(..Bette stopped for a moment trying to gain some control before she continued, however she couldnt seem to stop the silent tears from making their way down her cheeks. So if you decide to be with someone else, I will support you in whatever way I can. Tina couldnt believe her ears. She wanted to interrupt Bette and tell her she had it all wrong. She wanted to rush to her and wipe away her tears, but she was paralyzed by hearing the words coming out of Bettes mouth, by the gift that Bette was giving her. Bette was showing Tina that she loved her unconditionally. She was showing her that she was her friend by stepping out of the way so Tina could go in the direction Bette thought she wanted to. The only problem was Tina didnt want to go in the direction of another. Tina had been struggling so much with her fear that Bette might go back to another, but what she just heard stopped that struggle instantly. But still, this was not the Bette that she was with six months ago. Had she changed that much? IF YOU GET IT DO YOU STILL WANT IT . . . . .by SEAHURST)

(.Tina and Bette had been sitting in silence for a couple moments when the waiter arrived with their food. After he left the women picked up their forks and locked eyes before starting to eat. Looking at Bette, Tina was feeling a surge of something . . .what? She wasnt sure what it was . . .sympathy, for sure, but God, please dont tell me that I am feeling a bit of jealousy. All these years, I just wanted her to be happy, so why would I be jealous when I find out that she actually was happy. That was something for her to think about when she way lying in bed alone tonight. Bette, tell me about your life with Nica and Milaine.. . . . . Tinas eyes filled with tears. She couldnt believe how open and sincere Bette was being, and with such ease. It had always been Bettes downfall, her inability to express her true feelings. . . . That somehow by opening herself up it showed a weakness in character. But this woman in front of her was totally comfortable with expressing herself verbally . . . Tina was feeling her body and her heart reacting in a way it had not done in some time . . .with love and a sense of pride for the person Bette had become. IF IT WAS MEANT TO BE . . . . . by SEAHURST)

(I dont know you Sea Horse, but I know that my addiction to romance novels at an early age was refueled by the stories you amazingly were able to create simultaneously. I cant believe that anyone who followed your writing from the beginning could not be enamored with the plot line and so totally hooked by your words – searching the site for the next installment to see what is going to happen – Seattle or New York??? Elaine or Bette?? And when are they ever going to have *****, *****, *****, ***** !! You and so many of the others have made me the pathetic, driveling, lying addict I am proud to be today and I dont know how to thank you.)

************************************************************************

I sit in a chair at the end of the bed dressed for work just watching K sleep. As always, I am amazed at the way she lies so peacefully, so content. She and I stayed up late last night reading FAN FIC stories, preparing me for my session with Dr. Addiction today. I just have a feeling that the good doctor is going to drill me on the writings to which I am so pathetically hooked. K helped me get ready but simply listening. She doesnt dispense much advice but is so attentive and understanding that her just being there with me made me feel like I was ready to face Dr. Repp.

It was a good night, too. BOTH my early addictions had posted chapters and I was absolutely euphoric. SHE hadnt posted for what seemed like forever – same excuse — writers cramp, block, busy, whatever. But THE OTHER one never fails to deliver – an excellent chapter, made me squeal with delight, made me wet with the *****-like ***** stuff — gawd I am so helplessly addicted – I love them both. But the most delicious thing about last night was that not only had those two posted, but also ALL of my favorites were on board! It was like a dream – I knew that K and I would not get much sleep.

I continued to watch K for a few more minutes. If I was going to be late for work today, it would not be because I was sitting in front of the computer. In two minutes the coffee maker would complete its cycle and I will leave K some type of flavored java in her favorite Three Stooges mug on the nightstand by the bed. I will leave her a thank you note for all her help last night – Im not big on mush so there wont be a smiley face or little hearts all over it. Ill tell her that I cut up some fruit and left it for her in the fridge.
When I walk out the door in a minute, I walk out with the confidence I need to face another day knowing I am loved. Just not knowing why.

Facing the good doctor today was something I am actually looking forward to. I am prepared to apologize first thing for the way I had behaved last time telling her I wanted to bend her over her desk and ***** her right there. Yea, that was unnecessary–probably revealed a little too much about myself as well. I am ready to admit I need help with the addiction but only as a ploy in a attempt to get the good doctor to watch The Show and read the FANFIC stories on her own. That mind bender needs to be shown the way to L and no one better around to lead her down that addictive path than yours truly, moi.

When I arrived at her office, there would be no waiting around. She stood at her office door holding it open as I walked into the outer waiting area. Am I late, Doc, I asked, not wearing a watch to check the time.

No, no, not at all, Beach. Youre right on time. Come on in.

As I entered her office I saw a Mt.Dew and a pack of half eaten little powdered donuts on her desk. Nice breakfast there Doc, I commented with just a bit of sarcasm. She smiled and made no attempt to reply.

(~~***** ~~~~ this ***** is GOOD. She has to know something is up – being there for me when I arrive, opening and holding the door for me – putting me on the defensive when I am SO prepared to take the offensive and attack. SHE IS GOOD. And whats with the Dew and donuts? She definitely has something up her pretty little sleeve.~~~~)

Have a seat, she extends her arm towards one of the two leather chairs opposite hers across the desk.

Uumm, you dont mind if I lie on the couch today, do you Doc? I think I will be able to speak more freely if I am lying down with one of those pillows over my eyes.

Again she smiled and made no attempt to reply verbally, but merely pointed to the matching leather couch. I sat down and looked at her, locking eyes as we did during the last session which got me into trouble. I shook my head slightly and looked down at the floor.

