Max holds the phone out to me.
“The OR,” he says.
I snatch the phone from Max’s hand. “Hello?”
Talk. Please talk. I can see it clear as day. She didn’t make it, I’m sorry… Oh god. So real. I can just picture it.
“Hello, this is Dr. Rowan.”
“How is she?” It comes out of my mouth in a rush.
“She’s out of surgery. There was a lot of bone shrapnel that made it tricky and some of it migrated into the artery. She’ll live, but I can’t say what her use of the arm will be.” I collapse into a chair. My legs feel like marshmallow. Did well. She’ll live.
Thank you so much for calling me. Thank you. Damn tears are on my face again.
“No problem.”
“Can I see her? Please?”
Through the phone, he sighs. “That’s a huge no-no, but she’s asking for you so I’ll allow it. Briefly.”
She’s asking for me. Wow. Oh, god.
“I’ll be right up.” And I sprint all the way up to the OR.
.
Recovery is a long room with two rows of beds. I walk down the aisle, frantically looking from left to right. Dr. Rowan stops me. He’s a big guy. Silvery brown hair. Tanned skin against his blue scrubs is somehow comforting to me.
Salameh. Listen to me. He puts his hands on my arms, holding me still.
I nod, hoping the tears are gone from my face.
You can see her very briefly, then you have to go back out to the waiting room. As soon as shes awake were moving her to med-surg, and you can stay with her there. Did you get someone to cover you downstairs?
Yeah, I whisper. She didn’t have any brain damage?”
“No evidence of that. She’s oriented and alert as can be expected.”
“Thank you,” I whisper. “How extensive could the damage be? I mean, what are the chances of her keeping the arm?”
It’s impossible to tell. Ortho and neuro need to work her up in a day or so. Well know more then.
Thank you. Thank you so much. I wipe tears away and he pats my back.
Very briefly, he reminds me. Shes very fragile.
Fragile. Shane. Oh my god.
Okay.
He guides me over to a bed. And shes lying there. Eyes closed, she looks so exhausted. Pale. They’ve cleaned the majority of the blood off of her. Her whole left upper quadrant is in gauze and there is a pulse-ox meter on her finger.
My heart is pounding sickeningly. Eyes flicker to her vitals. Theyre good.
Shane, you have a visitor. Dr. Rowan says.
Hmm. Her eyes flicker under their lids but she doesnt open them. I smile. She makes the same noise when shes warm and comfy in my bed, resisting wakefulness.
Oh, god, I love her so much.
I take her good hand in mine, and it is warm.
Hey, Hottie. I whisper. I wipe my face again, to make sure Im not crying. Shane, sweetie, wake up. I stroke her hair back gently as I can.
Her eyes open, and when they move to my face I feel something like grace descend down through my body. She is there, and whole, at least in mind.
Ay She says, throat scratchy.
Hi. Youre safe now.
Safe from what?
Everything. Im gonna take care of you.
Hmm, her eyes flutter shut. Arm hurts.
Yeah, that will go away soon. You need to lie still.
What happened?
I look at Dr. Rowan. He nods, then taps his watch.
You got shot outside Lather. But youre safe here. Youre at my hospital. The skin of her forehead is so smooth and cool. I want to hold her to me, crush her tightly into my arms, but that is definately contraindicated.
Steve… Her eyes open, as if she is suddenly frightened.
They got him. Youre safe. Ill fill you in on it later, but right now you need to rest.
‘Kay, she whispers, eyes closing.
“Is there anyone you want me to call?” I touch her other hand. The skin isn’t so cold anymore. I touch her wrist and feel a strong distal pulse. Thank god.
“Dunno. Al.”
“Okay.”
I lean down and kiss her forehead. Underneath the smells of blood and betadine, I can smell her scent, green tea shampoo.
I kiss her a second time, just because I can. Love you. Ill see you in a little while. Her hand twitches in mine, just barely.
I nod my thanks at Dr. Rowan. I hope he gets it because I don’t think I can speak.
I walk out of recovery. C.J. is at her desk in the OR reception area, nodding her head to a Red Hot Chili Peppers song. She looks up when I approach.
“Hey. Are you okay?” Someone must have filled her in on my relationship to Shane. Or maybe she put two and two together. I don’t know.
I shrug. “Can you page me in the OR when she moves to a room?”
“Sure thing.”
When I return to the ER it is quiet. Lou is doing triage. I walk to the waiting area, and it’s almost empty. The Basset hound man is there, waiting for his little girl. And at the other end of the room are Alice and Jenny. They stand up the second I walk in. The man watches me with his sad sleepy eyes as I fall apart. They engulf me, one on either side.
“She’s alive.” I say, into the softness of Al’s hair, and it’s all I can get out. Alive. They surround me, Jenny on the left and Alice on the right, and I just sob. The mean bears sad-eyed witness, and Alice and Jenny whisper softly. She’ll live.
Later, when I’m all cried out and I’ve explained Shane’s condition to them, Lou comes into the waiting area with two cops. “Darah.”
I nod at the men. They eye my red face, my messy scrubs. I stand. “Are you here about Shane McCutcheon?”
They nod. “They tell us you’re her girlfriend.”
“I – she’s, we’re her friends, all three of us.”
“Could we ask you some questions?”
“Sure.”
Jenny and Alice look at each other. I lead them into the lounge and we sit around the table, an unlikely group. The cops are young, maybe younger than us, one black and one hispanic.
“Um, I just want to say for the record that everything I’m telling you I’m telling you as a friend of Shane’s, and not a hospital employee, okay?”
The cops look at each other and shrug. Then the black one speaks. “This is a pretty open and shut case. Two cops witnessed the shooting and apprehended the guy on sight so we’re just getting a little follow-up information.”
