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Labyrinth of Emotions – 02.26 ~*~ Yesterday’s Memories
Tina and Bette sat in the waiting room, with a very nervous Mr. Navarro, who hadn’t stopped pacing since he’d gotten there, kissing Tina on the cheek when he’d entered the room. Bette joined him after an hour of watching, they crossed each other, nodding every once in a while, and Tina thought it was sort of cute. She closed her eyes and said a silent pleading prayer.
“How long does it take to assess someone?” Bette asked, and someone would have thought that it was Bette‘s child in there instead of hers.
Tina was quiet she was thinking that things couldn’t go wrong, not now. She had faith that this wasn’t going to be the end this way, that there was no way a god could take this child away from them.
“It seems to take an eternity.” Mr. Navarro answered back to Bette and she scoffed, staring at the dull gray carpet.
“And a day.” She added and then someone walked into the lounge, and it was Jayden Masters. Bette stopped and Tina shot up from the chair, and Mr. Navarro‘s eyes went wide with expectation.
“Is she going to be ok Jayden?” Tina asked the doctor, and she nodded with a bland look on her face.
“Oh, I’m CJ Masters? The nurse that took care of Ms. Navarro? Are you her family?” She asked Tina and Tina blinked, focusing on the woman, and she saw small differences in the woman. Her demeanor, her hair was a bit longer than Jayden’s and CJ wore her watch on the opposite hand. They really were twins, weren’t they?
“What is wrong with my chica?” He asked and Bette was staring openly at CJ, and Tina saw her licking her lips and she elbowed her playfully and Bette blushed.
“It is serious I think you should contact her family immediately.” Bette was stunned, and Tina turned into her arms, Bette wrapped her long arms around her, holding her close. How much more loss could any of them stand?
“I’m her family! I’m her father, now tell me! What is wrong with her?” He asked and CJ shuffled her feet, she wiped her lips and said softly.
“She is pregnant and there is an Rh factor in her blood that the baby’s immune system is fighting. Either the donor had the Rh factor, or Rosita did, we haven’t gotten the test back. The doctors gave her medication, but now her blood pressure is spiking. Dr. Masters is sure that she’ll be fine, but she’s going to have to stay off her feet for a while.” CJ explained and Tina nodded, Bette kissed the top of her head. Tina fell right into her arms, sighing and closing her eyes, there was a good god up there, wasn’t there?
“It’s going to be ok, shhhh…” Bette cooed and Mr. Navarro turned to Tina, taking her hand and she tried to keep the tears at bay. He nodded, feeling better that Rosita was alive and still fighting.
“She’s tough little duck, she’ll pull through and you and your baby will be all right too.” He reassured her and Bette looked down, looking around Tina and Tina whispered to her, with a grin that Bette had never seen before on her.
“I’ll explain later.” Bette nodded, smiling at the unique nick name.
“Can we see her?” CJ shuffled her feet again, and said in a rougher voice than Jayden would ever use.
“The doctor will be in to talk to you in a few…” CJ began and Jayden walked in, brushing passed CJ and giving her a careful look, moving over to Bette and putting a hand on Tina‘s shoulder.
“She’s all good, Mr. Navarro, we can go see her in a few minutes. BP is leveling off and she’s asking for you Sir and you to Tina, she’s pretty stubborn.” Jayden nodded towards the handsome man to the left, and he nodded.
“Espejo.” He said and did the sign of the cross, looking from Jayden to CJ and Jayden shrugged and Bette said.
“Mirrors, he said it’s like looking into a mirror.” Bette translated Jayden’s eyes went wide and she smiled, looking over at CJ and nodded.
“Sometimes it is. Other time’s it certainly isn’t.” CJ just turned and walked out, Bette got the feeling that they didn’t always get along very well. Wasn’t it always the way with family, she remember all the fights she’d had with Kit, and Kit had with their father.
