Living In Entropy (Chaos) – L.I.E. – 02.18 – Hollow Life


            Bette stepped onto the plane not really knowing why she was heading back to New York with Crystal tonight. She’d told her she was going, and she’d obeyed but that was so unlike her, wasn’t it? Bette had found herself questioning her thoughts and her actions all night.

            A little voice kept talking to Bette in her head, the voice was very much like her own, but different. Ever since Alex, (Crystal had called her Andria, why?) had spoken to Crystal, she’d been upset and had ordered Bette to be quiet. Bette fought the fog in her mind, as Crystal ordered them some tea and Bette shook her head. She didn’t want anything, she wanted to go home, (to Tina) and to curl up into a warm ball in her own bed. To listen to some silky voiced music, (Joss Stone). She wanted all those things, but. (You need to be punished for all the wrongs you’ve done. Letting down your father, making your sister feel inferior every chance you got. Cheating on Tina. Belittling everyone with her 50-dollar words and pretending to be morally superior.)

            “No, I don’t want anything to drink who is Alex to you? Why did you call her…” Bette began, but her train of thought was cut off by that little voice, (Get out Bette, go.)

            “Her name is Andria at least it was to me when she was mine.” Crystal said in a steady voice, the steward bringing the tea. Crystal set it down in front of her, Bette pushed it away, and Crystal gave her a steely glare, but Bette ignored it. She felt better suddenly; she grabbed hold of her thoughts and said.

            “She was yours? As in lover?” Crystal looked at Bette, dropping the tea bag into Bette‘s hot water and pointed at the beverage, and said in a cold voice. Bette took the tea without thinking, and took a sip; Crystal‘s cold as ice blue eyes dug into her.

            “Yes.”

*****

            “OK! Stop, Alex!” Alice begged and Alex finally did she was shaking from head to toe. She’d been walking for about an hour now. Alice was following her with the Mini, horns kept honking at her, but she could have cared less. Alex was in a daze, and in this condition, she might get hurt.

            Her hand was bleeding and Alice led her to her car and pushed her in, locking the door and slamming it shut. She was going to get to the bottom of this, what the hell was up tonight? Was it full moon? She ran around the Mini and drove Alex to her apartment. They rode the elevator up to Alice‘s apartment in silence, Alex‘s eyes glazed over as she was off in her own world. She was working it in her head, putting all the little pieces together, and the pieces were frightening.


            “Come on in.” Alice said and Alex did, sitting on the chair in the living room. Alice went and got a fresh dishtowel and she unwrapped Alex‘s hand, wincing as she saw the shard of glass still stuck there. Alex looked down, and she felt the pain, how good that felt. Sweet pain, mixed with harsh reality. She reached down and plucked it from her hand, and the blood gushed forward again, and Alice wrapped it up, not looking up at Pez.

            “You’ll need stitches.” Alice said, very quietly. Pez merely nodded, and then Alice walked over to her computer and booted it up. Alex blinked, what was Alice doing.

            “You slept with Crystal DeMarcus? When you were in the Big Apple right? Ok, look I did find ONE thing that made me think twice while I was looking for your killer.” Alice said, pulling up her famous chart, Alex got up off the chair feeling light headed for a moment. She pointed to Bette‘s name, and then to the line that connected her with Crystal. Crystal DeMarcus was on a website; Alex thought it would amuse her to be connected to the masses this way.

            “What does…?” Alex began, not seeing the connection.

            “Hold on a second miss fucking detective. Ok, here are your victims.” Alice had taken all the other names off, and they were all connected, the hub of that was.

            “Crystal.” Alex swallowed she stumbled backwards, the wind blown out of her as she grabbed a chair, sitting down hard. The smell the fucking scent, she knew what it was.

            “Yeah, but I didn’t see the fucking connections until you said who she was. I didn’t have all the women’s names on here, but there are like twenty other web sites just like this one, so I hacked them….” Alice began and Pez cut her off quickly.

            “That is illegal you know.” Alex said, and Alice gave her a cold glare.

