Everything changed alright, and not in the way I would have liked.

When I wake up in the morning I can feel the smile on my face as my arm searches blindly for Spencer in her usual spot next to me. The smile is short lived however when I open my eyes and realise that Spencer had moved during the night and was now at the bottom of my bed. Not only was she at the bottom of the bed, but she was sitting up looking at me blankly. I know I’m barely awake, but I’m not taking that as a good sign.

“Morning.” I say to her as I prop myself up.

“We kissed last night.”

“I remember.” I couldn’t help but smile as I said this, which got me a soft smile from Spencer in return.

The rest of the morning went on like any other, I made Spencer breakfast, we watched some TV, she got ready to make her way home. Before she left though she decided it best to talk about what happened with us last night, in some crazy round-about way that really got to the point of nothing.

“So we kissed.” She starts.

“Yeah.”

“What does this mean?” Oh fuck me! My insides were screaming for joy. Was this her finally wanting to start up a relationship with me?

“What do you want it to mean?” I gently probed.

“I don’t think we should do it again. This took our friendship to some stupid next level and I don’t want to visit that place. I’m not a lesbian, I’m really not. Don’t think I’m in denial about that because I’m not. But…are you?” I think I just died.

“Erm…no….no I’m not.” No no, still alive, just. I barely managed to croak out, without lifting my gaze from the floor.

“Alright then.”

“But why?” I asked.

“Why what?”

“Why did you go along with it?”

“I was trying to comfort you, after everything with your mum.”

“No. No that wasn’t it. You kissed me back!” I said brokenly.

“I only did that because I thought if I didn’t then you wouldn’t talk to me, and things would be weird between us.” I can’t believe she’s trying to brush it off like that, like I forced it on her. It wasn’t like that, I know she wanted it too, I just know it.