“I just … I just … I just want my life back.”

Bette was admittedly a control freak but to her way of thinking you had to be in order to get things done. She didn’t relinquish control very often but if she did there were primarily two people that she gave it over to; Tina and Peggy Peabody.

“May I accept that things will not always go as I would have imagined; may I accept that my hard time will certainly pass; may I find a practice that helps me to know; may I find stillness; may I find quiet; may I find the resolve; may I find peace that helps dispel this suffering.”

The ten days at the silent retreat served Bette well. She left there far more enlightened and better able to handle everything that was afoot in her personal and professional life. Peggy had cautioned Bette not to take on too much and to ask for help if needed but as usual Bette had over extended herself. The high profile job at the CAC; taking full financial responsibility for her family so Tina could concentrate on having a baby; the unsuccessful inseminations; the anxiety over the donor searches; the realization that after almost a year of trying she and Tina were not ready to start a family; Faye Buckley’s personal attack on her moral character, and the threat to her livelihood; Tina’s declaration that she had emerging feelings for men; and finally the breakup of their seven year marriage had all taken their toll. Being away helped her to recuperate physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. She came home with a fresh perspective on things. She’d accepted that her life had taken an unexpected turn and now she had to deal with the changes.

***

Bette returned home from the retreat late on the Sunday night that Tina and Henry consummated their new sexual relationship. She took a cab from the airport because she didn’t want to bother Kit or any of her friends at that late hour. When she got home she was surprised to see Kit’s car in the driveway and Shane sitting on her doorstep. She immediately panicked thinking that something was wrong and of course her first thought was of Tina.