I already Do

Chapter Twenty-Six



Bette expected her head to hurt, but for some reason it wasnt as bad as she anticipated. Her eyes still closed she rolled over and heard the crunching of paper.

What the *****? When she sat up the paper note followed suit.

And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter, and I gave forgiveness I had been denying
T.

Tina. Was she right? Was she here? Was it not just a drunken dream that tortured her again? Giving her head a second she then got up to go see. She walked slowly and full of fright not knowing anything and forgetting how awful she did feel.

She stopped walking, stood still, and stopped breathing, as she saw her there in her kitchen. Here in New York, in her house, in her kitchen, but most of all in her heart. She was cooking and singing a long with Bettes music.

I found a reason for me, to change who I used to be

Baby, was all she could whisper. Tina didnt hear her, but she felt her so she turned around. This couldnt be right, could it?

Tina.

Bette, as she walked up to give her a hug.

Tina, I dont as Tina shushed her.

Dont

But

I said dont, as she tugged Bette by her necklace with her ring on it towards her, and gave her the most sweetest kiss she had ever given.

As Tina finished the kiss she started Bette could only stand there with her eyes closed not being able to stop her tears. She brought her hand up to her lips not wanting to ever forget that touch. Tina then only smiled and Bette felt it so she opened up her eyes to see it for herself.

The silence and the stares, and the remains of the last tears were all that was left in between them. Bette knew she had to start somewhere and having Tinas arms around her wasnt a bad place to start.

Tina, I,

You dont have to Bette.

Yes I do. I need to. Besides its the least I can do to start healing you again.

Healing us Bette, its for healing us.

Bette took her arms from around herself and put them on her shoulders.

Help me put you on the counter. On three okay.

Tina now seated and Bette between her legs, I thought you should sit. This might take a few minutes, but you need to hear this. I need to let if go for once and all.

Sure baby, but are you not hurting. Do you need me to get you something?

I have what I need right here. In front of me, shes all Ill ever need.

Bette, as she caressed her cheeks.

Well here it goes ok.

Look about ten months ago I broke my wifes heart. No excuses or lies or anything else could amount to the regret that those actions gave me for doing them. The one thing I had come to need to live, was the only thing keeping me there when nothing else could. It was you. But I already knew that you couldnt see me, I couldnt let you see me because it would only break you more than you deserved. And the times I tried to get you to even give me a second were my only lines of hope.

Oh Bette,

No, dont Tina I deserved it. All of it. And that night I wrote to say I wasnt running away, I was. But you already knew that. I ran because I couldnt take her making you laugh, making you smile your smile that was only meant for me. It was too much and it only made me not be able to forgive myself, fully knowing that you had at least started to try to do the same. And leaving after having kissed you and you being there for me when I got hurt it was making me feel undeserving of anything that you were willing to give me.

Bette,

Tina please,

No, I understand you need to do this, but you have my forgiveness and theirs and our love. You have to forgive yourself Bette. Now I know you never meant to hurt me or meant any of the wrong that went on, but it happened and we understand. And WE have already given up too much of our time together to not get on with our lives.

What is that supposed to mean?

Bette today here in your kitchen and in your arms for the last time it shall be said, I forgive you and forgive us. I am sorry however for the ugliness that went between us, but know that I never stopped loving you. So with that said hopefully with the forgiveness that you will find within yourself, this will be the last time we ever have to bring this up and apologize to one another, so we can move on.

Bette took her eyes from Tinas looked down and held her hands.

Bette I do love you. Here, now, yesterday, and tomorrow and the day after that. I do love you.

Bette with her head close to Tinas heart could only muster up, I know, God how I do know.

Feeling it was her turn,

Tina here in my kitchen in your arms but more importantly in your heart, I with your help have let that part of us go with the forgiveness I had been denying myself. I know that in this moment with you here I can only live again as long as you are there with me. I hope that one day I will fully be able to fill your heart as the pain, hurt, and anger disappear from where they were not meant to be.

Putting her arms around Tina and vowing to herself that she would never let go again.

Bette,

Yeah.

You already do.

Already do what T.

Already fill me up.