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After I was ‘allowed’ to see Dana again I know myself that I went overboard. I just wanted to know what she was thinking at all times, if she was going to give up on us, if she was falling in love again with Lara, if she really was at her training sessions. I began texting her frequently, it didn’t seem too crazy to send a text every few hours but it grew furiously over the next few days after our meeting at the canyon. I then called her before work and after work making stupid excuses just to see her, anything to make sure she was still mine. I almost wanted her under 24-hour surveillance and wished we lived together. I was slowly losing all grips on her and myself and didn’t know how to cease this damaging behaviour.  Shane came over to mine to try and carefully warn me to back off slightly. She told me that by doing this I was causing more harm than good and had to give Dana some breathing space. I asked her if Dana had told her to come and she sat uncomfortably. Why couldn’t Dana just tell me herself? Probably because I was becoming unbearable to be around, even I knew that.

Dana had gone out with Lara the night before she broke up with me. I still don’t know exactly what happened between the two of them or if anything in fact did happen at all.  I guess that’s a question I’m not sure I really want the answer to, I mean our relationship was started on a bed of lies; Dana was engaged for fuck’s sake and maybe this was my karma. She was hardly experienced with commitment if I’m truly honest, I don’t know why I expected to be different for her back then. She fled from Lara, she fled from Tonya and she fled from me, when things get too complicated that’s what Dana does, she runs away. It’s something in her personality that I tried to cease by helping her come out, however, this fear remained.