            “Yeah well, fuck it. Look, I haven’t like the way Bette‘s been acting lately either. Once I downloaded all the other names, I found this earlier. I was going to tell you, but you went off sniffing.”

            ” THE SMELL!” Alex said shooting out of the chair, sending it teetering backwards. Alice stepped back, and Alex rubbed her face, the final piece was right there, it was beckoning to her.

            “Oh god, oh fuck me. It’s Xuvia! She WANTED to be caught, fucking shit!” Alex yelled, starting to pace back and forth, blood still pooling in the cloth, having soaked through now. Alice was worried about her detective friend.

            “The who now?” Alice asked, pulling up ‘Google’ and typing in Xuvia. She instantly found it her eyebrows shooting up, it was a perfume.

            “I bought it for her, cost me a mint… Fuck! Alice call Bette, right now tell her to run, get the fuck away from Crystal, make something up, do it! I don’t care how but do it!”

*****

            Shane lay in her bed, Evanescence blared in the headphones of her walkman, she felt like crying, but she didn’t. Why did she have these fucking things, why?

            Emotions, they just fucked everything up, they got in the way. They hurt! Damn she hurt right now, she’d always messed up her chances at love, why stop now? They just drove her to the brink of madness. She didn’t see the door creeping open, and Carmen sat on the bed, Shane sat up quickly. Thinking for a moment that she was dreaming but she wasn’t. Carmen regarded her, and Shane yanked the headphones off and simply stared at her. What could she say? ‘Carmen, I messed up. Give me a chance to show you I can be the woman you want me to be?’ No, that would sound trite and very much unlike her.

            “Why didn’t you give us a chance? Why did you go all cold on me Shane? What did you have to lose?” Shane swallowed, she grit her teeth, and grabbed Carmen, pushing her tongue into the beauties mouth, and Carmen responded in kind, kissing Shane hard. A soft moan from the dark haired woman, as Shane kissed her emotions taking over. Fear, love, lust, and panic. Then she pulled away, and Shane couldn’t breath.

            “Is that all you want?” Carmen asked in a thick voice putting Shane‘s hand on her flat stomach, and Shane‘s eyes lit up as she did. Human contact, the one thing she lived for. Sex without attachment, yeah right no emotions, what dyke did she know that could do that? None, even she was lying about that.

            “Does it matter?” Was Shane‘s smokey response Carmen stopped, meeting her eyes. Come on Shane, the little voice in her head was yelling, tell her. Tell her how you feel you fucking chicken!

            “Yeah, it does.” Carmen got up from the bed and walked out closing the door and Shane lay back down. Why did they always want more? Since when was she a part of the ‘they’ group?

            She stood up grabbing her green duffle bag and throwing her clothes into it. She hoisted the bag over her shoulder, and walked out the door quietly, hearing Jenny and Carmen talking in Jenny‘s bedroom. Talking, something that Shane wasn’t good at, it led to more emotions. She sighed Shane’s hand went out to the wooden door, her fingertips trailing over the grains of wood, longing for what was behind that door. She pressed her palm flat on the door, and then her fist slowly balled up and she hung her head and walked out of the house.

*****

            Tina sat down at the edge of the pool she was still in her dress from earlier that evening, and the night was slowly turning into dawn. She was mourning for her baby, for her broken and tattered relationship with Bette. She sipped on a cold soda and munched on cheese curls. She was waiting for Bette to come home they needed to talk, desperately.


            All evening, she’d watched as Bette walked around with Crystal on her arm, or visa versa. It had been harrowing to watch the scene unfold then something with Alex had happened. Alice had chased after Alex, and Crystal had whisked Bette away before she’d had a chance to go after her. Tina had spoken to Jo, and Jo hadn’t been around when Alex had shattered a glass with her bare hand. What was going on, and what was the connection between Alex and Crystal?

*****

            Dana climbed the steps of her apartment and as she pushed the key into the lock, the door swung open and she came face to face with Tonya. Tonya blinked and put a bag down at the door, and turned back around, not saying a word to Dana.

            “Oh.” Dana blurted out as she clutched her handbag, ready for a fight.

