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Daily, together and apart # 22
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Previously
Tina was watching the streets, the sky, the night passengers. The comes and goes.
The door sound. That’s it, her mind shot. Before she turned. Tina had to close her eyes tight to the weight of her thought, also a wish, a demanding need, an ultimate request to God, in a word: “Please…”
Her eyes traveled from the window to her daughter to the door, which was opening.
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Her eyes could see, nonetheless, Bette was still some way blind. She didn’t know where her conscious, body and soul had been hidden or when they learned to be able to act individually, cause she felt they were going to very different places. Bette couldn’t keep them together. It was hard to focus. Hard. Harder. More.
It was a spark.
The voice.
That voice still can command her.
A fiery particle.
This woman still could warm Bette.
The carmine mouth from flames pulsing words of life.
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Bette was treading a path that she didn’t know by heart. It was like being submerged. No. It was more like absorbed. A profound sense of peace. Once her life was a battle camp. Now there is the feeling of a complete absence of war or any kind of hostility. A state of tranquility.
She was serene.
There was a warm, a distinguished liveliness.
The pleasantly zestful: breath.
She felt, herself, far distant down. In. but also: coming from. Leaving. Abandoning. Forsaking.
The darkness.
The darkness being slowly exchanged/extinguished for.
Light.
Her eyes met the light like an old dear love from the youth, or just maybe the soulmate you lose for social conventions. It would take ten seconds to recognize the unforgettable shared, the memories lived with that one, but it would take a second to feel like they were never apart. Still heart to heart.
Eyes and light.
It was hurtful, but, also, deep, sweet desired. And what moved us far ahead from ourselves wasn’t desire? " One must no lose desire. They are the mighty stimulants to creativeness, to love and to long life. "
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1 – “Am I in love? – Yes, since I am waiting. The other never waits. Sometimes I -want to play the part of the one who doesn’t wait; I try to busy myself elsewhere, to arrive late; but… – wait –
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I’m so glad to know that Bette is going to make it, and that she was call for ‘T” and “Boo”. Maybe if and when Jodi gets their the doctor can mention that. Lets hope Bette wakes up first to Tina.
Wheww, you had me scared for awhile about Bette. But now there is a new worry, jodi. I guess that means that jodi is still in the picture. Bummer, I was hoping that she was no longer around and that Bette and Tina could slowly work back into each other’s lives as friends, lovers and wives.
… still late… :-)… finally found the courage to read your chapter ;-)) I was just like Alice : jumping up and down in joy that Bette was saved… it was beautiful… and Roland Barthes really had a way with words (even in translation…) now, keep rolling for the reunion with Tina, please… I want LOVE…. and more… please ! (Helene, the froggy)…
Well I think Therese’s novel of a comment said it all. LMAO Sadly I’m too lazy to read it. XD Anyway, I’m all caught up FINALLY and like your other story, this one better have a happy ending. *raising right brow* hehe
Hey Braz, babe, I think you forgot to post the rest of this.. Too short! But beautifully written. Of course I’m reading your story.. It’s gripping and it’s fantastic. Thanks for posting, this truly was brilliant! Post soon, hun. ADx
Brilliant :D Keep going, great story :)
Hello darling! It’s a thrill to see this posted now, so I can finally provide a “formal” comment. You know my personal feelings, and how deep they go. The depth of your writing is amazing. The depth of the writer even more so. To proofread your stories, is truly a breeze, because you write so well, and it requires VERY little effort from myself, and few changes. Yes, there is a small language barrier, which I tweak the words a bit. Some of the words bring a smile to my face, because its just too damn cute how it reads when the written word remains. Braz, you ARE a writer that makes me think, that moves me, and who’s personal interaction, advice, and insight outside of the stories has been equally if not more valuable. Thanks for all of that my friend. The other story……Ohhhhh just wait till the readers actually read that one. It is absolutely …just….um…..THUD!!!! Delicious! Delectible! Satisfying!
