One and Only

Chapter 68

When Bette got home the apartment was quiet – she looked into the living room and there was no sign of her mother. That was odd but she didn’t question it – she would go and read for a while and maybe think about a trip to the gym. She wanted to just spend some time alone to think about Tina and what a brilliant weekend they had shared. More important was how soon they could engineer things so they could be together again – Bette wanted that so much and she knew that Tina felt the same.
Deciding she wanted something to eat she went into the kitchen and was making herself a sandwich when the front door opened and shut. She got on with slicing some red onion very thinly and was just considering what else to pile onto the bread when her father came in.
“Hello “ she said smiling at him
“Hello Bette – nice to see you – I was beginning to forget what you looked like”
“I believe that is hyperbole Mr Porter “ Bette smiled
“Maybe “
“Where’s mom ?” she asked
“Still at Tom and Pam’s place – they have a new grandson “
“Ugh “ Bette said “Baby talk ?”
“Yes “ he said dryly
“Horrible and it was boring right ?”
“Maybe “ he smiled
“Did they make you hold it ?”
“Luckily no – I am famed not to be very good with babies “
“You could teach me how you managed that because Pam will want me to hold it if I see her”
“You don’t like babies ?” he asked
“Noise from one end and mess from the other. Are you leaping to the assumption that because I am female I also am maternal ?”
Melvin held his hand up “I plead guilty “
“Don’t do it again – would you like a sandwich ?”
He looked at the sandwich on the chopping board
“Is that a Bette special ?”
“A Scooby snack “ Bette confirmed
“Okay “
Bette put the other slice onto the filling – cut it neatly, put the sandwich on a plate and handed it to him.
“Thank you – I think I will have a beer with that – would you like a beer ?”
“Will you tell mom ?”
“No “
“Okay then”
Melvin took two bottles of beer and collected the pickles and mustard and sat down at the pine kitchen table. He looked at his daughter – God she had change beyond all recognition since Easter. She seemed to be taller – or she was carrying herself with more confidence – so she LOOKED taller. She was more talkative and she was never home. All down to one Tina Kennard. The daughter of a woman he had spent a lot of year resenting with a passion. Well life certainly played tricks on you when you least expected it.
Bette was piling chicken up along with cucumber, red onion and thin slices of red pepper. Finally when she was happy with it she put it on a plate and joined her father.
“Did you have a nice weekend ?”
“I did – we watched movies and played tennis and I cooked a lot. Her dad has a great house “
“I bet its not a cheap apartment in Hells Kitchen “
“No its not – I thought you liked him “
“I do – and I know his partner – two nice men”
Bette looked at him as he spread mustard on one of the slices of bread. She really wished she could find the words or the nerve to just tell him – how hard could it be ? What was the worst thing that could happen ? She hated him not knowing – she hated the lies and the deceit. She had to find a way of bringing this topic up. She thought of several different openings and rejected each other. Her father handed her a beer and she nodded her gratitude at him.
“We don’t tell her that we drink beer out of bottles “ he reminded her
Bette nodded “I know the code “
She took a bite of her sandwich and looked at him. Why had she ever thought it was a good idea to keep it from him ? What the hell had she been thinking ? By not telling him at the same time as she had told her mother she had made it harder to actually tell him. They sat in silence eating for several minutes – Bette was searching for the words.
“It would mean a lot to mom if you would make your peace with Emma and Kate”
“And would it mean a lot to you if we made our peace ?”
“Yes – of course  – I know how well they get on and it would be nice if the four of you could all be friends “
“I am not sure that Emma and I could ever been best friends – regardless of how close you all get “
Bette looked at him and saw something in his face that she couldn’t read. She tried again
“It was a long time ago “
“It was “
“I don’t think you are the sort who hold a grudge – in fact I know you – the only person you really resent is granddad and that’s for so many really complicated reasons. There is no way that you and Emma had the feud you had with my grandfather “
He looked at her
“Why does it mean so much to you ? No one is stopping you and Tina being friends”
Bette’s heart did a somersault – there had been an emphasis on the word “ friends” that made her almost certain that he knew that his daughter and Tina were a hell of a lot more than friends. Was he daring her to say something ? She picked up her bottle of beer and took a long drink – she was thirsty and this situation was drying her throat even more. What her father hated more than anything else was to confront anyone with a fact and have them deny it. That was worse in his eyes than whatever the original offence was. This was a test – this was a huge test. But then again he could be just fishing – seeing if there was anymore to the relationship than she had admitted.
Bette had to make a decision – make a call on which was the truth  – either he didn’t know and she was being paranoid or he didn’t know and was fishing for facts or he knew and he was baiting her to see if she would admit her feelings towards Tina.
“It means a lot to me because of how much I care for Tina”
Well that could be taken any number of ways – she could be like him in how she pick her words. He took another bite of his sandwich and sipped his beer. This was his move now – what did he say – did he tell Bette that he knew she was gay and that she was dating Tina Kennard or did he leave it like he had left things for several weeks.
“I like Tina “ he said “She’s a very nice girl – a real credit to her parents “
“Its not been easy for her – she’s got no interest in Law and she’s got 4 parents who are lawyers. I know she feels the pressure to follow her mothers to Harvard . You and mom have never put me under that sort of pressure “
“I would love you to be a lawyer but its hard – it’s a vocation. If your heart is not in it – then don’t do it because you will make yourself miserable. Tina should do what she wants  – just like you. You are certain intelligent enough to be a lawyer – I hated studying but I loved the law”
“Can I ask  you something ?”