            “I’m not here to cause any shit. I just came to get the rest of my stuff.” Tonya said softly and she went back towards the bedroom and finished throwing her things in her suitcase.

            “Tonya?” Dana asked, with reproach and Tonya turned she’d sworn that she wasn’t going to cry. She wasn’t going to let Dana see that she’d broken her heart into more pieces than she’d ever be able to pick up.

            “Yes.” Tonya said, swallowing back the tears and standing tall, not letting it get her down.

            “I… I… I’m sorry, I never meant…” Dana started she shuffled her feet as she shoved her hands into nonexistent pockets. She didn’t know what to do with her hands, so she crossed them, then thought that looked harsh. She always hurt the people she cared for, didn’t she? She hurt Lara, and now she’d hurt Tonya.

            “Dana, you literally left me at the alter no amount of ‘I’m sorry’s’ can cover that. Or make it any fucking better.” Tonya said simply she lifted the suitcase up, and Dana went over and put it down. There, she’d said it. She hadn’t been mean, she’d just be truthful.

            “I know. I don’t know how to make it up to you. I, we rushed into this whole engagement thing then it took on a life of its own. I hardly know you, and I was going to marry you. Not that what I know about you is so wrong or awful, but…”

            “You’re sleeping with Alice, Kit told me. That’s why I stayed away from the Earthlings filming. I arranged that for you, and I wanted you to have that, you’ll need the good press now that this has happened. She told me that morning, I didn’t want to ruin your moment. I have more consideration, and love for you, than that. I’m going to go now before this develops into something more dramatic than I want it too.” Tonya said, picking up the suitcase and pushing passed Dana gently, and Dana stood in her bedroom, suddenly feeling like a total bitch for what she’d done to Tonya.

*****

            Alex dialed a number on her cell phone she was animated like Alice had never seen her before. She spoke quickly into the phone, her voice commanding. Alice watched as she tried to get in touch with Bette, but her cell was forwarding to her voice box on the second ring. She sighed and hung up finally, defeated.

            “Yeah Xuvia, it’s a perfume, take that chemical away from the one you have, I think it might have been blended with something, I think it’s a clue. Yeah Buzz, call me on my cell, I’ll be mobile. But call me or call field agent Wheaton, I’ll be with her. Dude I owe you one, no not a date, one favor, I know it’s a difficult oh just do it please?” Alex then dialed another number, asking Alice if she had a pair of jeans she could borrow and Alice nodded, moving to the bedroom and grabbing a pair of jeans for Alex.

            “Hey it’s Alex?  Jo Wheaton‘s line” Alex nodded waiting for the exchange to send her to Jo‘s number. The FBI field office was patching her through to her home phone, or her hotel, which ever.  “Yeah?” Alex said, meeting Alice eyes, and she could see how worried Alice was, but right now, she didn’t have the time to soothe her worries.

            “Is Bette safe? I mean, she didn’t answer her phone, and she’s not at home.” Alice began, but she stopped herself, tears about to come spilling forth.

            “She will be, I swear to you Al I’ll make sure of it.” Alex Pezinni promised, she was intent on keeping that promise, with her life if came to that.

            “JO! Where are you guys? Fuck, I’m sorry, I know what it is Jo and I know who it is. But I want this one, me, and you. Can we do that? Meet me at the airport we have to get to New York, now. She’s got another victim lined up, and if I’m right, its gonna happen tonight.” Alex said as she opened the door, and walked out of Alice apartment, buttoning the jeans.

            “ALEX!” She yelled and Alex turned around, grabbing Alice by her shoulders.

            “You go home and you wait for me to call you. Understand me? Do not say a word to anyone I have to take care of the monster I created.” Pez said, they were outside, and Pez flagged down a cab. She got in, leaving a stunned Alice to figure out what was going on.

            “ALEX!” She bellowed again, and she ran to the Mini. There was no way in hell she was going to let the story of a lifetime get away. If she had to, she was getting the fuck on a plane and heading to New York herself.

******

            Shane threw the bag on the washer and began to sort the laundry in the bag. She saw two other women there, it was the middle of the night and other people were doing laundry too. She sat back and waited for the washers to do their thing. She was lulled into solitude by the swishing sound of the water.