Ah, Braz. Another fabulous installment. Loved kit’s comment about “asskicking”. I think someone needs to practice some ass-kicking on IC. Man there are some great B & T stories on Fan-fic these days that could have S5 all wrapped up in a neat little love bundle for our Tibette. Yours would definitely be at the top of my list. I really hope there are FF spies that are taking some notes and passing them off as their own. Nothing wrong with a little plagarism if it fixes up our girls. Great job braz, PPS
SHE WILL LIVE!!EXCELLENT!! I have just arranged for world peace which should commence shortly and I am sure your life is already happier now that you have written this chapter.Although slightly disappointed that the B&T sleepover has been postponed indefinately I am sure you will humour us with a romantic flashback. Whatever you do just keep on posting your greeat story.
God, this is so…i don’t know…deep, for lack of a better word. I’m just glad Bette is alive…so far…PPS, this story is truly amazing
Your writing is like poetry. It truly is amazing and breathtaking. I’m so glad Bette is going to be fine. Great job.
I´m your body guard and body guards are always loyal to their bosses!:D You don´t need to thank me for reading your story it´s my pleausure! Florbela Espanca my dad loves that women´s poems! She is just brilliant! And thank you for not kill Bette! And know you just need to put Bette and Tina togethere and put Kit kicking Jodi´s ass!xDGreat chapter and PPS
I have been waiting patiently but anxiously. You write about waiting (BTW beautiful passages) and u make us wait a whole WEEK for ur posts:)Just love this storyPPS
Well done, I am glad
Thanks for your nice reply. Also thanks for Bette is alive. Bette will truly make it – right?! This chapter has also strong emotional Scenes – great writing. Has stirred me deeply. Now please, let Jodi go to hell. Because Bette will always call only after Tina. This will show Jodi that Bette’s whole hearts loves her T. Please post very soon. Love your Story.
OH MY GOSH!!!!Braz you are soooo bad!!!(totaly blushing)ROFLMAOOOOO!!! babe nobody was behind me,for real!!! U are just,soooo bad(*shaking head&laughing*)Wow thanx for the update,I’ve been waiting.Thought something bad had happend.Thanx for posting,babe!!!(Silly Braz!!!)
God, god, since I read what you so gently wrote to me, yesterday, I cannot stop to feel deeply moved and truly touched… I’m a fountain reading it again and again, for it’s at the same time so hard and so relieving for me… Please be patient, for it will take time for me to answer you the way I want to do – and no doubt it will be a PM. Just know for now that I’m so much grateful to you for such a moving message, especially at this very moment of my life : the process that took me a year to do and that will find its most essential part next week. The last years of my life began with a depression I fought – and still fight – the best I could, but this huge, intense depression now appears me like the most precious thing that ever happened to me, for I’m only becoming myself, really myself, since the beginning of this one-year process. Well, as you certainly already guessed, it’s about my own coming out : with myself at first, finally stopping to lie to myself by a lifetime self-protection process (and Bette’s character is so similar to mine on this aspect), than with the professionals that helped me – and still help me – on few particular problems. At January, I made the most difficult step (there’s no words to describe what I felt doing it) confessing my true feeelings to my own “Carol” through the 60 pages writing I gave to my doctor one year ago to express everything I never expressed all my life. She was more than marvellous, taking care of me in such a toughtful and tender way, feeling so happy and proud about me. In fact, she told me how she knew it for a long time but wished to let me do the process at my own rythm – and I can say she’s as relieved as me now ! I was so terrified to spoil our so long and deep friendship, but at the very contrary we’re closer than ever and, god, that’s priceless… Then, after her, I broke the closet for everybody in my intimate circle – the last time was two weeks ago, with a dear friend of apprenticeship and then we all celebrated my “new birth” at the restaurant ! Believe me, to break this way, one after one, each wall I put around me since childhood was such a relieving but painful thing to do. But above all, I slowly discovered my pride again, being fully myself for the very first time of my life… Oh, it never was a shame’s feeling that blocked me this way for so long, not at