Previously

~~~

Staring at the picture of the two of them on the blanket that first night made her laugh. Half of Alice was cut off. They put the camera on the mantel and tried to take a picture on auto. It didnt work. But it was still her favorite picture of them.

Talking out loud to herself, Alice started cursing. *****. Forever, huh? Dana you said forever. Do you remember? I believed you that morning, the world was perfect. We were here. Waking up together for the first time. Why? Why wasnt I enough for you? How could I have fixed this? *****, I cant handle this. Pull yourself together Pieszecki. You have a deadline and an interview to keep you job tomorrow. You cant sit here and feel sorry for yourself. Tomorrow, you can feel like *****. Today, you need to get this work done and you only have three hours before you need to leave. So deal.

She gently put the frame back in its place and rubbed her fingers lightly over its image. She turned around; wiping the tears from her eyes and saw her.

Dana was leaning in the doorway with tears in her eyes.



~~~

Al? Dana said as she wiped her eyes and started walking through the living room towards Alice.

Dana. *****. I thought I was alone. What are you doing here?

Dana just walked over to Alice and started to hug her. Al, Im so sorry. Please dont cry. I cant watch you cry.

Alice, trying to push away from Dana, Well, if I knew you were here, you wouldnt have seen me cry. Dana no, please let go of me.

No. Holding on to Alice harder. Just come here. Cant we just forget everything for a second and let me hold you. Please.

Alice kept struggling for a second, then gave up and just rested her head in the crook of Danas neck. She wrapped her arms around Danas waist held her tight. Pulling her closer. God she feels so good. How can she still feel so good, when shes why I need comfort. But she does. I feel so safe. She has always been able to make me safe. Even before we were together, she was Dana. Safe. She could look at me and I would know that the worst day would be ok. She loved me. Always. No. No!

Trying to squirm out from under Danas arms. No Dana. You dont get to be the one to comfort me. Youre the reason I need comfort. *****. Dana! No!! Dana was struggling and not letting go. Alice, just stop. STOP IT! I will always be here to comfort you. I dont care where we are. Alice started to relax. She wanted to believe what she was hearing. I am always your friend. Thats why Im doing this. Im always your friend. I cant watch you cry. I cant. It breaks my heart. You know II cant see it. I just start crying too. Please. Just stop.

Alice just gave up fighting. She wasnt exactly comfortable, but she wasnt ready to let go. She needed to feel her arms around her. Even if it couldnt last. She needed to remember how this felt. Those strong arms around her. She fit into them so perfectly. Dana, why are you here? Why?

Holding Alice while swaying gently and talking into her hair, I stayed at the club last night. Shane invited me to stay with her. And I …

Wait! You told Shane? Why? Danas own tears started, She, um, she saw me in the park. I was, well, I was crying and she just was Shane, you know? She even said that Mrs. P could come. Shane wont say anything if I ask. You know that.

Yeah, but I m not ready to deal with this, with them asking questions and checking on me.

She wont say anything. Ill make sure, promise.

Your promises dont mean too much these days. She immediately regretted saying it when she saw Danas face fall. Sorry. Im a little raw today. OK. That was lowWell at least I know youll be ok. But that still doesnt answer my question. Dana, why are you here? Its cruel. This is hard enough. I need time away from you. If you really want to throw away all that we have, you cant just show up.

Holding Alice tighter, But you said I could come by. I cant lose you from my life, Al. I need to know youll be there. Please. I just came by to get some things. I picked some stuff up earlier but left my workout gear. Please Al. Dont leave my life. I love you so much. She leaned her head into Alices head. Smelling her hair. Loving how this felt. But fearing it at the same time. Alice was her life, she was her lifeline. The only place in the world where she knew she was home, with Alice in her arms. She kissed the top of Alices head.

Alice finally broke out of Danas grip. Dana! No. You cant hold me and kiss me and think were just going to go back 5 years and be friends!! Dont you understand what you do to me? How much I love you? I cant. You!! You chose this. You dont get to be upset. OK. Its not right. You dont get to ask me to be there for you. Dammit Dana, this is fucked up!

Dana pulled Alice to her. She put her hand under Alices chin and forced Alice to look at her. There were tears in both of their eyes. Alice, Im not going to lose you from my life.

Dana, what can I do? I cant be your friend. Theres no going backwards. I cant believeshit. Her voice softened into barely a whisper. You cant do this to me. Please. I dont get it. Why wasnt I enough?

Babe, stop. Thats not it. You know thats not it. I mean, come on. You know better than that. You are everything to me. You are the only person who everwell you know. Dana let go of Alice and dropped her head.

Now it was Alices turn. She lifted Danas face to meet hers. No, Dana. I dont know. I dont know anything anymore. Everything I thought I knew, you blew away when you left yesterday. Tell me. Please make me understand. I need to understand.

Dana just started to cry. She buried her head in Alices neck and quietly sobbed. Dane, talk to me. You can tell me anything. Talk to me. Alice was stroking Danas hair. Wondering how this turned around and she was comforting Dana. But she couldnt just let her cry.

Al, I uh, I just. Im so scared. Im just so scared of losing you. Of youwell youre gonna catch on. I cant believe youre still here. Alice interrupted her, softly placing her lips on Danas. Talking into the kiss Ill always be here. I dont ever want to leave you. Dana started to kiss her back. She put her hands on the side of Alices face. Applying more pressure to Alices lips. Then she suddenly broke the kiss.

No, I cant do this Al. This isgod it feels so goodbut I cant. Youre going to leave. I know you will. I cant take that pain from you. I mean, even my parents…

Alice, upset with herself for wanting to comfort Dana, knowing she would anyway, took Danas hands, Dane, your parents love you. Its just hard for them to show it. They even talk to me now. Itll be…

No, you dont get it. Its not that. He left. All she gave up for him, and he left.

Pulling Dana into her, What, he left her? Is that what all this is about? Your parents are splitting up. She was hurting for Dana. She knew how much her parents meant to her. Probably even more so because they didnt approve of her. She idolized them. Hon, itll be ok.

She pushed Alice away, Dont you get it. It always ends. Always. Were no different. First Bette and Tina, then Shane and Carmen, now my parents. And how many other couples have we seen fall apart. Al, I cant wait for that to happen. I wouldnt be able to survive.

Dana ran to the couch and grabbed the bag she had packed before Alice got home. Ran over to Alice and kissed her on the cheek. I love you Alice. Dont ever think I dont. I just cant do this. She left before Alice could say anything.

Alice just stared at Dana walk out the door. *****. She went over to the stereo and found her hidden stash of country music. She liked it when she needed to wallow. Only Dana knew about it. And she had fun with it too. She pulled out the CD she was looking for and dropped it in. Setting it to track number four, she just crumbled against the wall as the first few seconds of music started. Lost in the music she cried.

You waltz into the room
Just like you’d never left
And for a moment or two
I could almost forget
You take me in your arms
And I fall again

That’s no way to break a heart
You call my name I drop my guard
Why can’t you play your chosen part
And stay away so I can make another start
That’s no way to break a heart

Weren’t you supposed to need
Something I could not give
But now you’re lying so close to me
And you’re taking everything
I can’t hold on forever
For nothing more than this

That’s no way to break a heart
You call my name I drop my guard
Why can’t you play your chosen part
And stay away so I can make another start
That’s no way to break a heart

No don’t touch me
Don’t you kiss me
Don’t you realize
That’s no way
To say goodbye

That’s no way to break a heart
You call my name I drop my guard
Why can’t you play your chosen part
And stay away so I can make another start
That’s no way to break a heart