I pulled into a parking spot in front of Spencer’s apartment complex. I turned off my car and looked into the mirror to check my make-up. I fluffed my curls a little and grabbed the bag of take-out from the passenger seat. I offered to pick up dinner as long as Spencer had something fun for us to do tonight. She promised to have something picked out so I willingly ordered Chinese. I had butterflies in my stomach as I hopped out of the Jag. It had been this way for most of the day, ever since I had dropped Spencer off after being released from the hospital and she had cheerfully said, "See you tonight!!". I never got nervous with girls. Even on dates. Which this wasn’t one, and yet I had just gotten done primping in the mirror. ‘Wow.’ I said to myself. ‘She told me to dress comfy. So I do. And here I am checking my outfit to make sure that my freaking sweats and t-shirt look okay.’ I laughed at myself as I made my way up to her door. I took a deep breath and knocked. A few seconds later, she opened it. She smiled at me and motioned for me to come in.
"Hey!! How are you feeling?" I said as I walked over to the counter in the kitchen, setting down the bag.
"Great!" she said. And I believed her. The nurse had taken her sling this morning and she walked with such a bounce in her step that you would’ve never known she had been in an accident the night before. The few scratches and the bruise on her jaw we’re barely visible because she had put on a little makeup. She wore a thin strapped pink tank top and some grey sweats. She had rolled down the waistband a little to reveal a little strech of skin around her midriff. As she rummaged through a cabinet to grab some cups her tank inched up to show that she had a tiny diamond stud in her bellybutton. I only stared for a second but turned away to avoid getting caught, again.
"Thanks for picking up dinner! How much do I owe you for my share?"
"My treat." I said as I rummaged through the bag and pulled out the different boxes.
"Oh wow, thanks!"
I crumpled up the bag and threw it into a wastebasket. She had set down two glasses and had grabbed a pair of plates. She rummaged through a drawer and pulled out a pair of chopsticks and a fork.
"Which do you prefer?" she asked holding them out to me.
"Chopsticks, duh!" I laughed as she handed them to me.
"Me, too. I loooovveee take-out. Why do you think we’ve got a drawer full of these bad boys?" she joked as she returned the fork and pulled out another pair of chopsticks for herself. There was a loud thunder clap outside and I heard the sound of rain.
"Glad we decided to take it easy tonight." She said as she grabbed a bottle of Coke out of the refrigerator. She poured some into each of the glasses as I poured the contents out of the boxes onto the plates. She grabbed the cups and motioned towards the couch which sat in front of a mid-size T.V. atop an entertainment center. I followed her with the plates and we sat down. There was a few DVDs on the table, along with some video games, a box of Monopoly, and a deck of cards.
"So basically, this is what I could come up with." I giggled as she picked up her chopsticks and began helping herself to the food.
"No worries. Let’s see, I don’t think I’ve seen any of these movies so I could do that. Ummm, Monopoly, I’m ok, but I cheat sometimes." She laughed. "As for the cards, Go Fish is about all I know. Oh and poker, but I’m not in the mood to lose my entire life savings tonight. I could do video games. What about you?" She smiled. "Same. So it’s whatever you want to do. We could watch a flick now and save the games for later when we’ve got our hands free." She said waving her chopsticks. "Alrighty. What shall we watch. But if I may make a suggestion, I don’t think any movie with the title ‘Saw’ would be a good choice while in the middle of a meal.."
"You mean you’ve never seen ‘Saw’?!"
"No." I replied smiling. "Not a big fan of the super scary ones." I helped myself to some noodles as she sorted through the other movies.
"What about ‘Center Stage’?" She asked holding it up.
"I didn’t even see that one. I love that movie!"
"Me too! I’m a horrible dancer but I love any movie about dancing."
"Haha I know! I could never do ballet." I shook my head as I grabbed more food. I tried not to look like a pig, I was starving, but I didn’t want to sit here and stuff my mouth.
"I’m sure you could. You’ve got like the perfect body." She said smiling.
"Me? Please, look at you!" She laughed. "Well thank you."
"No problem. So where’s Aiden at?"
"Out somewhere. He left earlier, before you came, he’s probably out with the boys or something." She said, getting up to put the movie in.
"Oh that’s cool. I’m glad we got a chance to hang though."
