Ch. 10

                Ashley mulled over her emotions as she threw her teammate a fastball. All she could think of was Jenny. How her first love had taken her heart and soul and destroyed Ashley by leaving her one day. From that day on, Ashley told herself that to fuck like a boy so I don’t get played like a bitch. She had always stuck to her newfound mantra after Jenny, and she never once had thought twice about it until now. There was something about Spencer Carlin that made Ashley feel guilty about her promiscuous ways. Still, that didn’t altogether deter her from putting Spencer Carlin on her to do list. Maybe it was Spencer’s naïve and innocent ways…Ashley knew all too well that Spencer would be crushed whens he realized that Ashley Davies was a heartbreaker. Then again, it was because Ashley’s heart was broken as well, and misery loves company. Ashley was just spreading the misery. Ashley flashed a fake smile at Spencer towards the bleachers when she noticed the girl and her friend cheering when she threw a perfect curveball. Ashley didn’t feel like being nice or sincere right now because Jenny had left her altogether too angry and devastated. She swallowed a lump in her throat when she thought back to that night…

        Ashley and Jenny had just finished making love in Ashley’s bed, and Ashley was covering jenny’s neck with soft butterfly kisses as they both basked in the afterglow of sex. “I love you.” Ashley whispered in Jenny’s ear, her voice hoarse from being rather vocal a while ago. “Me too.” Jenny replied, turning onto her side. “You’re my everything.” Ashley crooned, placing hickies on Jenny’s neck while rubbing her arm. “I’d do anything for you, Jenny. I’d die for you.”Ashley said, professing her love. “No you wouldn’t. Don’t say things you don’t mean, Ash.” “I’m serious.” Ashley said, slightly hurt that Jenny questioned her sincerity. “Listen, Ash. I’m going to be going to college soon. It’s gonna be hard….trying to be together. I don’t know how we can make this work.” Jenny said, pushing Ashley away. “What are you trying to say?” Ashley asked, her voice cracking from fear. “What I’m saying is that I can’t do this anymore.” Jenny said, getting up and putting her clothes back on. Ashley felt as if she was rooted to the spot; her voice died in her throat as she tried to call out Jenny’s name. She simply sat there in bed and watched her love slip out the door and descend down the doors before she snapped out of her trance and chased after her. “Jenny!”Ashley cried, throwing on a robe quickly as she caught jenny at the door. “Please. Don’t do this.” She begged, holding the girl in her arms. “Tell me this is just a problem we’re having and we’ll get over it tomorrow.” She whispered quietly. “No. It’s not.” Jenny said finally. “I can’t do this anymore, Ash. It’s better that we break up now before I go to make things easier.” Ashley released Jenny from her grasp and sat down on her doorstep, dumbfounded. She watched as the girl drove off without another word. It was getting late and soon started drizzling as Ashley sat there on her doorstep feeling as if someone had just stabbed her in the heart and then ripped it out. The light drizzle eventually turned into a downpour, and soon Ashley couldn’t determine whether the water running down her face was from her own tears or from the rain. It seemed as if the heavens were crying for her. She sat out in the freezing rain until her skin turned numb and she wasn’t even aware of the fact that she was drenched and that it was frigid outside. By sunrise next morning, Ashley was a changed girl. She was a lot less naïve and infinitely sadder than who she was yesterday. She had made up her mind that Jenny was the first and last girl she would ever cry over.

Maybe it was because Spencer somewhat reminded Ashley of herself before Jenny broke her heart. In that case, Ashley was Spencer’s “Jenny”. Or about to become that anyhow. Last night with Jenny was wonderful while they were together, but afterwards the pain of not being able to be with her came back worse than ever. Tears welled up in Ashley’s eyes and she chucked the ball with all her might, almost pegging Amanda on the leg. “Sorry!” she called out before storming off the field. Ashley slammed her gym locker shut with all her might before sliding down to the floor in a sobbing heap. It had been over a year, and yet she still hadn’t run out of tears for Jenny.  After a couple minutes of pitiful sobbing, Ashley managed to get a hold of herself and settle down. Silent tears slid their way down her cheeks as she stared off into space. Suddenly she heard someone coming into the locker room and she slowly got up on her feet. “Ashley?” a familiar voice called out. “Are you okay?”