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    The Architecture of Falling… – (Chapter: Rupture)

    Story written on November 9, 2007 by goaskalice.
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    Genre(s): N/A
    Rating: N/A
    fanfiction(s):
    Character(s): N/A
    Number of Comments: 28
    Words: 1517
    Story Shortlink: https://mail.assertive-maroon-jellyfish.104-250-143-187.cpanel.site/?p=16770
    Author Notes:

    A different perspective. Spencer finally loses control.

    “What are you…why are you still…”

    “I fell asleep. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

    “You didn’t wake me. And besides, it’s nice. It’s nice to have you here,” she replies with a smile that almost makes me smile too. And this is what I feared, wasn’t it? That she would take my presence as an admittance of feelings that I simply do not have. Wanting to reach out and touch her as she sleeps doesn’t mean that I want her. Being unable to evacuate the confines of our post-coital bed is explained through the fact that I was simply exhausted. I’m not in love with her.

    Because I can’t be.

    I won’t allow it.

    “No, it’s not nice. It’s another really bad idea and I have to go before Kyla wakes up.”

    “I know,” she murmurs sadly.

    No matter how badly I want to leave her side, I can’t stand to leave her like this. Sad. Lonely. Defeated.

    That’s not the Ashley I’m used to. This isn’t the Ashley I grew up with.

    “Hey, I’m sorry, ok? Last night was really great. I mean, it always is with you. But let’s not give it more value that it’s worth.”

    Her face only falls that much more.

    “That’s not what I meant. It’s just that…”

    I’m at a loss for the right words, so I give my fingers permission to speak and I slowly draw an invisible line down the side of her face. The skin there is so soft that I almost lean down and press my lips against it as well.

    But I don’t. I have to exert some amount of control before this is all over.

    “I swear I don’t mean to say stuff like that. I have completely different words in my head and by the time I open my mouth all this honesty rushes out instead,” she admits, rubbing her thumb along the inside of my arm.

    “It’s ok. Don’t worry about it.”

    “Is it?”

    “It is. But it doesn’t change anything. You know that, right?”

    “Right. Because you don’t do the relationship thing.”

    “Exactly.”

    She nods her head. The action causing my fingers to slide south, resting finally and awkwardly on her chin.

    “I still have to go.”

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    Comments

    1. YES!!!! FINALLY!!! Spencer opens up. I think everybody was waiting for this. I love this story, it so many emotions and that only makes it better. PMASAP!!!!!!

    2. That was so beautiful. And a step in the right direction. Spencer admitting that she’s not okay and crying for all her losses was good. The best part was that Ashley wanted to be there for her and carry part of her load. That’s probably something that Spencer has not had much of in the past two years, finally having someone to help her carry her burden of loss. Beautifully executed.

    5. umm… i’m speechless… i have no idea how you write and portray such emotion! it’s amazes me ever single time i read your writting! this last chapter really touched me… “My secrets oozed and crept out of hiding, shivering and splitting through my tear ducts. I just deflated. She punctured a fine hole in my protective coating and I absolutely deflated, leaving behind fragments of an inadequately glued together shell of Spencer Carlin.” i looooved that line… so deep and full of emotion… oh and i checked out your myspace link and all i have to say is 415 for life haha

    7. YES!!!! FINALLY!!! Spencer opens up. I think everybody was waiting for this. I love this story, it so many emotions and that only makes it better. PMASAP!!!!!!

    8. That was so beautiful. And a step in the right direction. Spencer admitting that she’s not okay and crying for all her losses was good. The best part was that Ashley wanted to be there for her and carry part of her load. That’s probably something that Spencer has not had much of in the past two years, finally having someone to help her carry her burden of loss. Beautifully executed.

    11. umm… i’m speechless… i have no idea how you write and portray such emotion! it’s amazes me ever single time i read your writting! this last chapter really touched me… “My secrets oozed and crept out of hiding, shivering and splitting through my tear ducts. I just deflated. She punctured a fine hole in my protective coating and I absolutely deflated, leaving behind fragments of an inadequately glued together shell of Spencer Carlin.” i looooved that line… so deep and full of emotion… oh and i checked out your myspace link and all i have to say is 415 for life haha

    13. i have a feeling it may take a bit more for spencer to really give her self to ashley, so much has happened to her but now she has someone to take care of her and let her be herself without the protective shell…

    14. i have a feeling it may take a bit more for spencer to really give her self to ashley, so much has happened to her but now she has someone to take care of her and let her be herself without the protective shell…

    15. “But at the moment—at that very specific moment—that was just the way I felt. And I needed to say it. These unsaid words were setting up camp on my chest and some of them had to come off before they utterly and completely suffocated me.” WOW! You are an amazing writer. This whole chapter rocked!

    16. “But at the moment—at that very specific moment—that was just the way I felt. And I needed to say it. These unsaid words were setting up camp on my chest and some of them had to come off before they utterly and completely suffocated me.” WOW! You are an amazing writer. This whole chapter rocked!

    17. Wow… I’m so speechless right now because a tear too has fallen down my face. I think you hit a personal cord with me. I think Spencer and I are carrying similar loads of pain. Spencer has certainly stumbled on luck to at least have someone to let it all out for. However much she chooses to let out. Not everyone has that privilege of love. Wonderful writing. Still so intense. Update soon.

    18. Wow… I’m so speechless right now because a tear too has fallen down my face. I think you hit a personal cord with me. I think Spencer and I are carrying similar loads of pain. Spencer has certainly stumbled on luck to at least have someone to let it all out for. However much she chooses to let out. Not everyone has that privilege of love. Wonderful writing. Still so intense. Update soon.

    21. Poets form cryptic words to touch the deepest part of a soul; the inner beauty of each word is hidden beneath the surface and if you dig deep enough you find a treasure that can quite literally change a heart. Talented fiction writers are poets in their own right, they speak honestly from their heart, allowing their vulnerabilities to be viewed by the world and willing to sacrifice themselves to the critics of the world. You share the same gift as a poet in that you have woven your heart through this beautifully written story and touched mine…thank you.

    22. Poets form cryptic words to touch the deepest part of a soul; the inner beauty of each word is hidden beneath the surface and if you dig deep enough you find a treasure that can quite literally change a heart. Talented fiction writers are poets in their own right, they speak honestly from their heart, allowing their vulnerabilities to be viewed by the world and willing to sacrifice themselves to the critics of the world. You share the same gift as a poet in that you have woven your heart through this beautifully written story and touched mine…thank you.

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