"Me too! Aiden’s always told me how great of a friend you were. I can see why. You spent the night with a total stranger in a hospital. That was really sweet." She said turning off the lights and sitting back down on the couch.
"Not a total stranger." I smiled. "Besides, you we’re the one that let me hang here when I was a beer away from passing out."
"Haha no problem." We both got quiet as the movie started. I could see her out of the corner of my eye as she occasionally got something else to eat off her plate. Each time she bent towards the table her tank top would slide up revealing two dimples on the small of her back. The rain began to fall harder and the thunder got louder too, causing her to turn up the volume on the T.V. There was an occasional flash of lightning outside the window behind the closed blinds. The picture on the screen flickered and then went out, leaving us in total darkness and silence.
"Dammit!" I heard her mumble.
"Haha no worries. We’ve both seen it, it’s not like we don’t know what happens."
"You sure? Sorry."
"It’s not your fault! It happens. At least we’re not by ourselves."
"Yeah." I couldn’t see a thing. But this wasn’t so bad. It was fun just hanging out.
"So I can’t really see anything and I don’t know where I put my phone. Do you have yours?"
"Ummm yeah." I searched around in my pocket. "Ummm correction, I left my phone in the car, I just brought my keys and the food. Whoooops."
"Oh no problem, I just figured I’d be able to use the light to find my phone." It was pitch black. Except for the occasional lightning bolt which didn’t illuminate much except for the window.  
"Sooooo. Tell me about you. Ohio. All that good stuff." I didn’t want her to feel awkward. But what else was there to do in the dark besides talk?
"What do you want to know?" I felt the couch move a little. She probably had cozied up more. I did the same, bringing my knees up to my chest and resting my head on them as I wrapped my arms around them.
"Anything. Life there. What brought you here."
"Oh well, umm, it’s me, my brothers Clay and Glenn, my mom and my dad. My dad is a social worker and my mom is a doctor back home. Glenn and Clay are both finishing out college. Glenn is at Virginia Tech and Clay is at Harvard. I came here to study, I don’t really know what yet, but I’ve always wanted to make it out to the big city. Aurora is more of the small town kind of place. You know, everyone knows everyone, and I love it but I wanted to experience more. L.A. in particular."
"That’s awesome. So is it all you wanted it to be?"
"Yeah it’s pretty amazing. What about you?"
"I’ve lived here all of my life. My mom was smart and married a rockstar, my pops. They divorced but she got some good out of it. She still dates around, mooching off whatever millionaire she can get her hands on. I get the benefit of it each month for the rent. But I can take care of myself too. I play the guitar and sing in a few bars around here. I used to work at Starbucks, but that wasn’t going to last anyways. I wasn’t ready to start college right away, still not sure if I want to go or not. So I just do what I can, have fun, take it easy."
"Wow you sing? That’s awesome! Would you let me hear you?"
"Oh, well.. I don’t have my guitar and.."
"Come on! You sing in front of tons of people at bars but you won’t sing for me? Not to mention we’re in the total dark..pleaaseeee?"
"Alright. Um. I guess I’ll just sing a little something." I was really nervous now. I didn’t want to mess up. I wanted to impress her. ‘Woah. Impress her? What am I thinking? I don’t need to impress her. But I want to…’ I thought to myself. Why was I so fixed on what she thought about me? It was just Spencer. I thought about what I could sing. Maybe something from a musical. Something she might know.
"Um, okay you’ve seen ‘Rent’?"
"I love it! On Broadway and on screen. I even bought the soundtrack." she said. "Okay that sounds weird but whatever.."
"Oh no, me too. Haha, I have it in my car." She laughed and I smiled, even though she couldn’t see. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Why, I had no idea. It was pitch black dark and I was still nervous. I exhaled and took another breath, and sang:
There’s only now.
There’s only here.
Give in to love, or live in fear.
No other path, no other way.
No day but today.
I opened my eyes, only to see nothing. But I felt something. She had placed her hand on mine. I didn’t know how to react so I just sat there.
"That was amazing. You have a really beautiful voice."
"Thank you." I was really flattered. I felt myself blush. Thank God she couldn’t see me.
"You are really talented. I couldn’t play an instrument or sing if my life depended on it." I laughed.
"I would like to come watch you some time. You’ll let me know when your next gig is?"
"Of couse." I said. There was a little pause. The window was illuminated with lightning again and the rumble of thunder followed.