“Can’t pick who you are related too.” Jayden scoffed and tugged Bette aside, as Tina and Mr. Navarro walked out the door. She stuffed her hands onto her scrubs, looking a bit sheepish as she asked Bette something.
“Can you call Lara for me? I’ve got Sam sedated in Trauma 3, she came in with Rosita, begging for me to take her heart out. She wanted me to cut it out, I called Marty Summers, but I haven’t gotten a hold of him yet.” Jayden said and Bette nodded,
“I’ll get Lara over here right away.” Bette turned, looking at the mirror and seeing her reflection, blinking and then seeing her father in her own eyes. She sighed and went out to find a phone to call the sexy soup chef.
*****
Alex rubbed her eyes, feeling the sleep tugging at her again, she’d slept at Bette‘s, but her body was rebelling. She’d eaten a chocolate bar and had drunk six coffees, nice and strong and black as night, thick sludge that they called coffee here at the station. Her legs hurt, and her mind was a garble of voices, all with their own agenda.
“The killer started back up four weeks ago, escalating in the last week, what has changed? Why is time so short? Are we getting close? Do we know who she is and we are not admitting it?” Pez said out loud to the empty room, she stared at the wall, painted with morbid pictures of death. She set her jaw, shaking her head, feeling the marbles shaking in there, she sighed.
“Full moon?” She asked the wall with a grin, she went over to the CD player and popped the top, looking down at the disc. It had a scribbled label. Killer Musix . Leave it to Jo Wheaton to make a joke of the music. She turned it on, a haunting rip of guitar, and then drums fading into the music, soul ridden voice of a male singer.
“Oh man, what is this?” Alex asked, and the singer began to sing, she didn’t listen to the voice, she knew why Jo‘d picked this song, it was one of those songs that the rhythm was more important than the words.
Alexandria Pezinni walked the room, her heavy biker boots thumping as she tugged at her hair, making it stand up on end. The black and white flannel shirt billowing around. She let the guitar into her mind, and then let her mind ride the sound, away from her body, into that place she never visited any more.
“Come on, get in there Pez.” She muttered and then she turned to the pictures again, her eyes glazing over and she stared into the dead woman’s eyes. She saw snapshots of hands, feet, legs, mouth, hands… She focused on the rings on their fingers; each of them wore either a wedding ring or commitment ring. She nodded, knowing this was it. She had it this was a connection the revenge was against someone who’d broken someone’s heart. But who was that person? Was this leading up to the death of that single person; was this just a practice run?
“Partner.” She said, and grabbed the note that Jo‘d put on the board, all of the women had girlfriends. Lovers, wife’s. That was it, who’d hurt this killer so much that she wanted to go and kill for them, against them, or with them?
“Fuck me.” Alex said to the room, the song ended and she grabbed the small remote and went back to the song, then put it on repeat, not wanting to lose the thread of her thought. The music lulling her into a safe and scary place, her eyes filled with electric thoughts.
“She wants revenge on her partner. Crystal wanted revenge on me, for leaving her. Who left this woman? Who? How do you fit into this Sam???” Alexandria asked then she moved to the computer, quickly booting up the chart that Alice had put on the internet, how little things sometimes came into play.
“Who did you share your partner’s with Samantha? Who is my connection to you, who boggled your mind, who did you snap in two? Or are you the one that snapped? Did her heart poison you to love, to the world?” Alexandria asked in a hard voice, waiting for the search engine to do its job. Her head banging to the music, feeling the blood boiling in her veins, she was getting there. Why was someone framing Sam? Or was Sam that sloppy? It had to be someone that had ties with Crystal to know the name that Crystal had used for her. Too many What If’s? She cursed her luck, why did she have to love this job so much?
“Come on!” Pez yelled, frantic and feeling like time was running out for them, for everyone, for someone, it might be their last night on earth if she didn’t put the pieces of this intricate puzzle together. She ruffled her hair, the feral look in her eyes now as she felt time ticking in the back of her mind.