all. The huge problem, something that came from all the troubles and humiliations I had to bear from childhood because I had too much differences (outside as well as inside), was not to realize I was attracted to girls but to not feel ridiculous falling in love when I considered myself like such a total failure in every possible ways : love became a word I couldn’t dare to think about when it was related to me, as simple as that. Even now, after such a fight and close achievement (coming out to my mother, next week, will be the last – but not least ! – step of my process), I cannot imagine to inspire other feelings than sympathy or friendship. Remember Cyrano, with his huge complexe about his nose ? That’s exactly my problem, not accepting me physically. It’s so easy for pretty girls to imagine to be loved ! Well, I know I’m not a Quasimodo (!) but still, I couldn’t say I’m spoiled by nature : just the overweight girl-next-door with secret qualities one shall take time to know ! A woman one can appreciate, like a lot, give his/her trust to, but definitly not one could fall in love with. Lucidity isn’t pessimism, even if the border is weak ! *** Well, well, I realize I was finally able to tell a lot more than I thought I could in such a public place – I don’t stop progressing and surprise myself ! (*wink*) Still, there will be things I will let you know in a PM as soon as I could. For now, since you so kindly told me about “your” movie, I will let you know mine, the one that opened my eyes 5 years ago, before my depression, simply because it remembered me so much of my collegian friendship with “my Carol” (and since she watched it, she told me how much it had the same moving effect on her) : Peter Jackson’s Heavenly Creatures. I discovered this movie Europe doesn’t know a lot thanks to my huge crush and faithful admiration for the so endearing Miss Winslet, so thank you Kate for such a gift ! (*grin*) There was so much of me in Pauline’s character – well, of course not about the criminal part ! Right after this life altering shock, I slowly began my self-discovering and self-acceptation through other movies like the “historical” Desert Hearts and books like “The Price of Salt / Carol” (well, I also read it again, once more, because of you !) or “Annie in my mind”. And then came The L Word and this wonderful site, where a lot of stories brought me so much help and comfort – especially during my worst depressive years. I will always remember the very first fanfic I felt so touched by : it was MoreThan Satisfied’s The Roomates – a B&T beginning at the campus, just the one I needed to be moved ! Than came one of the most beautiful stories I ever read here : Seahurst pure masterpiece’s If It Meant to be. Since this moment, I never stopped to daily check for my favorite authors’ stories and adding new authors in my list with huge pleasure ! Chicky became an exemple for me, not only through her wonderful talent (I’m so deeply moved by her current one, No Other Love, that I still didn’t find courage enough to comment it the way I would want to do), but above all through her courage and true empathy and, of course, through Ness and her’s amazing love story we all witnessed with such a joy. I know it’s strange, but this very sincere admiration for her made me feel too intimidated to comment her stories, even being the faithful reader of them I always was. If ever you, dear Braz, could make her read what I just expressed, I would be very happy… *** Well, I have to end this river-comment now or I will erase it !! (*wink & smile*) Just know how much your answer means to me, as well as the feeling that you and I obviously share the same love for arts. Cinema is the second biggest passion of my life (with a special weakness for Silver years), after Litterature – especially the 19th century’s one. Then I especially love music and History – and… writing ! Yessss, I know what you’re thinking right now ! Well, truth to be tell, I even began a B&T story few months ago, but it was so sad I wasn’t able to continue. See, I almost posted something, so stop to frown this way !! (*wink*). I’ll let you now with this quote from one of my favorite writers, Edmond Rostand, I always especially loved – and to which your Mandino’s quote made me think about : “It is when night prevails that it’s fine to believe in the Light” (from Chantecler). Many, many thanks to you, my dear Braz !! ^_^
Loved the update, I was on the edge of my chair! PPS
Thanks god Bette was alive and safe. Now let B&T get back together and be a family again. Please post more, thanks. So glad to catch up with this story and loving it, thanks!