Later that night…

I sat at my computer staring at the blinking cursor. I wanted to write something that would capture her attention. Not a sappy love note. That wasnt me. I wanted to write something that would mend our relationship…something that would as least have her talking to me again. We could be friends. I wasnt asking for total forgiveness. Okay maybe I was… but I wanted to be her friend. I missed her.

Dear Lindsey,

I couldnt start it that way. I needed something more… I dont know just something more.

Before you crumble this up, please read this. I wanted to say that Im sorry for ending us the way I did. I never wanted to end us. My mother thought that I was spending too much time with you. And before you say anything, Im not blaming my mother for breaking your heart. I didnt have to do what she told me to… I broke us up on my own. But in the back of my mind I knew she was right. I was losing myself in you. As you were with me. I stopped hanging out with my friends and just down right dissed them whenever I saw them in school. And thats not me. I never wanted to hurt their feelings or yours. Can you forgive me for doing what others wanted me to? I know you probably never want to speak to me again but please… can we at least be friends?

I printed out the letter, satisfied with its content and folded the paper, putting it in my notebook for delivery the next day.

I turned off the computer and lights, lying down on the bed preparing the shut my eyes. A knock on the door stopped me from entering dreamland.

*****

“Evan, you still awake?”

My mothers voice floated through the darkness. I thought about not answering hoping that she would leave. But knew better than that. She wouldnt.

“Yeah,” I mumbled.

She slid her body through the narrow crack.

“Can I come in?”

“Youre already halfway in, might as well come completely in,” I muttered.

She came in and closed the door.

“I…uh…”

I turned my back as she searched for the words I didnt want to hear. I settled into the mattress.

“Evan, Im sorry for what I said earlier. I was wrong for bringing up her name. I never meant to hurt you. Please know that.”

“Whatever,” I sighed.

She spoke her peace while I harbored mine.

“Okay, then… Goodnight.”

I didnt bid her the same. I waited until I heard the click of the closed door before laying on my back.

Why did she always do this to me… make me feel like ***** for not forgiving her right away.

*****