“You’re wasted now and you’re gettin’ on down with the disco! You’re wasted now and you think you want to leave but you don’t go! You’re wasted now and your pants have been soiled but you disco! You’re wasted now and you think there was a point but you don’t know!” Sang Pez to the song, and she grit her teeth thinking the song lyrics sucked, but the music rocked. Disco? Must have been some sort of code for something else.
“BINGO!” Alex yelled as two names popped up on the screen, grabbing her leather jacket and pounding out of the room, tossing the remote and it landed on the table, clearing the repeat instructions, and Eminem’s Go To Sleep began to scream from the speakers.
“I ain’t gonna eat, I ain’t gonna sleep – Ain’t gonna breathe, til I see, what I wanna see – And what I wanna see, is you go to sleep, in the dirt – Permanently, you just being hurt, this ain’t gonna work – For me, it just wouldn’t be, sufficient enough – Cuz we, are just gonna be, enemies – As long as we breathe, I don’t ever see, either of us – Coming to terms, where we can agree – There ain’t gonna be, no reasoning, speakin wit me – You speak on my seed, then me, no speak-a ingles – So we gonna beef, and keep on beefin, unless – You’re gonna agree, to meet with me in the flesh – And settle this face to face, and you’re gonna see – A demon unleashed in me, that you’ve never seen – And you’re gonna see, this gangster beat on himself.”
Alexandria Pezinni walked down the hallway, she was going to find this woman, and she was going to beat her down in a way that she’d never put her feet to the floor again. A hunger in her eyes emerged as she got in her bike, forgoing her helmet and gunned it, off to find Jayden Masters.
*****
Jenny sat in her room, tapping away at the new story she’d been working in, she bit her lip, and not sure she was getting the scene right, trying to see herself in the writing. It was a story so far away from anything she’d ever written, that she was out of the picture, and that had never happened before, she’d lost the thread of her own voice.
She couldn’t, and that was new ground for Jenny, she’d always been in her stories, in one way shape or form. She rolled away from the desk, sighing and throwing a sock at the computer. It fell and lay on the keyboard and she spat at the computer in a venomous voice.
“Come on!” She begged the screen, and Jenny stood, hearing music coming from across the yard, she peered out to see Kit, Ivan and Mr. Porter in the back of the house, and Ivan was gyrating to some sort of old blues song.
“Oh that has to be the scariest thing I’ve seen in weeks.” She laughed and Marina came to the door, about to knock and she then laughed at the look on Jenny‘s pretty face.
“What are you looking at?” Marina asked and Jenny smiled, seeing the vision of a woman smiling and staring at her with lust in her eyes. The sexy accented voice that seemed as smooth as warm honey and a face that put you at ease, she pointed to the window.
“Ivan is doing a little show back there.” Jenny announced and Marina laughed too, full and rich and Jenny forgot about her battle with writer’s block.
“I was going to ask you if you’d eaten…” Marina began, but she saw a bag of Burger King discards on the left of the computer, and a huge soda on the right, and Jenny smiled, shrugging.
“I have a thing for their hamburgers.” She admitted with a sheepish grin, and Marina nodded, knowingly, her face lighting up as she teased Jenny.
“For me it’s the Quarter Pounder from McDonalds, no pickles.” She said in a deep whisper, walking passed Jenny, their shoulders brushing each other.
“Is it now? I will remember that.” Jenny said, wagging her finger at her, and Marina got closer to her, they circled one another and Jenny got on the tips of her toes and kissed her on the chin, and Marina leaned down to capture her mouth.
“How about we go out tonight?” Marina asked and Jenny nodded,
“That would be a most excellent idea.” Jenny accepted and Marina grinned, eyes filled with some mischief.
“Twilight ?” Marina suggested and Jenny nodded, it was, as Tina had put it, Dyke Night and they both grinned.
