The picture seemed impossible to her.  Spencer?  Cheat on her?  And with a man?  It was impossible and yet she had seen it with her very eyes.  Her brain went into denial.  There had to be another reason for two people to be holding each other that intimately in bed, naked…   She tried harder than ever to come up with a reason.  But all her brain could come up with was, her beautiful Spencer had cheated on her.  She had finally broken their already cracked relationship. 

I try to take a breath but I’m already choking 
Cause everywhere I look I can see how you hold him 

The brunette inhaled sharply taking in the smell of midnight wind in Los Angeles and the sea.  The sand.  It used to be so comforting and now all it did was remind her of the times she and Spencer had spent here.  But she didn’t know where else to go.  She could go to Kyla’s place but she wanted to be more in control of herself before she went sobbing to her sister.  The only person that had really seen her lose control of her emotions was Spencer.  But she couldn’t go crying to the blonde about this.  She frowned as she thought about how his arms were wrapped around the blonde’s torso.  How Spencer cradled his arm like a child to her chest.  Their fingers were interlaced.  And Spencer had looked so…peaceful.

How long till this goes away 

Angrily swiping at the tears she could only think on one way to make the pain leave her.  One way that would numb her so fast that pain would mean nothing.  She hated to admit it, but mass amounts of alcohol was the answer.  Getting to her feet she angrily kicked sand towards the sea.  That’s for making us disappear.  Silly of her to blame it on the sea, but at the time she needed to blame it on someone.  And she could not for the life of her blame Spencer.

I can’t seem to get my heart over you 
Cause you creep into everything I do 

Ashley drove to her favorite bar, she knew Sean would understand.  Sure he knew when to stop serving alcohol but given the circumstances and the fact that they were old friends.  He’d probably happily let her slip with a few extra drinks.  With on hand on the steering wheel she looked at the empty passenger seat, at the middle where the glove compartment rest.  Where she and Spencer used to rest their intertwined hands as she drove.  She remember looking over and seeing the blonde’s smiling face, the wind whipping her hair back.  As time passed Ashley blamed everything possible.  She went from the sea, to the universe, to God, to her worklife, her band, herself, the man.  Everyone and everything was put to blame.  Every little thing but Spencer.