welcoming and warm, smiling cordially both to Cassandra and Dante – is this his name? – Shane held off, swaying slowly, prickly – left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot… – with her hands shoved in the hip pockets of her jeans.
She was smiling, but her eyes were distant, unfocused.
Dante’s, on the other hand, were busy giving special attention to every detail.
I know he noticed the small plaster on Carmen’s head.
I know he noticed Shane’s cold-shoulder.
I know he notices everything and I don’t like that.
I don’t know who this man is, and I don’t like the idea of putting Shane in his hands.