“Of course “
“What is it about Emma that you still cannot bring yourself to face. You don’t like a lot of mom’s friends – you have told me that but you once told me that one of the things about being married is that you put up with people for your partner. So why can you not tolerate Emma. It has to be her – there is no way on this earth that its Kate – no one could dislike Kate”
He smiled “Kate was lovely – so easy going. I liked Kate a lot “
“So why can you not put up with Emma ?”
“You could ask why Emma doesn’t like me “
“She says you are a very good lawyer “
“She’s a bad loser – then again – so am I “ he smiled “ I guess we were very similar. The two of us were battling for top of the class. We were always pitted against one another in debates and it usually spilt over into after classes and we would argue for hours on end”
“You have friends like that – you love arguing with Patrick. The two of you have argued all night over brandy and cigars and you just slug it out like two old heavy weight boxers until neither of you can stand up. Then you laugh and go for breakfast and its all friends again – why could you not do that with Emma ?“
“She doesn’t smoke cigars “ he joked
She gave him a look that reminded him yet again that she was turning into her mother’s daughter in so many ways.
“I guess it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world”
“You would do anything to make mom happy and this would make her happy”
He looked at her and put his beer bottle down
“And you ? Would it make you happy to make friends with Tina’s moms ?”
Bette could almost feel it in the air that he knew. This wasn’t her being paranoid due to a lack of sleep and too much sex – he knew and he knew it was dawning on her that he knew. What had happened to her grand plans when she had been lying in bed with Tina ? She had been telling herself that she was sick of the lies and the deception and she had to tell him – well she was not going to get a better chance than this moment.
“It would mean everything to me because I love Tina – she’s my girlfriend which yes makes us both lesbians. I am sorry that I didn’t tell you. I feel like shit that I haven’t told you and I wish that I had.  I am not ashamed of being gay  – I am proud of who I am and that means I am proud of being gay. I love Tina  – she’s just amazing. I didn’t tell you not because of being gay but because of Tina being a Kennard”
Melvin had been trying to draw Bette into telling him the truth – he had worked it out weeks ago and now here was the confirmation.
“I don’t care that you are gay, I don’t care that she’s a Kennard – what I care about – and what hurts me to the core. What hurts me is that you and Rosemary have lied to me for weeks about it – you must both have a terrible opinion of me if you think I would hate you for something that is just fundamental about you. That hurts Bette”
Bette really was speechless- her father never admitted to being hurt – and he looked hurt. She took his words in – he didn’t care that she was gay – HE CARED THAT SHE HAD LIED.
“Shit “ Bette said “Dad I am so sorry “
“Its not really your fault darling. This is down to your mother “
Oh hell – this was even worse than anything Bette could have imagined
“Dad – please its not her fault. Its not – I asked her not to tell you “
“And did you ask her not to tell me because Tina’s surname or because of Tina’s sex  or because of what happened over twenty years ago between the four of us ?”
Bette was silent –  it had been more of the latter of course.
“I didn’t know how you would take me being gay “ she sounded pathetic and she knew it. He picked his beer up again and took a drink – somehow he needed a brandy but this beer would have to do for now. Especially as when Rosemary got home they would be having a very serious conversation.
“Its not what I would want for you but that’s because I know how hard it is to be different. You are biracial, you are highly intelligent and you don’t mix as well as other kids of your age – being a lesbian is something that worries me. But having said that — you are who you are Bette and nothing on this planet or this entire vast universe would stop me loving you even for a split second. If you are gay and you are comfortable with  it then so be it. I will welcome Tina as part of the family – like I would imagine you have been made welcome by Kate and Emma”
“God I have messed this up. Dad I am so sorry that I didn’t tell you “
“Nothing that happened 20 years ago should stop you and Tina being happy”
“I have hurt you “
He nodded “ Kids hurt their parents all the time. But yes – it has hurt me that you thought so low of me that you couldn’t tell me. Its been hard to see you coming home at night so high because you have been with Tina and you have had to hide your feelings from me. That saddens me Bette”
Bette pushed her sandwich away and covered her face. For several minutes she tried and failed to compose herself. He took her hand finally and held it
“Please don’t cry Bette. You have a lot going on – you are 17 and you have one hell of a lot on your plate. I know its hard and you aren’t old enough to have all the answers”
“I never meant “ Bette began
“I know you didn’t. I know you didn’t keep it from me out of spite – you don’t have a spiteful bone in your body Bette. Tina is a lucky girl “
“I love her dad. She’s so pretty and she’s sweet and kind “
“She does remind me of Kate “
“Dad  – I just thought “
He squeezed her hand “Its alright – no one expects you to get everything right all the time. I know you did it for the right reasons. This is between 4 very ancient Harvard alumni – not you and Tina.”
Bette felt like a piece of shit ground into a shoe – how the hell had she misjudged the situation so disastrously ? How had she fucked up ? Knowing that she had hurt him really had been a knife through her heart.
As they were sitting in their own reflection the front door opened and closed again. Bette looked at her father. He let go of her hand and picked up his beer bottle. After a few minutes her mother came in
“Hello there – hello Bette  – did you have a nice time with Tina. Beer ? The two of you are drinking beer from bottles ? You know how much I hate that – stop that at once Melvin”
“I don’t think I will “ he replied.
Bette closed her eyes – this was going to be bad. When he disobeyed Rosemary like this and with what had happened -this was going to end in a row.
“What ! “
“My daughter and I have been catching up  – I gather you already know that she and Tina are lovers ?”
“Bette – please leave us alone “ Rosemary ordered. Bette was going to stay and argue but she looked at her father who nodded – this was between her parents – not her.