“You’re not supposed to be here. What kind of coffee break buddy are you if you won’t tell your buddy that you’re getting coffee?” Andrea said as she shook her head.

    “And you’re not supposed to be here, either.” Shane said as she turned to face Andrea. Both tried to look reproachful but both failed miserably. They both ended up laughing.

    “I thought you were swamped?” Andrea said, not really paying attention as she peeked from behind the person before them. They were seventh in line.

    “I am. Aren’t you swamped?” Shane asked pointedly.

    “I am. But I need my coffee.” Andrea said. A long period of silence passed until Andrea broke the silence. “You’re thinking about her again.”

    “Huh? What?” Shane looked at Andrea with a raised eyebrow. They were nearing the counter and Shane was supposed to be thinking of what to order and yet her attention was too far from coffee.

    “You’re thinking about her again. You’re tracing your tattoo again.” Andrea pointed at her hand. Shane belatedly realized that she had indeed been tracing the tattoo. It was one of those weird habits she didn’t think she’d form but had formed nonetheless. She always traced the tattoo when she thought of Carmen.

    “I…uh…I was.” Shane said. She waited for the sermon to come after her answer. She waited for Andy to say that she should go find Carmen, woo her again, tell her how much Carmen meant to her, tell her everything.

    “Shane, are you okay?” Andrea asked. Shane looked at her curiously. This was something new.

    “Yeah, I’m fine.” Shane said. Somehow, over the years, she had managed to convince herself that she was just fine without Carmen. The barista had managed to grab their attention. As they ordered, Shane felt as though she had escaped another one of those sermons that made her want to go and run as fast as she can to wherever it was that Carmen was. But as they grabbed their coffee and turned to leave, she realized she couldn’t have been more wrong.

    “Shane, listen. There’s fine, and then there’s extraordinary. If you find someone to love who makes you feel extraordinary, you should know that one lifetime is not enough to show how much you love that person. It is too short and often filled with too many challenges. If one lifetime isn’t enough, Shane, what makes you think the rest of your life is enough?” Andrea softly cupped her cheek. “It’s okay to feel fine, Shane. But fine is just miserable for someone who’s felt extraordinary. You’ve felt extraordinary. Don’t you want to try again for extraordinary? Don’t you want to try to give Carmen extraordinary?”

    Shane thought of something to say. Some way to escape the gnawing feeling that Andrea was right. But it was futile. Andrea searched Shane’s eyes and saw that she had finally managed to drive her point home. She pulled back and slowly made her way to the door.

    Long after Andrea left, Shane finally managed to verbalize the one thing that made everything so unbelievably complicated. “But it’s not just me now.”