Previously

The one thing that Dana couldn’t forgive herself for was her utter lack of resolve and strength. First, she actually took someone else to her room. Whether she had actually followed through on that or not wasn’t really all that relevant. She started something and for a time wanted to finish it. Of course, just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean that you don’t notice other people, but you do stop wanting them and you certainly don’t act on anything. Then Dana saw that Alice could be in danger so she decided to end things to protect Alice. And again, she had no resolve and couldn’t stick to it.

When you love someone, shouldn’t you love her enough to walk away if that is what’s best for her? Shouldn’t she have been able to look at Alice and convince her that she didn’t love her and let Alice start over? How could she put Alice through the pain of ending, then just give in and then let her find out just how badly she had betrayed her?

When she saw Alice’s face at the hotel this morning, that desolate, empty look in her eyes when she looked at Dana, it broke Dana. Alice had so much love inside of her. She gave so much of herself that when someone she loved hurt her she just shut down. The pain was too much to bear. Alice didn’t just give to anyone. She was selective, but those that actually had Alice love them, there was nothing she wouldn’t do for them. There was no grey and no in-between that left Alice wide open. So when she was hurt, she had no protection.

All Dana knew was that she couldn’t leave things as they were. She couldn’t let Alice stay like this. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do. She knew that Alice wasn’t going to make this easy. Alice was going to fight her. But Dana wasn’t going to leave it like this. She was going to find a way to make this right. Alice was wrong. It wasn’t gone. It just needed some serious reviving. Dana was going to find a way.

Drowning 32

Dana spent most of the day and night trying to figure out what the right next step should be. Though the situation was one she had never dealt with before, she knew Alice and knew her well, so it came as quite a surprise when she didn’t instinctively know what would make it better. That was always a given with Alice. Whether as a couple or friends, when Alice was upset, Dana always could make it better. The fact that for the first time in almost a decade, she didn’t have the innate ability to know what would make Alice happy just made Dana more despondent. In her mind, that only substantiated the issue. The only real conclusion that she came to was that before she could make it better with Alice, she needed to make sure Alice wasn’t in danger.