‘Ok’

Bette looked up from her hands and saw Tina get up from the hearth. Although she would never admit it allowed Bette felt a huge relief wash over her, she wasn’t ready. That was the truth. Things had moved so fast…she never thought her life would make all these turns, like she was some drunk driver. And there were other concerns running through her mind…she had her own life and shit she had to do. For a brief second a wave of anger went through her also. What was Tina thinking? Did she think Bette was at her beck and call? Bette knew it was a pride thing, but her pride had a way of getting its’ way.

      She forgot all of this when she stood up and actually turned to Tina. God…she was reminded why things turned out like they did. There was no way she could resist a person like Tina..y? Tina was one of a very few people who could make Bette feel helpless and unsure of herself. Bette was stuck her hands in her pockets. For a minute or so nobody said anything, there was a chasm of blank space between them. In that blank space the very next action would decide the course of their courtship. Bette knew this, she realized that by ‘rejecting’ Tina’s advances for the time being in order to ‘get to know her better’  might make some women beat her ass down and others to nod and say ‘mmmm’. Every organ in her started to quiver and she sat down. In the space of seconds Bette summarized her life thus far…

….she is basically divorced from her husband because of an affair with the woman before her, she sold the house..lives in an apartment close to work, work is fine, and well…there wasn’t much that was disorganized externally. Internally however Bette felt like she was stuck in a dryer machine. She still cared for her ex-husband…Paxton…that won’t ever change. She couldn’t disregard the years they were in love. But this woman…this Tina…Bette knew it was a mistake to have an affair with her while married, no question about that. And that rush of….tearing their clothes off and having rough sex or kissing gently and slowly making love…that rush was still on Bette’s mind. But she just didn’t want to do that all over again, Bette was now ‘free’…free to pursue whom she liked, and she chose Tina. She wanted to start over fresh and clean with an actual courtship this time. Suddenly a flood of romantic ideas flooded her…she wanted to take Tina out and buy her dinner, wanted to get her flowers and gifts and massage her feet and hold her hand and write her poetry…was the world so alienated that people couldn’t just be romantic????  Bette wanted go old-school…but reality was different.. Their situation was much more difficult to pin down, and flowers wouldn’t solve much. They couldn’t disregard the fact that they now have a past…a past of a two week fuck-spree. Was this love? There are many forms she knew, but could two people who got in as much shit as they did…be together? Bette just wanted to be together, that’s all she wanted. Her life was cake up till now.

“Bette?”

Bette looked up, expecting to be told to fuck off.

“I understand..you know?”, Tina stepped forward and sat down beside Bette on the couch, “I understand…I actually, and want to take it slow too…and to be honest at first when we first started to have sex..you know I thought it wasn’t going to have this much…baggage…but we developed feelings for each other and now have the freedom and space to act on it in a…good way”

Bette wanted to kiss her feet. But she smiled and cocked her head…”we’ll do our best T…we have lots to learn you know..about each other, about..umm..gay..er..lesbian life, if there is that or something..umm..yeah…you know I just want to be with you all the time and share everything, that’s what I want”

“That’s what I want too”

“yea..well..umm-” She was interrupted by the sight of Tina’s lips zooming in on her own. Bette closed her eyes and felt a gentle shock, the shock of romance, desire, love, and chaos.  They kissed again and Bette took Tina’s hand,turned it over and grazed her lips on the underside of T’s wrist.

“I’ll call you”.