Her Veneer

I’m sure if you were in my shoes you would feel the same way, torn in two.  Torn between knowing the truth as I do or believing the lie that everyone else is privy to.  I prefer the truth but to date I’ve had little if any influence in trying to bring it out.   I know how my presence brings pain and agony.  I also know that the longer the truth stays hidden the more powerful it becomes.  I don’t know how else to explain it.  Bette Porter is everything I have ever hoped for in a person.  She is over the top smart, loving in a tender, delicate kind of way and loyal like no other I have ever known.  She is the complete package, all I could ever hope to attract and what do I do.  I return that kindness by placing her in this horrible position.   I by my very nature have caused a hurt so deep that the wound itself may never heal.  It’s a dilemma, one I find myself in and don’t know how to get out.

Bette Porter is a person so easy to love.  Her heart is so large that she is always taking on more then she should.  When it comes to me, that describes the picture perfectly, Bette taking on more then she should.  She thinks she has these broad shoulders that can withstand any weight but I’m here to tell you some burdens just are too much.  The long term effect of carrying around this weight isn’t something anyone can escape.  These signs aren’t something seen today but instead years from now looking back the tell tale signs will all be there.  Only then with the hindsight of time will heads be scratched as to why. 

Having said all of this I will tell you I have tried repeatedly to make her to change her mind.  But I’ve failed.  I’ve failed at every turn.  Any influence I have seems to have has dwindled the more I try.  She just refuses to change.   In her mind my well being is her highest priority.  It’s this notion that is at the heart of her thinking.  These thoughts have become her emotions.  I am left safe and sound but knowing it’s wrong.  That woman can be so stubborn when she’s got her mind set.  And when it comes to me her mind is concreted in stone.