“What ever shall I wear?” Jenny said in a playful voice, her hand to her chest, and Marina grinned impishly.
“As long as at the end of the night, you aren’t wearing anything…”
******
Jo hung up her cell phone from a quick update with Amy and she turned her car onto Bette and Tina‘s street. A house, a real home, something that she and Amy had never achieved, they lived in a three story apartment building that Jo’d purchased years before, and they’d yet to move out into a real house. When was there time? They seemed to be off on one adventure, case, job or other commitment at the drop of a hat. Then there had been the two years where Amy hadn’t been in Jo‘s life. When she’d been in New York and married. Jo vowed silently that after this case was done and buried she’d find a house and settle down. Write full time if she had too, this was the end this was her career ending case. She saw the other houses in the small neighborhood, thinking it was a nice place to raise a family.
She then remembered that Jenny and Shane also lived on the same street. Shane, the sexy woman with a past and secrets, Jo knew. Jenny, the one who was still caught up in her own self exploration, and Jo knew how that felt too.
Jo pulled into the driveway behind an old and battered car, she knocked on the door and a cute nurse answered. Giving Jo the once over, and Jo smiled, disarming the woman instantly.
“Hello, is Bette Porter here?” Jo asked and the woman shook her head and Kit‘s booming voice came drifting to them from the back yard.
“HEY FBI AGENT! Get over here!” Kit bellowed and the nurse stepped aside and Jo stepped into the house, taking in everything with a practiced and quick eye.
Clean, neat, very lesbian in it all, everything in its place, and a place for everything. She saw the pictures, none of which depicted Bette or Tina with family, just with each other, and friends. She thought about it, in a way, she and Amy were much like Bette and Tina. Or at least how Bette and Tina had been.
Amy and she had been in a relationship since they’d been in high school, a turbulent and troubled relationship, from the get go. First friends, then lovers, then friends again, each of them with other people, but always fighting that deep attraction to one another. Yet the power of that attraction, and love, were too much to ignore, and they sailed the troubled waters with each other, hand in hand. With a good life jacket and a lot of humor. Then a darkness had overtaken Jo and Amy had gone to New York with a fling of hers, ending up married until she’d come back to save Jo from her worst enemy yet. Herself.
“Hey Kit.” Jo said with a grin, sitting down next to Ivan and winking at him/her, Jo never knew what to call Ivan. So in her mind, she settled on him/her. It was easier, slash and all, Jo grinned, fixing the jacket she was wearing, high end suit for Jo and she loved the feel of them on her body.
“Hello, and you’d be?” Melvin asked in a commanding tone, extending a hand and Jo‘s black suit jacket parted as she reached for his soft hand, she shook it. The man was on oxygen, looking haggard, yet he was still in charge make no doubt about it.
“Special Agent Jo Wheaton Sir.” She said with her official voice the one that hid her accent. He nodded and thought that Bette might have a thing for women in uniform, first the detective, and now an FBI agent.
“Jo also owns the Twilight club daddy…” Kit said in a very nervous tone and she rubbed her hands uneasily, having wanted to ask Tina about this, but Jo was here after all. Jo cocked her head to the left, and smiled.
“Sure Kit, any time you want to use the stage, hell the whole club, I can find you a band too if you need.” Jo said and then realized that Kit hadn’t said anything, all of their mouths dropped. Melvin studied the woman, seeing her eyes flash with something he was sure he’d never seen before.
“I didn’t…” Kit began and Ivan leaned back, watching Jo.
“Oh I guessed.” Jo covered and winked at Melvin, not yet knowing his name. Other than the fact that Kit had just called him Daddy, so she assumed it was her father, and Bette‘s too.
“Mr. Porter, you have a very talented daughter, she’s good. No, good is an understatement. She’s wonderful. I actually have a few of her albums.” Jo said changing the subject and Kit blushed, and Jo smiled brightly. He looked at Kit and nodded a ghost of a smile on his lips.
