~~~~~

     "In a long-term relationship, a person can behave badly and not be aware of it unless their significant other educates them. Are you able to look back now and still truly believe that you weren’t cognizant of what was going on?"

     Tina answered haltingly. "No. Yes. Maybe – maybe I always knew. Living with her all that time … I didn’t want to face the fact that she could end up following the same pattern as her father."

     "Is that why you didn’t want to get married?"

     "I didn’t want to be stifled, become a housewife." She laughed bitterly. "And I did anyway."

     "So going through the insemination without telling Bette – even though you knew things weren’t going well – how is that her fault?"

~~~~~

    Sitting in their bedroom waiting for Bette to come back, Tina methodically ran the events of the past few months in her mind. She thought about the missed moments, the distance and unease that had become more and more prevalent in their everyday lives; then going back further, the years of rationalizing her behavior, making excuses for her selfishness … Infidelity was the last thing she associated with Bette: about what else was she wrong? When I found Bette huddled in the shower, I should’ve known.

     Tina slowly became aware of the light from the pool as it played throughout the room. It reflected off the bureau that they had picked out together, the jewelry box that she had bought for Bette in Morocco, until finally her eyes blurred and she couldn’t see anymore. Visions of their existence together … gone. How long had it been since she stopped seeing? Tina felt her life slipping away … then she put a hand to her stomach, remembering the insemination she had done just a few days ago. I did this for her, for us. And she threw it away for nobody – a fucking stranger.

     A memory stirred within and Tina recalled the aftermath of the Fay Buckley encounter: why did it take a stranger to break down her defenses? Why did it take someone she didn’t even know to make her face her true feelings? She remembered driving the car home with Bette – who had nearly collapsed from crying for so long – and finding Kit, Marina, Shane, Dana and Alice waiting on the porch. They quietly helped Bette into the house, put her to bed and left. Tina flinched with sudden resentment – her sister, her friends. Who would be there for her? For the baby?

     Distantly, Tina heard the front door open and close, then quiet footsteps as Bette came into their bedroom and headed for the closet. And just like so many other nights, she didn’t even see her …

~~~~~