            “I know, I think we should go Hawaii is nice, and warm….” The shorthaired woman was saying to the longhaired woman, who was shaking her head. She pulled the shorter one closer to her, and kissing her nose.

            “Yeah, but that means how many more months away from home….” The short blonde smiled, kissing the dark brown longhaired woman, making her smile. They hugged as the blonde one was sitting on the washer and the taller brown haired woman was standing between her legs.

            Shane watched the exchange from the corner of her eye and the brown haired woman saw Shane and turned into her lover embarrassed and Shane couldn’t help but smile at the gesture. She longed for that, that simple love that some people could have, but not her she’d never have that if she kept her feeling in the sealed vault of herself. She sighed softly, her face dropping as she got up and added softener.

            “How about I go get something to eat? What do you feel like?” The brown haired beauty asked and the blonde shrugged her shoulders, digging into her pockets and handing her some money and keys to their car.

            “What ever you want, but I get you for dessert.” She watched the other woman walk away, and she smiled as she opened the washer up and threw her clothes into a dryer. Shane didn’t say anything, this was LA you didn’t always strike up conversation with a stranger.

            “Come here often?” The blonde asked sliding up onto the washer in front of Shane and Shane looked around, seeing that she was, indeed talking to her. Shane cleared her throat and said in a quiet voice.

            “Only when I wanna think.” The blonde nodded and slipped back to the ground, and Shane sat up not wanting her to go.

            “Shane.” She said sticking her hand out and the blonde shook it. A fast grin, and pulled her hand away, climbing back up on the washer.

            “Beach. Pleasure.”

            ” Beach?” Shane asked and the blonde nodded, and then laughed and blushed.

            “Nick name. What do you have to think about Shane? That led you here in the wee hours of the LA morning? No good parties to be at?” Beach asked swinging her legs back and forth, wiggling her eyebrows as the washer began to spin making Shane laugh.

            “Life, love, loneliness.” Shane admitted how it was easy to talk to a stranger.

            “All the same thing.” Beach said, putting her hands together in front of her and making a bowing motion. Her voice taking on a Zen tone. Shane cocked and eyebrow and snorted.

            “Bull shit.”

            “Life is a long and winding road, as is love and loneliness. You are in love and you are lonely when that person is out of the room, if there is no love you are lonely and lost. Are you lost Shane?” Beach asked and Shane shrugged, she didn’t know. She just didn’t know anymore, she was vague, a shadow of herself, having let love in. Having wanted the feeling to last, and it hadn’t, it had crashed her down to earth and left her a mound of spineless fresh.

            “Beats the fuck outta me. How long you been with her, your girl?” Shane asked, motioning to the door that the other woman had left from.

            “13 years, long, loving, lonely, laugh filled, lovely years.” Beach admitted, and Shane didn’t know what to say, she just stared openly at the woman.  “You know Shane, maybe you just haven’t found the one woman that can settle you down, the one that lets you be free, but lets you be tied down at the same time. You’ll find that someday, just don’t shut down before it happens.” Beach got off the washer and went to check on her clothes, her girlfriend walking in a few moments later, and 20 minutes later they were gone, leaving Shane to wonder, was there such a woman?

*****

            “Ok, your ex is the killer? Alex, we are on a wild goose chase, you’ve fucking lost it.” Jo said, as they were an hour into the flight and finally Alex had started to talk. Her hand was wrapped in fresh gauze, thick padding stifling the blood flow, the gash was painful, but she ignored it.

            “The perfume, the way they were killed, it’s a whip! I know, I’ve seen it felt it many times. Look, we go to her place we liberate Bette from her and we tag her, watch her whatever, but she’s got Bette! If she IS the killer, she’ll want to do it now. while I’m still off balance, she thinks I’m off balance, but I’m not. I know exactly what she is up to; she is punishing me for leaving her. I ripped this.” Alex pulled out the same crystal from her pocket and threw it at Jo, who caught it and knew it was the same one that Bette had been wearing.