So, was all she managed to say before I interrupted with my apology.

Wait, Doc, before we start with anything today, I really want to tell you how sorry I am for my little outburst at the end of the last session. I am still stinging with embarrassment every time I think about what I said. It was uncalled for and not really what I had on my mind at all. I think I just wanted to shock you and . . .

And before I could finish she interrupted me . . .

Beach, please, no need for any apologies. This office is like Vegas -what happens here stays here and nothing you could do or say would shock me. I want you to be honest with your thoughts and feelings and words; thats really the only way we are going to make real progress. So, your apology is totally unnecessary but so graciously accepted. I think that was a very courageous thing to do, probably something very difficult for you . I am extremely proud of you at this moment.

For the second time in two weeks I felt my face burn red with embarrassment while sitting the good doctors office .Only this time it was a good kind of embarrassment, if that is possible.

Jeez, Doc, Im turning red here. . .enough already, I reply as I slide back and lie down on the couch covering my face with a small pillow near the sofas arm. Let her rip, Doc, Im ready for you today.

Now, Beach, last time you said you were happily married, and I am thinking that it might be a good idea to have your wife join us for a session or two.

(~~IS SHE ***** CRAZY?? The thought of K all sexed up sitting lying on this leather sofa masturbating, winking, giving me the thumbs up sign, while I bend you over and Bette ***** your brains out leaving no doubt as to who your daddy is–well — is definitely not a good idea. NO WAY- NOW HOW~~~).

Uh, ya know Doc, Im not sure we want to go there. My wife is very supportive of what I am going through; we get along fine. I just dont see any need to bring her in on this. So can I pass on that suggestion?

Im not saying that it is something we should definitely do, but lets not dismiss the idea of her joining us at some time in the future, OK?

The good doctor began her interrogation and I was a little disappointed that she once again she focused much of her attention on my work habits, miscues, failings during the past week. Granted, a condition of my employment is to attend these sessions, but I would have preferred to chat about BnT, the SHOW and the FAN FIC stories, since I was so prepared to do that.. But I played along and was as honest as I could be.

After nearly an hour, she shifted back into that teacher-mode, handing out homework assignments like I was some kind of junior high student.

Lets set a goal for this week, Beach, and devise several ways to help achieve it. Alright?

I guess, if you say so.

How many days are you working this week? she asked taking notes as she had done during the entire session.

Well, I am being forced to work my day off, so looks like 6.

OK then, I want you to be ON TIME for work at least 4 of those 6. Since you were late everyday last week, being on time over 60% of your schedule is not only admirable for you but quite achievable.

OK, Ill try.

I want you to set your morning alarm 30 minutes earlier and log off 30 minutes earlier in the evening. It seems this addiction is pretty intense and maybe we should try to change your behavior to control it a little better than try to totally eliminate the source of the addiction.

That sounds fair and reasonable. I think I can do that. Now can you do something for me doc?

Ill try, Beach. What is it that you have in mind?

Showtime is rerunning the first season of L and I was hoping that you would actually watch it so you could understand my problem a little better. Its not like Im a crack head asking you to smoke a spoon or two with me. But I would just feel a little more comfortable knowing you knew what I know.

That sounds like a reasonable request, Beach. Ill do my best to catch the next episode.
Now, you work on those two little tasks of your own and well see you next week.

Before I walked out of her office, I slipped the web site address of the FAN FIC stories on her desk. I know she will see it – I know she will go there. L is irresistible.

I was actually feeling pretty good about the session with Dr. Repp and Im pretty sure I was smiling when I got into the elevator to exit the building. A rather elegant, yet old woman was already inside patiently waiting for me to enter and the car to continue its descent to the parking garage. As long as I have lived in this area, you would think that I would grow accustom to the aging population — Gods little waiting room — is everyone over the age of 80 in this town? We nodded in polite acknowledgement to each other then I turned and pushed L.

I heard a slight gasp from her as she watched me squash a spider that had crawled dangerously close to my shoe. Bending over with a Kleenex in hand I scraped the arthropod off my black leather New Balance and showed it to her.

See this spot right there, I pointed to the dead eight-legged creature as she leaned in to take a peek. Thats a mark indicative of a black widow, a very poisonous spider. Although they are not indigenous to this area, it is not uncommon for them to show up just about anywhere. Had that thing bitten you or me neither of us would have made it to the lobby to call for help. Boom, fall-over dead on the spot.

The woman looked at me as if I were a moron. But I knew that look – it was the look of someone astounded at the trivial knowledge my steel-trap mind held. She was mesmerized at my intelligence, at being confronted by the Beach Nut. I almost felt sorry for her – I should have just given her an autograph and dismissed her disapproving looks at my spider slaughter. But after years of working with the general public I never underestimate their stupidity.

I crumpled the Kleenex with the dead spider in it and put it in my pocket. Making small talk with the woman I asked who she was here to see. Said she was headed to Dr. Graves office . . The well-known gynecologist who specialized in sexually transmitted diseases. I certainly am not one to judge others but I couldnt resist commenting especially after her attitude about me and the spider and the ungratefulness she exhibited at my saving her life.

Im ashamed of you, I said. Although not surprised the way Viagra is being dispensed like candy to the older male population you women are basically defenseless against their aggression. No wonder so many of you are developing ***** related ailments. Shame on you.

Again she gave me that you are a ***** moron look and again I knew where she was really coming from. Little did I know where she was really going as she exited the elevator. That was Dr. Graves wife just coming to give him a ride home. . . .


TBC . . .