CHAPTER 7

Turmoil:
A state of discomposure: agitation, dither, fluster, flutter, perturbation, tumult, upset. Informal lather, stew. See calm/agitation.
An interruption of regular procedure or of public peace: agitation, commotion, disorder, disturbance, helter-skelter, stir1, tumult, turbulence, uproar. Informal flap, to-do. See calm/agitation, order/disorder.
A state of uneasiness and usually resentment brewing to an eventual explosion: ferment, Sturm und Drang, unrest. See calm/agitation, peace/conflict.

Shane isn’t sure if Carmen is really sleeping or is just pretending to sleep.
Her doubt is legitimate, because obviously Carmen doesn’t wanna talk.
About what?
About what’s just happened. About making love like there’s no tomorrow. About the tears cried while she was into Shane’s arms.
About that scar.
Shane lies right behind her. Carmen’s back is resting against her chest, and she’s sleeping
– pretending to sleep? –
with her arms folded.
Protecting herself.
Not the usual Carmen, that’s for sure. The old Carmen used to face the world holding her head up.
This new Carmen, in a slightly different way, cuts the streets like an aeroplane would do, directly and firmly and apparently feralessly. But right now… as she’s sleeping
– pretending to sleep? –
she looks powerless and scared.
I am here with you, Shane thinks.
She inhales the reassuring scent of her hair, grazing her side with her index finger.
She likes to touch her bare skin. So smooth, so delicate, so warm.
As she keeps on caressing her, Shane cannot stop thinking that night just gone is nothing less than a dream suddenly come true.
She didn’t expect it.
She didn’t expect that closeness, that intimate contact, both emotional and physical.
She didn’t expect Carmen to kiss her.
At all.
And, least of all, she didn’t expect to make love to her ever again.
It’s like Carmen changed her mind abruptly, at the club. It’s like something just clicked into her mind, when she started walking towards Shane. It’s like she was resigning herself to something she couldn’t avoid.
That look in her eyes, right before their kiss. That look said
White flag.
I can’t hang in there anymore.
That look said
Make me feel safe.
That look said
I know you.
You know me.
You know how to touch me kiss me talk to me
Talk to me
Talk to me even if words are useless at this point
Useless words, for me
Touch me
But please do it gently
Gently as I am touching you
Don’t hurt me.
Yeah, that look said
Don’t.
Hurt.
Me.