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Boundary Between Fear and Love – Chapter 5
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I softly touch her cheek, Dane, Im kidding, Baby. Her face lights up and my heart melts. Every damn time, and it just melts. Yeah, come on, park this thing, I want to get you inside.
She just grins at me and puts her full attention to getting the car parked and us inside. She is handy that way. She can be very singularly focused. I follow her up the stairs leading to her front door. Every time I see that door Im reminded of that morning. 4 am. What the ***** was I thinking? I mean it was good thing, look where I am now. But, so unlike me, to put myself so far out there. Its strange, Ive been up these steps hundreds of time since, but I cant forget those first few nerve wracking moments deciding what to say, then words failing me, again, not like me, I kissed her. Then came the torturous ten seconds that felt like a lifetime just standing there, looking at the ground, occasionally looking up at Dana waiting for some response. Those sweet, trusting eyes so confused. But then she kissed me. And she really did. My world changed at that moment. My entire world. I couldnt go back after that. I couldnt fight what had been there all along but I was too scared or maybe too stubborn to act on or to a point even acknowledge.
That is a moment that when I am old and have lost all ability of rational thought and cant remember my own name, I will still recall with precise detail. It was the moment my past showed me what my future would be. It was the moment that I knew that every action in my life up till then, every pain, every hurt, every laugh and every tear had a purpose. To prepare me and make the person I was at that moment so that I could appreciate what was happening to me and be able to live it. One less hurt, one less tear, I might not have been able to kiss her, I might not have even gone there. All of this might not have happened.
But that moment is also the problem. Right there. Every fear, insecurity and nut job moment Ive had. That feeling is the cause. For the first time in my life, I let myself have something good enough to lose. Something that if lost, would cause me irreparable damage. I could never be the same. Up until that moment, I have kept myself pretty safe. I played the middle really well. I cared enough to enjoy things and people and even enough to cry when I was hurt or sad. But not enough to really affect me. I am good at keeping that part of me hidden. With Dana, there was no safety. Its all or nothing and that nothing scares the ***** out of me. But the all, wow, who knew life could feel that good.
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I know I already told you this but it can’t be said enough. Nobody writes Alice better than you, I would gladly take your version of Danish over the one on TV. You have just made my day.
There was a lot that I liked about this chapter, but I’m just going to comment on the three I loved best.
1. in the recap from the last chapter with the Alice POV of how people get over the novelty of her quickly. Aw.
2. The Dana being more touchy feely than usual. Yes! So spot-on. Dana is the less touchy-feely person whereas Alice IS more tactile. I loved that
3. “You gave that back to me” and that entire discussion on Dana’s childhood home lacking warmth and Alice’s insecurities about her ability to be a good mother.
There was more, and I’ll probably go back and comment more on that, but eh, this is it for now. And thanks for the comment in my journal!
Sulkygeek – thank you – and I so stole the Bette in dirty clothes from you – but I loved it and had to use it. Sorry!
I feel like I’m reading Alice’s journal right now…the way that way you portray Alice is perfect. Her words, thoughts, insecurities, strengths, actions–it’s absolutely Alice.
My favorite line is, “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes for just a minute. You’d never doubt yourself again.” I’ve always thought that to be true in life. Possibly the best portrayal of Danish–Showtime should hire you. Post soon!!
I love this story. I look forward to your updates. How I wish we would see something similar to this in S3 (never hurts to wish, even though the other writers have me liking the Helacious!). Thanks for giving us a version of Danish without the spoiler issues. Great writing.
you are the best fanfic writer of all time – please post soon. and drowning too. i am addicted to your stories.
I couldnt stay away any longer, I had to read this chapter! This story is so much fun, I love Alice’s thoughts. “She’s handy that way.” For some reason that one had me cracking up lol.
“dana doesn’t need any glasses.” No but you know she’d look hot in them. :P
You never disappoint me, ever in angs chapters. For my happiness this is not the case, beautiful. Thanks. And I agree people do dumb things a lot, but I need to believe in the humanity :P, that is called utopia and I know IC doesn’t know it, but for that exist the fanfiction.
Loved it, especially Dana’s speech at the end.
love the way you ended the chapter with alice accepting dana’s love and how dana is there just innocently loving her. dang insecurities. thanks for sharing the song too, it’s really nice. you’re doing great and this is one of the stories i really look forward to reading updates on. love it!
Wow, lucia, I thought you couldn’t better the last chapter, but you did! The way you write Alice’s POV is awesome, so apprehensive and cutting. It’s really well-observed and beautifully written. Thanks for posting.
beautiful