“It was Steve Jaffee, wasn’t it?” I say. Alice makes a small gasping sound.
The cops look at each other again. “How’d you know that?” Officer Perez says.
“Because he threatened to kill her about a year ago. Last night we were having dinner with my parents and the Jaffees were in the restaurant. Cherie approached Shane in the bathroom.”
“Wait, wait, back up. What’s Shane’s relationship to the Jaffees?”
“She cut Cherie’s hair,” Alice says. “She started having an affair with Cherie. Steve found out and threatened to kill Shane if she ever went near the family again.”
“And did she?”
“No, I seriously doubt it.” Al says.
“No,” I say. Shane told me what happened in that bathroom, and I trust her. Think about how she looked last night in that dress,sparkling and gorgeous, how Steve stared.
“So as far as you know Shane had no contact with anyone in the Jaffee family since last September, other than last night.”
“As far as I know,” Al says.
“No, actually.” I say, thinking of the awards thing with trepidation. “Um, I do know that there was an incident a couple of months ago, at an awards dinner for the hospital. Shane was my date and I got into a confrontation with Cherie.”
The cops perk up.
“Nothing physical,” I say. “Shane was with me, I got an award, after we went to the bar for a drink, and Cherie was there. She demanded to know what Shane was doing there, and Shane just froze. I on the other hand got into it with her, asked her who the ***** she was, told her to go to *****.”
“What?” Alice says. “Are you serious?”
“I remember that night,” Jenny says quietly. “Shane was really upset.”
I bite my lip. That could be because I tied her down and had my way with her.
“That was months ago,” I say.
“What was Cherie’s mental state when she walked away?”
Both cops, Jenny, and Al look at me. “Um, she looked rattled, to see her ex- lover. But she covered it. She was extremely rude to Shane, who didn’t say a word.”
“What else do you know about Cherie Jaffee? Was she unstable? In psychiatric treatment maybe?”
“Oh my god.” I feel the blood draining out of my face for the second time today. “It was her?”
“No, Mr. Jaffee did the shooting. But I need to know what you know about Cherie Jaffee.”
Not a damn thing. That she has diamond earrings like door knockers. That she’s an uppity *****. That for whatever reason, Shane once loved her. That she broke my girl’s heart.
“I don’t know anything. I was living in Texas when that all happened.” I look at Al and Jenny.
“She’s a Hollywood wife,” Alice says. “Stereotypical society woman. I don’t know her personally. She broke Shane’s heart.”
The black cop looks at me. “You were saying something about last night at a restaurant?”
“Right. Last night my mom and stepdad were in town, and they took me out to dinner at Brass. Steve Jaffee was there and he kept staring at us. It was freaking me out, you know, this strange man, and I didn’t know who he was until Cherie came in. I just hoped that Shane would get through the dinner without noticing them. But then Steve was over talking to someone across the room, and Shane didn’t know they were there but she got up then to go to the bathroom. And Cherie made a beeline right after her. I should have known. I…” I thought I was all cried out but the lump in my throat is back. “I said, ‘she’s gonna get her killed…’”
Killed. My Shane. Oh, god. A lump in my throat is obstructing my speech.
“Did Steve see them go into the bathroom together?”
“They didn’t go together. Shane went, and a few seconds later Cherie followed her. And yes, Steve saw.”
“Then what happened?”
“Shane came out of the bathroom, practically running. We finished eating and walked out.” I remember the way Shane held me, her arm around my waist. God, I want that feeling again.
“Later she told me that Cherie had told her she loved her, and Shane said that she didn’t love her and she just bolted. I think it freaked her out more than she let on.”
And she let on. She let me see how vulnerable she was. Please, D. I need this… I can still taste her if I remember hard enough.
I shut my eyes.
“Why are you asking about Mrs. Jaffee’s mental state?” Jenny asks. “What does that have to do with anything?”
The cops look at each other again. I want to smash their heads together to get an answer. The hispanic one speaks. “Early this morning, Cherie Jaffee killed herself.”
I feel sick. Alice and Jenny catch their breath.
“Oh my god.”
“He was acting out of grief… so, what happens now? What if he wants to finish her off? He’s so ***** connected, he could hire a hit-”
The black cop interrupts me. “He’s not getting out. There’ll be no plea bargain and he’s being charged with attempted murder.”
“Oh my god.”
“How did she kill herself?” Alice says.
“I can’t release that information.”
“In answer to your question about a hit,” the other cop says, “for the moment he’s in isolation and on suicide watch so there’s no way he can do anything until he’s calmed down.”
“Oh my god,” I say. This is a nightmare.
“So, if he wanted her dead, why shoot her in the shoulder?” Alice asks.
The cops shrug.
“The front window of Lather is all glass. Maybe she saw him in the reflection and she hit the ground.”
“Maybe. We’ll need to speak to her when she wakes up.” He pulls a card out of his breast pocket and pushes it over to me.
“We’ll need your names and addresses,” the other one says. We give him the information.
“So what happens now? Will this go to trial?”
“Looks that way. Jaffee’s being held without bail. Between you and us and the wall, the D.A. has had it out for him for years. Apparently Jaffee slept with his wife.”
Heh. Irony. I’m numb. Either that or I’m feeling so much, it comes across as numb. Not sure which.
“How long will he get?”
“Depends. The defense could try to argue that he wasn’t in his right mind.”
And he probably wasn’t. I don’t care about that. All I care about is that he not come after Shane. All I want is her life.
“Can we see her?” Al asks, once they are gone.
“No, it’s too late for visitors. I’ll call you guys in the morning.”
.
Please, I think, sitting by the fountain and watching the waves. Please let this be over. Please let him be satisfied.
I hold my knees to my chest, wrap my arms tight around my legs.
Please let her be okay.