"Ashley, you can tell me more about your mom. If you want. I mean, I just got the vibe that you aren’t that close. And if it bothers you or something you can talk to me, if you need to." She trailed off. 
"It doesn’t bother me as much. I’ve gotten this far without her you know?" Her hand was still on mine and I felt her squeeze it a little. She wasn’t just another therapist payed to listen, or someone that just felt sorry for me. She was deep down a compassionate person. She cared about me, about some person she just met a few days ago. And it felt good to have someone, someone like her, care.
"I really respect that. For you to be so independent."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I mean to overcome that, and everything else. Aiden told me what it was like for you in high school, going through what you did."
"He did help out when he could though. But no one really got me like Lo did." It just slipped out. But I paused and realized it was true. Lo gave me someone to always fall back on. I felt my eyes burning. Aiden had been a good friend, but Lauren had been there for me and she knew what I was feeling when no one else did. I felt Spencer squeeze my hand again, but this time she held onto it. 
"Lauren gave up something really special when she gave you up. And you’ll find someone else. Someone better." I slid my fingers through hers and I felt her rub her thumb against my hand.
"Thanks. I hope so." I sat for a moment. Spencer was holding my hand. We were holding each other’s hands. I didn’t want it to get awkward, because it was nice, even if I was making it out to be more than it actually was. So I kept talking.
"So what about you? Anything you need to talk about? I’m a great listener you know." She laughed.
"Ashley, coming out, was that hard for you?" Before I could answer, she blurted out. "I know that was kind of blunt, I’m sorry, umm but if you don’t mind me asking, was it?"
"Well…yeah. My mom handled it okay. My dad did too. The rest of King High School, not so much."
"That’s dumb. For people to judge. I hate that." 
"Yeah, but Aiden and a few other friends were cool with it. It helped, having some support. That’s when I started getting therapy, well my mom got me therapy, so talking to random strangers was fun too. Kept me sane." We both laughed.
"How did you know you were?"
"I just noticed how differently I felt about girls. And I didn’t fight it. Well, I did for a little, but I couldn’t ignore it forever. So I just figured that I was gay, and everyone, including myself, would have to deal with it." I felt her lean in closer to me. I couldn’t see her, but I could feel her, I could hear her breathe. The butterflies came back. I didn’t understand why she made me feel this way.
"Spencer, why are you asking me all this?"
"Because..well, I just…"
"Spence, did you ever question, you know, what you were?"
"Yes. Well, to be honest. I do, still. That’s why."
"Oh.." I didn’t know what to say to her. I didn’t have to worry about it though. She began to explain.
"For a while, I’ve looked at girls differently. But back home, it’s not really tolerated. And, like, my mom isn’t really fond of that topic so I never told her. Moving here to L.A. wasn’t all for that, but I figured that I’d be able to meet people, find out who I am without worrying about what everyone thought. Well, I still care what people think but I figured it be different here, better than what it would be like in Aurora." This time I was the one that rubbed her hand with my thumb.
"Oh okay. I um. I wish I could help."
"Oh you have. Just talking about it helps. Thanks."
"I just, I know how confusing it can be. If you need anything.." I felt her lean in even closer and she slid her arms around me. She hugged me, her body’s warmth penetrating through my clothes. I kissed her lightly on the cheek and returned the embrace. We sat there, wrapped in each other. The butterflies had turned into knots inside of my stomach.
She pulled away a little but kept her arms around me. I stared at her through the dark. I couldn’t see her, but I knew that she was looking at me too. We were caught in a moment, she was inches away from me, I could feel the skin on her back left exposed by the thin straps of the tank top. She leaned in again this time, but she didn’t move her head, and our lips collided. In a moment, for no reason, she kissed me and I kissed her back. I moved a hand from her back to her cheek. We both lingered and I was the first to pull away.
"I..look Spence. I don’t know how.." I felt her lean in to kiss me again. I wanted to kiss her again. But I turned my head so her lips grazed my cheek.
"I’m sorry.." I whispered into her ear. And I was. She tilted her head down away from my hand. I took her in my arms again, kissing her lightly on the ear as I hugged her.
"I’m sorry, I just can’t. Not right now." She sat for a second, then I felt her arms wrap around my waist again as she pulled me into her. The T.V. flickered on again and the screen turned a shade of bright blue, illuminating us and the rest of the room.