I grab a hold of her hands and entwine our fingers, stroking her palm with my thumb. “Don’t go. I don’t want you to.”

“Yeah, well, I can’t stay here.” She says as she removes her hands from mine.

“Why not? I want you to and if that kiss was any indication…then I know you don’t wanna go.”

“Stop.” She closes her eyes and sighs deeply.

“No! You stop, okay! Stop fighting this and stop pushing me away. Just…just stay, please?” I take a step back from her as my hands move frantically in the air with each word that leaves my lips.

“I can’t. Ashley, I-I just can‘t.” She goes to turn around and I grab her, forcing her to face me.

“Why not? Why can’t you? Please tell me ‘cause I’m having trouble figuring it out, especially when you’re eyes are telling me that you can…that you want to.”

“I ca-”

“Damn it Spencer!”

“What Ashley? What do you want from me?”

“Nothing okay?” I move toward her, bringing my hand up to caress her cheek and looking into her gorgeous blue eyes. “God, I just want you.”

“I’m not yours to have…not anymore.” She turns around and walks toward the door.

“What about last night? How can you just walk away after that?”

“Because it hurts too much to do anything else.” She doesn’t turn around to face me as she says this, she just lowers her head.

“I love you. Spencer, I love you.”

“Don’t. Just don’t.” With that she leaves. She walks away and leaves me standing there, these last few minutes running through my mind, sending me back to a moment almost paralleling the one I’m currently in, attempting to act as its doppelganger, but failing miserably.

We walk down the hall and into one of the bedrooms there. Her hand is held loosely in mine and I’m leading her, leading us to this location. We should probably be outside with the rest of the guests, enjoying Kyla and Glen’s rehearsal dinner. I know we shouldn’t be doing this now, not on their night, but as she presses me against the door and begins her assault on my neck, all thoughts of obligation fly out of the window. All I can focus on are the lips attached to my body that aren’t yelling, eyes that aren’t staring me down in fury, hands that aren’t being thrown up in frustration, and I lose myself in this moment of no confrontation. A rush of heat overwhelms me as her hands move to un-tuck the button down shirt I’m currently wearing. I thread my hands through her blonde hair as her hands move to the small of my back, effectively pulling me closer. I pull her face to mine, crashing our lips together as I begin walking her backwards and to the bed awaiting us. Her hands, which had been perched on my hips in our movement, are now slowly removing the tie from around my neck and tossing it aside. The backs of her legs connect with the bed and she lowers herself onto it. I lean down and trail kisses from her lips to her jaw and finally her neck. She pulls me towards her causing me to lay my whole body on top of hers. She brings her hips up to meet mine and I slip a thigh between her legs. She moves her hips up to grind against my thigh and moans into my ear. She then switches our positions and straddles my lap, removing her black cocktail dress in the process. I sit up, bringing our lips together. I kiss her, immediately deepening it. She moves her hands from around my neck and starts to unbutton my shirt. I’m about to undo the clasp of her bra when I hear the door to the room open.

“Fuck!” She scrambles to get off me, grabbing for her dress, as I stand there staring into shocked blue eyes.

Carrie…Michelle…Sara…or was it Caitlin? Hastily throws on her discarded dress and quickly makes her way to the door, walking right past Spencer, who has yet to remove her gaze from mine. I can tell she’s holding back her tears, determined not to let me see her break, not in this moment.

I should probably be saying something right now. I should be apologizing and crying and telling her how big of a mistake I just made, but I’m not. I’m just standing there, letting the silence take up precious moments. Despite how hard she was trying to hold them in, the tears fall anyway. They start to come down and show no sign of slowing down or stopping. I look away from her. I look down and stare guiltily at the floor as the weight of what just happened comes down on me.

I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out, no words escape. I clench my jaw and then try again. And again nothing comes out. And I don’t blame my voice for its lack of assistance in this moment, because really, what can I possibly say to make this better? I know there are no words, so I just stand there staring at my handiwork.

Her hands ball into fists as the tears come down harder. I know she’s on her way to a breakdown and there’s nothing I can do about it. She turns away from me, ready and willing to leave. I reach out, grabbing her wrists and stopping her in her tracks. She pulls her arm away from me roughly and whips around to face me.

“Don’t touch me.” Her voice has an ice cold edge to it that I’ve never heard before and it terrifies me that I caused it.

“Spence-”

“Don’t. Just don’t.” And she walks out of the door, leaving me to stand there watching her go.