She completely surprised me. Saying sorry wasn’t enough and she knew it, but the fact she did… I had never seen any care in her since I had got here.

“Don’t you want to get out of here?” I asked her. Why didn’t she try to get this Marina’s attention herself?

“I’m too far gone. I’ll be honest. I am nobody. To you, I am Fiona, to Moira I am Henrietta and to Ricky and the customers and Lenny and the lot of them, I am Jodie. I am so many different persons, I’ve lost myself along the way. I have got myself in here, I dragged too many along. I want to stop that, but I don’t have a choice. I have nowhere to go.” She swallowed. “You, on the other hand, have a choice. You have a life to go back to, people to catch you. You have that girl, and Billy, he loved you so much. He will take care if you if not anyone else. There will always be someone there for you, you’ll always have someone to fall back on. So please, go and talk to Marina. Make a good impression and get yourself out of here.”

I didn’t feel pity for her. I didn’t feel anything, maybe only appreciation because for once, she was being honest. She had done too much wrong to make it right with words. I merely nodded, didn’t thank her, and turned away.

“Just know that I’ll never forgive you. I’ll probably just forget you.”

I knew those words didn’t hurt her, but I had to say it. I knew those words were a lie, at least the latter ones. I would never forgive this hell. But it was time to make it my past and not my present.

_ _

Tina Kennard narration

Helena wrapped her arms around me and kissed my neck. I didn’t move, but smiled to myself. It was early in the morning and I just loved waking up beside her. I loved waking up next to someone who did care for me and wouldn’t run off.

I had this strange feeling that I would forgive Helena anything, just to keep her with me. I wanted to be with her more than anything. I didn’t want to be alone more than anything. I was my own person, I said that all the time. But in truth, I really wasn’t. I felt helpless without Helena. Like I was some silly, non-existent creature. I needed her love to make me alive; I needed love to make me feel someone.