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No Me Ames; #18
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I placed my hand on her face, the fear rising up in my system, “Baby?” I called out again.
I jumped back slightly, not wanting to confirm what I already felt. I slowly moved my fingers up to her nose and pulled away when I realized that she wasn’t breathing.
I shook my head, “No…Bette…Bette…” I cried out, pulling her lifeless body towards me, burying my face in her t-shirt which was still laced with the smell of her skin, “No, no, this is just a dream…this is just a dream…Bette!!!” I rocked her body, desperately praying that she would just open her eyes and look at me one last time.
I held her close to my as I started sobbing uncontrollably, wailing as I screamed out, “Bette…no…no…not now…Bette…”
But I knew that it was too late.
She had gone and left me behind.
***
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…”
October twenty-sixth. The day after Becky’s birthday, the day Bette passed away.
There was a stillness that seemed to have taken over my house, an emptiness that loomed like a grey storm cloud. This loneliness and loss I felt caused an ache so deeply scarring my soul, I wanted to simply disappear.
Black; everything had turned to black.
How would I explain death to my little girl? How could I possibly tell her that the woman, whose mannerisms she mimicked, was now gone?
I had no more tears left to cry; my eyes were swollen, my nose was raw, my cheeks were red. The smell of fresh flowers was intoxicating, suffocating; I held back every urge I felt to scream. Alice sat beside me, gently squeezing my hand for encouragement. Tina was beside her, looking on, offering her support in silence.
I turned my head and was surprised to see how crowded the gravesite had become in less than an hour; these were the people whose lives were touched by Bette. There were so many of them; students, faculty from California University, artists, critics, colleagues, childhood acquaintances, relatives, friends and family.
“Wow, this place is filling up quick,” Alice whispered, noticing that I was looking around.
I fingered my wedding band, feeling the slight scratches from years of wear and tear. I took a breath, finding the courage to look up again at the white coffin which stood in front of me; I still couldn’t bring myself to constantly look at her face. A large bouquet of daffodils lay atop the half-open casket; Bette’s eyes were closed, as if only sleeping. It was so easy to imagine that she might just wake up any moment and hold me close to her again.
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Refresh… LOL… for old times sake… time to go and read… Love and hugs cuzzie… love and hugs… always and forever, JC
Was missing your writing, dear euni…that’s all I can say right now. Hope you understand. Thank you.
OMG Euni, I have tears streaming down my face…this chapter was definitely a three hankie one. Thank goodness Tina was able to help Helena start the process of grieving for Bette. Tasha may be able to really understand Helena’s pain. I hope Helena is able to heal. I can’t wait to see where you take the story from here…
“Mummy not coming home anymore, but I’m here, you still have me here. And I’ll take care of you Mama. This just broke my heart. And then you put the icing on the cake so to speak with “The tears trickled down my cheek as my fingers dug into the dirt. Now I find myself crying like a baby. You’ve did an excellent job kiddo. If your skills in writing this story is any indication of what you may accomplish in life. Then school should be no problem for you. I can see you going to the moon and back!
Time heals a lot of wounds,The fact you lost your soul Mate leaves a hollowness that will always remain empty, The touch,,the smells, they will always remain. Sometimes when the door is open at a certain time. You look up wanting to see the smiling face and its a friend. In your bed its cold and empty,yet you get up every morning and go about your daily life. thank God for children and family and friends. thanks
it still hurts. could not stop crying, my heart is broken. How hard it is to lose who you love and loves you back? It will get better but you will always remember and miss her Helena.
You know E, your gonna have to make me stop crying cause I don’t like to cry, but your chapters are very very good ;)
Amazing chapter. It reminded me a little the movie Practical Magic (I love this movie). It was beatiful! Thanks
well done, the way you capturedbthe emotion was amazing!! I think I am still in shock…but glad that H is getting back in motion…geez…I am still sad…can you write in a long lost twin sister for B to bring her back or will she have a guest appearance like Dana did as a guiding light…anyway, yet again WELL DONE!!!
I know from my own experience how elena feels right now. when you have to burry someone so dear to you, someone whom you loved so much, who was your soulmate it feels as if they burry a part of you as well.
I caught up on this story last night and had to come back in and comment. Great story, hard to read, but impossible to put down. I don’t come to tears very often, but this one did it, pulls at the heartstrings.
Its weird with Bette gone but…I just hope Hels dont die of a broken heart and shes there for many more years with Rebekah. And now she has Tasha to talk to someone to actually relate to, things many get easier through time.