I get out and when I get close to the door I can hear music. It’s loud so I knock fairly hard. I wait a few minutes but she doesn’t answer. I try to wait for the song to change, so in the split second of deafness I can knock, but in the middle of the chorus the song changes and I miss my chance. When I hear the music it sounds familiar…… I think from a CD I made her so I listen closely.

‘If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?

I am the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close,
The devil in you I suppose
‘Cause the wounds never heal.

[Chorus:]
But everything changes
If I could turn back the years
If you could learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel,

Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it’s real.

[Chorus]

When it’s just me and you.
Who knows what we could do.
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day.

[Chorus]

And we could
Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
Is more than just a word.

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?.
It wouldn’t change how you feel.

I almost cry, because it is a song that I sang to her awhile ago after we had a fight. She must have put it on repeat because it starts up again and I knock loud again. She still doesn’t hear so I start to climb up the side of her house. Now, please do remember that I am still a little bit on the tipsy side.

When I make it up I knock on her window. When she looks through the curtains she is shocked to see me standing there. She smiles and opens her window.

"Why didn’t you knock," she screams over the music. I just look at her and she starts to laugh at herself, covering her eyes from me.

She turns it off and stays where she is at, still not looking at me.

"So maybe we should dye your hair," I say to break the silence. She actually laughs and throws a pillow at me. It makes me a little less nervous so I step closer to her. I take her hands and fall to my knees.

"I’m nothing, Spence, just a fuck up."

"Don’t say that be-"

"Let me finish. But when you’re with me, or even on my mind I don’t feel that way. You make me feel that I have the power to be anything do anything and that’s a cliche. You know I hate those, but it’s true. You’re the one thing in my life that makes me happy. I’m miserable and nothing without you. When I found you I finally knew what it was to be loved, and I found out how great of a person I really am. Not just a hot, gorgeouse person, but a special person because someone as special as you could only fall for someone else who is special. And now that I am without you I realize that, because I see your the greatness in me. Or at least you bring it out. You make me a better person, Spencer, and I’m not willing to lose that. I fucked up but-" she stops me by falling to her knees and kissing me.

We fall back to the floor and she lays on me, kissing me, running her hands over me and I feel…….