“Uhhhhh…”

Spencer felt her muscles clench as Ashley’s fingers pushed in and out and soon Spencer’s body was shaking with exhaustion.  Ashley slid her hand out as she helped Spencer over to the bed. She tucked Spencer in and climbed in next to her not saying anything as she listened to the sounds of Spencer breathing softly. 

‘What the hell just happened?’ thought Spencer as she felt Ashley wrap her arms around her tightly.  Her body was still processing the sex along with the fight they had and truthfully she was ready to just sleep given her mentally exhausted state.  Ashley on the other hand was kicking herself for the way she just treated Spencer.  Ashley propped herself up on an elbow and looked at Spencer.

“I’m sorry…”

“What the hell was that Ash?”

Ashley sighed and ran one hand through her unruly curls.  She sat up and looked down at Spencer with a sad look on her face.

“Look there’s something you should know about me.  I hate the holidays.  I hate the fake cheeriness…the way people pretend like it was such a great year and hope for an even better next one…but really…I hate it because the holidays mean a new year is coming.  Another 365 days of crap…of countless fights with my mom…never knowing if she even cares…not knowing if I’m going to see her at all…”

She paused and sighed again before looking up at the ceiling and taking another deep breath before continuing.

“And then there’s my dad.  A new year means another year when I’ll probably have five real conversations with him…a ridiculously extravagant birthday present three months late…and worst of all…I’ll spend a good portion of next year wondering if this is the year he is going to make the effort…call me up, come visit, take an interest ya know?  I hate the holidays Spence…its just full of false hopes.”

“I’m sorry Ash…that really sucks…how come you didn’t tell me before?”

“Because before I could just medicate.  You know.  Drink til the pain stops and there’s nothing left.  I guess I thought I could handle it with you here.  But I guess I just chose to medicate in another way…”

Spencer looked at Ashley in understanding.  Ashley looked at Spencer with apologetic eyes.

“I really am sorry Spence…sometimes I just do rather than say…all that money my mom wasted on shrinks and I still can’t just verbalize…”

Spencer sat up and pulled Ashley into her arms.  She kissed Ashley’s forehead and spoke softly into her ear.

“Ashley don’t ever feel like you can’t talk to me.  And sometimes I do need you to tell me what is going on…because when you do rather than say…it feels like your shutting me out…and that really sucks…”

Ashley couldn’t help but smile at Spencer’s last statement.  Spencer laughed a little at what she said and pulled back to look at Ashley.

“So agreed?  No more doing before saying?”

“Everything?”

“Well…”

Ashley laughed and nodded her head in understanding.  Spencer batted her eyelashes at Ashley who laughed and attacked Spencer’s ribs with her fingertips.  The two girls rolled around laughing and tickling each other and soon they were doing rather than saying exactly what they wanted because after all…sometimes talking is just plain overrated.