Fear is an ever changing subject. Its origin shifts from time to time but the reason behind it is almost always constant. Different diseases take form but in the end the only thing that matters- our insecurities. Often times, fear is a catalyst of an event. Her cheating catapulted their disintegration of a long term love affair. Her insecurities pushed her to kidnap her babe. Her drinking and self loathing left her in this state. Ultimately, it burns down to her.

–

For a long time, Bette was afraid of darkness. She would curl up and shut her eyes tight, hoping it would shut out the world. It was her defense mechanism. Ironic. Back then, Isabelle was always there and the company distracted her enough. Her dependency grew as a result. Her Isa would help her through her fear because she was the stronger one. The funnier one. The happier one. How she longed to be… If only it were her… She catches herself thinking about it more than she cared to admit.

After the accident, she grew out of it – eventually. She had to deal with it. Isabelle wasn’t there anymore…  One day, her father had to take yet another business trip and Kit was left to babysit her. It was late. She remembered the smell. Bette knew the sweet smell by heart at that point after inhaling it for so long. She also recognized it because Kit would slur and laugh at nothing and everything in general whenever that smell hung in the air. The smell accounted for her lack of care that night. Bette didn’t bother Kit about it because Kit almost set the house on fire once after thinking that candles would help counter Bette’s fear. She sinks into her bed and covered the sheets over her body. From that day on, she knew she had to be strong. For herself and –  

Isabelle.

–

Bette was torn. The root of her problems buried deep within her womb. The presence of her growing babe is evident now in her daily nausea. She knew she could happily go through the pregnancy and birth this child but what happens after? She couldn’t fathom raising a babe she never planned on but forced to. Her sense of helplessness at her condition was further enhanced by Kit’s treatment towards her. Bette felt trapped. She has yet to set foot outside her sister’s home alone. Bette was getting more and more agitated at the scrutiny she was being subjected to. On top of that, those flashes of her pained past didn’t help much either. It was consistently vague and blurred that all her assumptions made from it were derived from her feelings at seeing them play before her.