“Yes well. I’m sure I’m going to see about that, won’t I?” He said and Jo felt her phone vibrating, but she ignored it. She nudged Ivan, being playful, hoping they’d forget her slip of the mind.
“You picking the play list?” Jo asked and she/he nodded,
“I think I can handle that, right darling?” Ivan asked and Kit made a cute face, scrunching up her nose and smiling. Melvin watched the exchange, with a bit of distaste, but with more of a curiosity.
“So are you one too Miss Wheaton?” He asked and Jo blinked rather innocently, she bit her lip and shrugged.
“One what?” Jo asked, then she knew what he was talking about, but he took a deep breath and said in a rough voice.
“You know a lesbian.” He said the word with a bit of levity and Jo laughed, she figured she’d better disarm him a bit more.
“No Sir. I’m an equal opportunity fucker Sir. If they are of age and breathing they are as good as bedded.” Jo shot back and Melvin‘s eyes went wide and Kit‘s hand flew to her mouth and then Melvin burst out laughing, the sound almost alien to Kit. Jo sat there, pretending it wasn’t all that funny at all, soon Kit was laughing as was Ivan. A small smirk crossed Jo‘s features and Melvin nodded finally, meeting Kit‘s eyes.
“Well then, I say that deserves a drink.” Melvin said, getting his breath back and handing the glass to Kit, who narrowed her eyes.
“It’s not going to kill me Kit. I’m sure you can handle a beer?” He said and she snorted and got up, getting him some more whiskey and Jo took her vibrating phone and looked at the number, and bit her lip again, seeing the number of one of the tech’s at the FBI center in San Francisco.
“You’ll have to excuse me; I’ve got a hit on AFIS I have to check on. Kit?” Jo asked and Kit looked over at her from the kitchen. “Call me in the morning, I know a good band that will back you up, and if you need a piano player, I’ll do the honors. Tuesday night, if you want, we can karaoke the whole thing too, anything you want. Have Tina arrange it all, no expense to be spared.” Jo said and Kit nodded, then she smiled.
“Thank you.” Jo shrugged it off, walking passed her and smiling.
“Beinvenue. Hey your dad wants to hear you sing, not gonna deny the man his pleasure.” She walked out of the house and Kit was left wondering how Jo‘d known, again, what her father had wanted.
*****
“I’m tired.” Dana said, turning over in the bed and looking at Alice, whose hair was plastered to her head, and spiky on side, and Dana kissed her nose. Alice smiled, then she got serious, not wanting to fall back into this pattern, this are we friends, are we lovers, are we fuck buddies scenario.
“Ok so what next?” Alice asked not wanting to be some sort of one night thing, she wanted Dana, but not if she was going to be a consolation fuck.
“I don’t know a shower?” Dana asked and Alice gave her a killer look, and groaned. Dana was being totally off handed about this, yet again. She didn’t seem to want to take anything seriously.
“I mean with us!” Alice said, turning over onto her stomach as well, staring at Dana and Dana shrugged. She hadn’t wanted to think, she just acted, and that seemed to be working out fine for her.
“What do you want Alice? I want my best friend, and I want you. So that means I get to kill one bird with two stones.” Alice blinked, and then shook her head. She said in a very motherly tone.
“Two birds with one stone. Two birds with….” Alice corrected and Dana groaned.
“WHATEVA!” She said with a laugh and Alice got serious again, and Dana pulled the sheet up over her back, covering her ass. Alice reached back, and pulled it down again, swatting her ass and Dana whimpered.
“That hurt!” Dana almost yelled and Alice laughed.
“Cheat on me again with Lara or lord help me, with Tonya, and a spanking will be the least of your worries.” Alice said and Dana nodded. “The rules.” Alice said and Dana cocked an eyebrows she’d seen this coming, she’d been the bitch the first time around, now it was Alice’s turn to lay down the rules.
“Oh, oh.” Was Dana‘s response.
