”and I want you now
I want you now
I feel my heart implode
and I’m breaking out
escaping now
feeling my faith erode”**

“Alright Marshall” I finally say, evenly now. “You find where he’s hiding. Then let me know. We will go there together. It’s a promise”.
He sighs.
“Ok Shane. By the way, I think I’m pretty close. I’m sure you’ll hear from me very soon”.
“I’ll be waiting” I say, coldly staring at myself on the mirror.
And I hang up.

**

“Honey, is everything alright?”.
Carmen’s voice suddenly shakes me from my freezing cold.
I turn around and she’s there, her back resting against the closed door.
I smile, surprised.
“Hey… What are you doing in here?”.
“I was worried. It’s been ten minutes since you left”.
I sigh in disbelief.
“Oh, I’m sorry Carm… I’m fine though”.
“Who were you talking to?”.
She saw me. Christ.
“Uhm, it was Jenny. I was telling her that I can’t wait to see her. I think she’ll be visiting us very soon”, I lie.
Carmen smiles, staring at me. Then, she bites her lower lip and a sudden shiver goes down my spine.
I tilt my head.
“What do you have in mind?” I say, shoving my hands in the hip pockets of my jeans.
She moves some steps towards me smiling seductively, her high heels echoing on the floor.
“What’s that look?” I chuckle.
“What are you talking about?” she jokes, placing both her hands on my chest and pushing me into a can.

”Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Feathers on my breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me makes me lighter
Feathers on my breath…”

She slams the door and makes me sit on the closed toilet bowl.
I’m speechless, a dumb smile painted on my face.
She starts unzipping her dress.
“It’s hot in here…” she murmurs.
I raise my eyebrows.
“It’s getting hotter…”.
My hands travel on her legs. The self supporting thigh highs she’s wearing turn me on immediately.
She bends down and whispers in my ear.
“You know, all in all it’s not so bad if my affective and sexual behavior is a bit altered, these days… I feel more instinctive, and I like it…”.
I bite my lips and close my eyes as her fingers unbutton rapidly my shirt.
“Is this really you, Carmen? Do you really want this?” I speak softly, concerned.
“It’s me”, she answers, cupping my face. “It’s me, Shane. It’s just that…”.
“What?”.
“I don’t think I can’t do without you anymore, now that I’ve found you again…”.

”In the night of matter
Black flowers blossom
Feathers on my breath
Black flowers blossom
Feathers on my breath…”

I kiss her.
Deeply, passionately, instinctively, and she kisses me back, and the freezing cold I was feeling inside disappears, and now we’re both made of flesh and skin and mouth and tongue and moans.
She straddles me and lifts her skirt. She grabs my hand and puts it between her legs.
“Please, fuck me”, she says in my ear. And despite her words, her tone is sweet. Sweet, and wet, and urgent.
I go deep into her body and she arches her back, her long curly hair stroking the arm I’m using to keep her in place.
“I love you”, she breathes as I move hard inside of her. Her nails scratch my neck, her fingers grab my hair, her lips kiss me, kiss me, kiss me until I don’t remember who John James Sanders is anymore.

”Water is my eye
Most faithful my love
Feathers on my breath
Teardrop on the fire of a confession
Feathers on my breath
Most faithful my love
Feathers on my breath…”

“I’m so in love with you”, I say, as I feel her hand find its way inside my underwear.
And when she touches me so deep that I could break in pieces, I gasp, moving harder into her.
Carmen bends her head and bites my shoulder. I wince in pain but I don’t stop.
“Don’t leave me, Shane…” she begs, her mouth against my forehead now, her breath gasping and panting as she dances over my fingers.
“Don’t let me drift again…”.
I hug her stronger.
“Oh God, no… No, no, no…” I answer with a croaky voice, and an ocean of feelings overruns me all in once. Love, fear, compassion, passion, arousal, pain, and love.
Love.
And love.
And I don’t know it’s her, or me, or both of us.
“I’m coming…” she murmurs, the tip of her tongue in my ear, her hand in my panties, mine in her body.
And while she shakes against me, an orgasm a thousand years wide blows me away.

”Teardrop on the fire
Feathers on my breath”***

TBC

**

Notes:
* “With A Little Help From My Friends” (The Beatles)
** “Hysteria” (Muse)
** “Teardrop” (Massive Attack feat. Liz Fraser)