Fan Fiction
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Palm Spring Break Chapter 2
The brilliant mid-day sun beat down on the group of women as they sat on the patio by the pool of their hotel, watching the sights.
"Are you part of this conversation, Shane?" Tina tapped Shane’s calf with her foot as she made the inquiry. Shane didn’t know what direction to turn to – everywhere she looked, women in various states of undress were enjoying the freedom that this weekend in Palm Springs represented. For many of them, the Dinah Shore weekend was an escape not only from the mediocrity of their everyday lives, but also from the restrictions that invariably accompanied that mediocrity.
"Sorry Tina, did you ask me something," Shane responded without making eye contact with anyone at the table.
"God Shane, you are the personification of the phrase, ‘like a kid in a candy store,’" Tina was laughing at Shane, but couldn’t help noticing some of the women passing by as she glanced around, albeit in a more surreptitious fashion than Shane felt necessary.
Bette was taking in this display and couldn’t help but comment on Tina’s wandering gaze.
"T, I’m sitting right here, do ya think you could be a bit more subtle?"
"Ah settle down Bette, it’s okay if you look at the menu, as long as you don’t eat out," Alice waved off Bette’s feigned concern.
Tina met Bette’s eyes with hers. "You know you’ve got nothing to worry about, babe," she said as she brought Bette’s palm to her mouth and kissed it, maintaining her grasp after she lowered it to her lap. Bette turned her palm to rest on Tina’s knee and casually started moving it up her thigh until she felt the sting of a light but brisk slap.
"Behave," Tina warned Bette quietly and then leaned closer so only she could hear. "I think I’m pretty lucky that after eight years together, I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than ***** you. Just not here."
Bette’s closed her eyes as Tina whispered this statement in her ear. It took everything to keep from audibly moaning. She could feel Tina’s hot breath on the side of her face and felt her take her earlobe lightly between her teeth and ending the gentle nibble with a kiss before backing away.
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(27 votes, average: 4.37 out of 5)
I think you copped out at the last.
This is very, very good in its immediacy and impact.
I rarely give a directive, but I think you should go back and extrapolate – go further with the details. Don’t be afraid!
Here’s a ‘5’ even if you should decide not to. But you could make a good chapter even better.
Thanks.
that was a great love scene…i can’t wait to see where you take this story next.
Have to agree with Techgal here – bit of a cop out. Why? You might not have written a love scene before but this was very good. Go for a re-write! I know what you mean about villans. You have to have the lows to get the highs.
This is excellent. Sweet and hot. Love it.
Loved it. You did a great job. thank you.
Quite nice, but I’m glad it appears that you were goaded into a greater detail version…off to there next.
What a beautiful love scene, that’s so hot and awesome. Love it, post soon. Thanks!