Your voice is a ragged, pained fog, haunting me as I drive.

I came anyway, even though you begged me not to. I want that to count for something.

Desperately.

I park, as always, across the street. Clay comes out carrying a black, plastic bag. Half-heartedly, he tosses it towards the trashcan can before turning to head back inside. With my eyes on him, I get out of my Porsche, leaving the door open wide.

Perfect.

We stare at each other for a long time. In the settling twilight, I can’t read his face. I’m praying that he can read mine. I don’t want to make things worse. Not now, not tonight. He’s just outside the kitchen door, hand hovering above the knob. A few more steps and he could disappear, hide in his room and you’d never know.

I could get back into my car and drive like I used to, so fast and so far until everything disappears in moonlight and cold, biting wind, until I outrun sacred memories of gold and blue and pink. You’d never know. That’d probably be better then this, really, I think it might.

But, I want you to know.

Desperately.

I meet him halfway up the driveway by the bushes along the fence. We crouch behind her car. His voice is a quiet, stern whisper. “You should go.” My head bobs on its own, up and down, up and down. I can’t stop. He’s right. I should go. You’d never know. Not if I left now.

Perfect.

My sudden sob startles us both, but then he’s holding me and it feels so good. I’d almost forgotten. His arms tighten and I feel him shaking against me. His tears tickle as they fall, little warm drops on my shoulders and back. The neighborhood quiets to listen. We’re the only ones alive out here. Sometimes I imagine he’s my brother too.

I wish I could tell him that.

* * * * *

There’s only a few of us out here now. All of us stragglers, chasing growing shadows across cooling sand. You smile tenderly as you skirt the frothy ocean’s edge. Glancing over your shoulder, our eyes meet, but only for a moment. You turn away slowly, taking your time. There’s no rush. You know I’ll wait as long as you need.