“One, no more fucking your ex’s! Two, always be honest. Three, no last minute changes in plans. Four…” Alice began, and Dana cut her off.
“WHOA! Stop right there, hold on a minute. Time out on the court. What’s with the rules? Can’t we be Alice and Dana, Dana and Alice?” Dana asked and Alice had to smile, she kissed Dana softly, as much as a friend as a lover.
“Yes, ok, we’ll make up the rules as we go along, how about we start with a real date?” Alice asked and Dana smiled, thinking that was a very good idea. Dana leaned over, and kissed Alice, and Alice pulled her onto of her, just as her cell phone rang, and she groaned.
“Don’t get it?” Dana begged and Alice rolled her eyes, and she turned the phone off and Dana smiled. Kissing Alice and she moaned as Dana worked her way down her chest, finding a nipple and nibbling lightly.
“OUCH!” Alice yelled and Dana laughed.
“No more spanking.” She said and Alice giggled, and she darted down the bed with Dana, laughing and playfully falling into a long night of bliss.
******
Shane sat on the curb outside of Milk, she was half in the bag, her body and mind not connecting at all, she’d just fucked this hot as lava woman and she felt nothing. All she felt was the pain, the pain she harbored, she let dwell in her soul, in her heart. What was left of her heart that was, she threw a pebble into the street, putting the cell phone back in her pocket.
She was aching for something right now, it wasn’t sex, it was more she wanted something she knew she’d never have. A future with someone who loved her for who she was, the player, the Don Juan, the lover, the tramp, the one in pain, the cutter, all those things. Wrapped up in a pretty androgynous package. That person just didn’t exist.
Disconnected and empty is what she was now, and now Alice wasn’t answering the phone, and she wanted to scream, but she didn’t have the energy too. She looked up to see Jayden Masters walking towards her and Shane said in a deep husky voice.
“Hey Doctor Jayden.” The woman stopped, blinking and looking down at Shane. She moved over to her, and pushed her hands in her pockets, her long hair tied up in a loose ponytail, not cascading over her shoulders as it usually was. She looked more severe that Shane‘d ever seen her before.
“Slumming tonight?” The doctor asked and Shane laughed, shaking her head no, scratching her head and chuckling.
“Naw, just, you know?” Shane said, holding out her open hands in a believe what you will gesture and Jayden nodded a knowing nod. She could understand, just needing someone, even for just a moment.
“Yeah, it is one of those nights.” Jayden said, and looked Shane over, sexy in the tight jeans, and white sleeveless shirt, and she motioned to Shane. “Buy you a drink sexy lady?” She asked and Shane nodded, getting up off the sidewalk, turning off her phone and walking back into the dimly light club with Jayden.
*****
“She’s not in there!” Lara said and she kicked the cart next to her, being rewarded with a sore toe, and a sharp pain. She growled and let out a yell, making a few nurses turn her way. She didn’t care, she was pissed and she hated Samantha Vance at this moment, wanting to do nothing more than pack her bags and leave forgetting she’d ever met the woman.
“She left AMA, against medical advice.” Jayden said and Lara threw up her hands, giving up. This just wasn’t worth it she stormed out of the ER, leaving the doctor sighing and wondering what Sam was thinking.
*****
Yesterdays Memories
12.4.04
The road back to our reality
Is long and twisted
Another brick in the sidewalk to our shame
We made it a long way from where we once were
Attempting to figure out
Where we all went wrong
I missed out on the fine print
That said that love like ours was hard
Life can be so cold
Nothing ever changes
I wait for the sun to come
Yet it never does
Yesterday
Hiding all our emotions
In a box with a lock so far away
Broken hard hidden behind the painless smile
Of yesterday
Tomorrow is still a mile away
The brick are still left to lay
Fingers bent and broken
Life cruel and torrid
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Just when you thing you got thing figure out you read another chapter and its not what you think. thanks bvh